The Story of a Loser [PATD] 19

Enter Ryan Ross

I sighed, irritated as Christy pushed her face into my chest. She wrapped her arms around me and I stiffly did the same to her tall frame.

“Babe, what’s wrong?” She whispered into my neck. Her breath caused me to shift uncomfortably. “Do you need help to relax?” I think she was trying to sound seductive. But I’m not sure, because to me she sounded scratchy and unattractive.

“No,” I said softly. “Why do you have to attack my friends all the time?” I looked down and felt her body stiffen next to mine.

Her fists clenched at her sides. “Ry, I’m sorry. I just get so jealous. Babe, I really didn’t want to do that. I’m sure Robbie is a nice person. I just don’t want to share you.” She smiled at me softly.

How could I ever think Christy was a, well, bitch? She’s the same person I met those weeks ago. She’s just jealous and stuff, but she’ll grow out of it. Robbie, she’s immature and stubborn. Christy?

Yeah, she’s perfect.

Enter Ashley Layman

“Is this really necessary?” I watched Robbie shift from side to side with her arms crossed. “Can’t you just trust me without all this oath shit?” She shook her head exasperated.

I grinned. “Of course it’s necessary Ro! Hanna and me spent practically two hours trying to make this oath up.” Hanna nodded her head, her eyes still on the road as she drove.

“That’s right. And I’ll be damned if I spent those hours in vain!” She shot Ro a grin from the rearview mirror as she drove the tiny van. We were on our way to the next stop on the tour. I searched through the pocket of my jeans for the vital piece of paper.

“Ah ha! Here it is!” I slammed the notebook paper on the dashboard in triumph. “Okay Ro, all you have to do is repeat after me.”

“This is bull shit.”

“Alright, here we go!” I started on, ignoring Ro’s oh-so-helpful comment; Hanna gave me a thumbs up. “I, Robbie Rosenberg will-“

“You’re names not Robbie! Silly drugged up goosy!” I rolled my eyes and turned around in the front seat to look at Robbie directly. She was starring out the window with that annoying smirk on her face. She was obviously pleased by her last comment.

“Robbie, if you do not take this seriously, Mr. Snuggles will be in a bad way.” I watched in satisfaction as her eyes widened in alarm.

“How do you know about Mr. Snuggles!” She demanded. Robbie is such a child. God forbid anything should happen to her teddy bear.

I ignored her question. “I Robbie Rosenberg will not,” I stopped, waiting for her to repeat as the Louisiana scenery passed by.

She narrowed her eyes at me dangerously. “I Robbie Rosenberg will not,”

“Kill Christy with my own two hands,”

“Kill Rusty with my own two hands,”

“Pay someone to kill Christy,”

“Pay someone to kill Rusty.”

“Or mentally harm her.” I finished reading off the paper proudly.

“Or mentally harm it,” Robbie repeated while throwing me the finger at the same time. Hanna swore as traffic came to a standstill. I sighed inwardly. In truth, I really felt the same way about Christy as Ro did. And I really felt bad for her.

“Okay Ro? Got it? You will follow the contract exactly.” Hanna spoke firmly from the drivers seat. Robbie’s eyes lit up.

“Exactly? Gotcha, no paying a person to kill her or killing her myself, yada yada.” She grinned.

You know what? I don’t even want to know what she’s thinking.

Enter Robbie Rosenberg

I wonder how much it would cost to buy a rapid lion… I mean, technically, that’s not violating the contract. They never said anything about animals accidentally chewing Rusty up…

Enter Brendon Urie

“I miss Robbie!” I informed an agitated Ryan for the hundredth time. He glared at me darkly.

“Would you be quiet! Christy is trying to sleep.”

God, he’s annoying. “Does it look like I care whether Christy gets any sleep or not.” I muttered. “I’m bored and Robbie always entertains me when I’m bored.”

“Look Brendon. This is only for a week, chill the fuck out.” Ryan said quietly before turning away from me to look out the window.

“I miss Robbie too!” Jon yelled from the mini kitchen on our bus. “Even though she called me a fairy.”

“And I miss Robbie because she called him a fairy.” Spencer added in while jerking a thumb in Jon’s direction.

“Guys, shut the hell up. If you miss her so much, why don’t you go stay with her and Hanna and Ashley in the merch van?” Ryan glowered at us unhappily.

I was about to tell Ryan that spending the whole day in a tiny van was better than sharing a bus with Christy when we suddenly stopped.

Spencer looked up from his magazine. “Why did we stop?” My eyes widened as I saw the diner.

“Food!” I yelled, grinning.

Jon looked up from the kitchen, his whole face lighting up. “Food?”

