When Did We Go Wrong? [P!ATD] Part 26

*Brendon's POV*
I was so happy for Ryan andJane that I pulled down the window, andyelled, "RYAN ROSS IS MARRIED! IN YO FACE JEALOUS RUMOR STARTING BEE-YATCHES!!"
"AW SHUT UP!" Someone threw a half-full 7UP bottle at me. "BASTARD!" I yelled.
"Okay okay Brendon don't do that!" Ryan yanked my head back in. "I don't want everyone knowing my business."

"Riiiiight." I clicked my tongue. "HEY HEY HEY! DID YOU GUYS KNOW THAT SNOOP DOGG WANTS TO DO A SONG WITH US???"

"REALLY????" Jon yelled. "I LOVE SNOOP!!"

And then silence. "Okay, now what?" Charlette asked. I stuffed my hand down her dress. "Uh Brendon are we doing this now?'

"No I need the camera!" I said, shuffling around. "GOT IT!" I took it out. "You know you shouldn't keep stuff like this down your dress. What if it just takes pictures by itself and we upload it and send it to your parents?"

"Yeah after you set it to do that!" she rolled her eyes. "Okay okay!" I said quickly hoping nobody caught on to that. ONE TIME! ONE TIME!!

"Hey Jane how come you don't let me send naked pictures of you to your parents?" Ryan asked. "I mean come on you have a hot body and everything, you should flaunt it to your parents!"

Jane looked at Ryan all weird, like she wanted to pull a camera out of her bra and smack him in the head with it. "Ummm... while that may be true, I don't think my parents would be very happy if they knew that you were taking pictures of me naked. So no!"

Ryan looked down and frowned, so before he started to cry, I gave him a piece of my wisdom and experience. "HEY RYAN!?!?" I whispered across the limo.

"WHAT?!" he whispered back.

"JUST SNEAK IN WHILE SHE'S SHOWERING! SHE'LL NEVER KNOW!!"

"Uhh... Brendon, you know I can hear you?" Jane said, rolling her eyes.

"NO YOU CAN'T! SHUT UP! RYAN AND I ARE TRYING TO HAVE A SECRET CONVERSATION!! AND IT'S ABOUT YOU SO WE WOULD APPRECIATE IT IF YOU STOPPED LISTENING!!!"

"Ok I'll just stop listening then," she sighed.

"OK RYAN MAKE SURE YOU WRAP THE CAMERA INA TOWEL SO THAT SHE DOESN'T KNOW YOU'RE TAKING PICTURES OF HER!!" I whispered again. "EVERY TIME I WALK IN WITH A TOWEL CHARLETTE DOESN'T EVEN NOTICE THAT A GINORMOUS LENS IS STICKING OUT!"

"YOU TAKE PICTURES OF ME IN THE SHOWER!??!!" Charlette screamed, putting her hand over her boobs.

"Charlette you don't need to cover your boobs, you're wearing a dress!" I smiled, taking her hands off her boobs.

"WHAT, DO YOU UPLOAD THEM TO PORN SITES OR SOMETHING!??! IS THIS HOW YOU KNEW ABOUT THE BI-ANNUAL THING?!!? IS THAT HOW YOU KNOW SO MANY MODELS AND STUFF?!?!"

I sat there with my hand on her boobs, thinking of how bad I had been. But I really didn't think I had done anything bad, so I just smiled again.

"Well don't you want your hot body on the boxes of various sex toys?"

"NO!!!! We'll discuss this when we get home," she mumbled as she stuffed her camera back in to her chest.

"OKEYDOKE!" I yelled. More silence so I started to sing.

"Sexyyyyyyy love...." I sang. "dun dun dun duhhhhhhh...."

"I hate that song," Spencer mumbled. "Why would you wanna sing about making love for all eternity?"

I looked at Charlette. She looked back at me. "I hate staring contests," Spencer muttered. "And I hate this stretched up car!"

"Okay fine I'll sing a different song!" I yelled, clearing my throat. "Touch my body, put me on the floor, wrestle me around, play with me some moreeeeee....."

"I hate Mariah Carey," Spencer said.

"How about this! YOU'LL LOVE THIS ONE!" I started to sing Charlette's favorite song. "All we ever do is play in the sheets...sheets....SHEETS!"

"Ugh," Spencer groaned, "SHUT THE HELL UP!"

"Spencer why are you so mean?"

"MEAN? MEAN? I'M NOT MEAN!" he yelled, "I HATE MEAN!"

"Then what do you like?" Ryan sighed.

"Not YOU that's for sure," Spencer shook his head.