I nodded my head.

“FOOOOOOOOOOODDDDDDD!” He ran around the kitchen and up and down the bus screaming his head off.

Enter Robbie Rosenberg

I stepped out of the van stretching, while taking a look at the diner we stopped at. Not too shabby. But hey, that’s just me. I’m a fan of diners.

“Yummy.” Hanna said grinning as she stepped out of the van. Ashley nodded her head in agreement as the bands tour bus pulled into the parking lot. As soon as the bus stopped I grinned. I could hear someone on the bus yelling.

“FOOOOOODDDD!!! GET YOUR ASSES UP FOR SOME FOOD!”

Jon is such a dork.

The door was thrown open and he came running out. Spotting me, he ran over and grabbed my hands. “FOOD!”

“HELL YEAH FAIRY!” I yelled before skipping around in circles with him.

“HANNA!”

“BRENDON!”

Ew. More icky love fest.

I heard more footsteps come off the bus. “AH HA! I knew you were a fairy. Only fairies skip around in circles.” Spencer! Yay!

Jon stopped skipping immediately and crossed his arms defiantly. “You all suck.” Rolling my eyes I grabbed Jon and Spencer and continued the amazing circle of total skipping domination.

“Who’s the fairy now!!” Jon grinned evilly.

I snorted and slapped Jon across the head. “Shut it. We’re all fairies on the inside.”

“Only for today,” Spencer amended while continuing to skip. I never knew how much I would miss spending the day with these guys. I mean, the merch van isn’t to bad or anything and Hanna and Ashley are awesome. But still. These are my guys and I miss hanging with them.

Rawr, I sound like a whiny teenager.

“But RY-AN! I don’t wanna eat here!” Oh dear god. Someone shoot me now. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, it’s the ice queen herself walking down the stairs and clutching onto Ryan as if he’s an unusually large purse. But hey, if he was I would totally buy him too.

Jon stopped in mid-skip, causing him to plow into me and of course, Spencer to plow into him. And guess what. We all fell down. “UMMPHH!” I yelped out as Jon fell on top of me. Spencer smashed into Jon causing him to painfully roll over my body. It was only seconds before Jon’s missing weight was replaced with Spencer. “What-THE-FUCKING-HELL?” I managed to gasp out as Spencer lay down on top of me.

Jon started cracking up, as did Spencer. I take back the sentimental crap I said earlier. You know why? Because my squished boobs will never be the same.

“SPENCER! JON! YOU SQUISHED MY BOOBS!” I yelled out in anger. This only caused everyone to laugh more.

Ashley came to my defense. “Hey! It hurts to get squished there.” She grinned.

I nodded my head vigorously. “Yup. And if I go down a cup size…” I warned threateningly while finally pushing Spencer off me. I looked over at Ryan who was starring at the ground embarrassed. Rusty was still glaring. God, does her face always look like that?

Jon continued rolling on the floor laughing while gasping. “ROBBIE—BOOBS!” I couldn’t pretend to be mad any longer. I started laughing my ass off.

Spencer finally pushed himself to his feet. “And this is why I don’t pretend to be a fairy.” He muttered. “Oh, and Brendon. You’re right. Robbie is a great pillow.” Brendon broke off his kiss with Hanna to give Spencer a thumbs up.

Still laughing I pushed myself up off the ground. “Hey Brendon, ever heard of PDA! [Public Display of Affection, if ya didn’t know J]” In response to this, he flicked me off.

After finally gaining a little self control Jon looked back at Rusty again. “Why are you here? I thought you were sleeping?” He questioned her. If only my luck would have been so good.

Her dark glare intensified, I didn’t even think that it was possible, but what do I know? “And miss this freak show?” She spat, “I don’t think so Jonathan.”

Poor Jon, he looked thoroughly confused. “My name’s not Jonathan…” He trailed off weirdly while Ashley smacked her head with her hand.

Rusty altered her gaze towards me again. “Oh, so your still here Robert, wonderful.”

I rolled my eyes, determined not to let her bitchiness get to me. “Yes Rusty. I’m still here, Jon’s name is still not Jonathan, and everyone still wonders how the fuck you passed the 8th grade. Nothing’s changed.” I watched, mildly amused, as she took a step towards me.

Ryan grabbed her arm and tossed me a mean glare. “Look lets just go eat, alright?” He directed the question at me.

“Hey, don’t blame me! Blame the fairy.” I pointed my finger at Jon who threw his arms up in the air.

“Robbie dear lord—“

I cut him off, pointing at my chest. “Boobs, remember? They will never be the same due to you and your clumsiness which gives me the right to ridicule you.”

I grinned as he shook his head. “I will never skip with you again, Rob, never.”

I rolled my eyes. “Yeah, yeah. Now run along fairy. Go. Shoo. Food awaits.” And finally the 8 of us walked into the diner.

Enter Ryan Ross

I pushed Christy through the door before everyone else. Quite honestly I hated how they all gained up on Christy.

There was no one in the diner really, only a truck driver or two. Finding the biggest booth possible Christy and I slid in. Spencer sat next to me and Ashley next to him. Brendon and Hanna and Jon all slid in on the other side. Robbie was the last one to come into the diner. She stopped when she realized the seating arrangements.

“Oh come on! This is just not fair. I don’t wanna sit with the love birds swapping spit and the lone fairy!” She crossed her arms seemingly agitated.

“I think you’ll survive Ro,” Ashley snorted. “And don’t worry, if Jon tries to sprinkle you with fairy dust I’ve got your back.”

“HEY! I killed Robbie’s boobs, not yours! Only Robbie can call me a fairy now!” Jon yelled out indignantly.

“Cough. Fairy. Cough” Spencer grinned, faking a cough into his fist.

Christy slid under my arm and tried to draw me into a conversation.

“What do you want?” She purred to me. I tried to pull away as far as possible; she smelled like strawberries and that made me want to gag. Because I knew that even though she smelled like them, when I kiss her, she sure as hell doesn’t taste like them.

“Hold on,” I murmured, a bit annoyed. Robbie was still standing up trying her hardest not to laugh when our waiter came over. He looked to be about Robbie’s age with blonde hair and green eyes. Ashley began to giggle. GREEAAAT.

“Is there a problem miss?” He starred at Robbie, grinning wickedly.

Not again.

Robbie pursed her lips. “Yes there is. I don’t appreciate you eye-raping me.” She laughed before sliding into the booth.

“I’m sorry, you’re just gorgeous. I can’t take my eyes off you.” He fed her the line fluidly. I glared at him while Ashley snorted. He leaned over the table and smiled at her. I watched worriedly as Robbie leaned as far back as the booth would allow her.

Jon stood up. “Look kid—“

“I believe I was talking to this angel here.” The teenager interrupted. And that’s when Robbie’s innocent looked turned into a glare.

“Well this angel doesn’t want to talk to you. So back off, please.” She retorted angrily. The kid flinched away as if he’d been hit.

“Alright what do want then?” He muttered unhappily. Everyone around the table ordered cheeseburgers and all that good stuff until it was Christy’s turn.

“Uhm. I want some grilled shrimp with ice on the side, vegetables steamed and a margarita.” She smiled at him, batting her eyelashes. I looked down embarrassed for her. But not before I saw Robbie shaking her head and slamming it repeatedly on the table.

“Uhh we don’t have that. This is a diner, not some 5 star restaurant.”

I rubbed the back of my head nervously. “Just get her a salad and an water.” I looked down sheepishly. The waiter just nodded and left as fast as possible. Christy turned around to look at me.

“AWH! YOU KNOW WHAT I LIKE!” She squealed happily before pushing herself into me. I smiled down at her uneasily. I wonder why I’m so on edge. I looked up and realized why. Robbie was giving Christy the weirdest look possible while taking an imaginary gun to her head and pulling the trigger. Ashley started cracking up and Robbie in turn pointed the imaginary gun at her and shot her too.

Ashley grinned, “Thanks Ro, between Rusty and Ryan and Brendon and Hands, dear god.” Robbie nodded her head sympathetically and sarcastically. But why did what Robbie think bother me. I didn’t have time to wonder any more about that because are food came.

Robbie grinned as the waiter set the food in front of us. Almost immediately she threw a french fry at Ashley who of course retaliated. I smiled at them while Christy picked at her salad. When all of a sudden Brendon’s phone rang. He picked it up quickly.

“Hey man. What’s up? Cool. Really? That’s awesome! Yeah, can’t wait to see you guys.” He hung up the phone while Robbie sighed annoyed.

“Not that listening to one way conversations isn’t interesting or anything, but who the fuck was that.”

Brendon didn’t answer he just grinned. “Guess what guys? The Academy Is… are playing in Texas at the same time we are, in a few days. They invited us to their show!” I grinned.

“Sweet, I haven’t seen those guys in a long time. So we’ll see them in 2 days?” Brendon nodded.

Robbie’s eyes widened. “No. Fucking. Way.” She dropped her food and grabbed Ashley’s hands. Together they spun around the diner singing.

This is why I don’t go out to eat with my friends.

Thanks for reading!