"I SHALL BEHEAD YOU!" I yelled, putting my hand out to Charlette. "GIVE ME THE CAMERA!"

"WHY?"

"I'M GONNA SMACK THIS BITCH SILLY!"

"UH that won't be necessary!" Ryan said, "We're here!" [Ryan's house]

"YEAYAZ!" I yelled running into the house. "I haven't been here since this morning! TIME FLIES MAN!"

"Wait who's that sitting on my couch?" Ryan asked. I turned the lights on. "OMG IT'S PETE!" Charlette yelled. I ran up to him and tackled him with a hug. "PETEYYYYYYY WASSUP?" I yelled, "HEY HEY! RYAN GOT MARRIED!"

"I know," Pete said, looking mad, "I don't remember getting an invite!"

"Oh oops," Ryan muttered. "Well we've been through so much what with the baby and all-"

"WHAT BABY??" Pete yelled.

"How dare you not tell Pete!" I brushed my finger. "Shamanoogen!"

"I FORGOT, OK!?!? I MEAN YOU DIDN'T TELL PETE WHEN YOU AND HER GOT MARRRIED EITHER!" Ryan yelled, pointing at Charlette. "GOD THIS IS SO STRESSFUL!!"

"WAIT YOU GOT MARRIED TOO?!?!" Pete said, standing up. But he was kinda short so it didn't make a difference. "WELL GUESS WHAT?!"

"WHAT!?" we all yelled at him.

"I GOT MARRIED TOO!"

Spencer and Jon looked down sadly. They were the only ones. The outcasts. The losers of the Panic clam. And yes, it's clam, not clan.

"Wait, to who?" Spencer said, looking down to Pete.

"My girlfriend THE LITTLE MERMAID!" Pete yelled, "AKA ASHLEENA!!"

"WAIT I WAS GONNA MARRY ASHLEENA!!!!" Spencer yelled. "YOU STOLE HER FROM ME YOU RETARDED PENIS PICTURE TAKING MIDGET!!"

"Wait I thought you liked Jane!" Ryan asked curiously. "You beat me up over it!"

"You sick bastard, how could you beat Ryan up!?" Pete yelled.

"After Jane rejected me for that old grandpa over there, I thought I would knock some sense in to him, and then go for Ashleena!" he said. "BUT NOW THAT CAN'T HAPPEN NOW THAT SHE'S MARRIED TOO!" He growled loudly, lifted a fist to punch Pete, and collapsed to the floor.

"Wa- Spencer?" Charlette exclaimed.

"WHY ARE ALL MY RELATIONSHIPS SCREWED UP WITH MARRIAGE??!?!! EVERYONE I LOVE GETS MARRIED!!! OR SCREWED, IN JANE'S CASE, AND THEN MARRIED...." he started kicking the floor vigorously and crying. "WHY CAN'T I GET A GIRLFRIEND?!?!?"

"Aww, Spencer,"Charlette said, trying to lift him in to her lap, but he was too big. "It's ok, Jane and I will find you a special someone!"

"BUT IT'S JUST GONNA GET FUCKED UP AGAIN!!!! LIKE JANE DID!!!"

Jane groaned and kneeled next to him. "Look, it's ok! There are

"JANE, YOU'RE NOT SUGGESTING THAT YOU ARE ONE OF THE MANY FISH IN THE SEA, RIGHT!??!?" Ryan shrieked.

"Of course not! Because I'm married to YOU, remember?"

"OH MY GOD SHE'S LEAVING ME!!! SHE'S GONNA DIVORCE ME AFTER 27 MINUTES OF MARRIAGE!!!!" he cried, going in to a fetal position on the floor. Poor Jane. Not one but two babies to take care of.

"Ryan I'm not leaving you," she said in an almost fed-up bored voice.

I wanted to make everybody happy so I said, "HEY HEY HEY! GUYS LISTEN UP!"

"WHAT?!?!?!?!?" the whole house screamed.

"Uhhhhh....ummmm....I DON'T KNOW!" I yelled, "But I've decided that we need to be happy because today was a very happy day and we shall be happy so...." I grabbed Pete by the collar and put on a forced smile, "BRENDON WHAT ARE YOU DOING???"

"Shut up and smile Pete," I muttered through my teeth, "Or they won't smile back."

"NO!" he yelled.

"SMILE OR I'LL CHOP YOUR FAT BABYMAKER OFF!" I yelled.

"NO!"

"YES!"

"NO!"

"YES!"
"N-MMF!" I couldn't believe it but I just kissed Pete Wentz. Whoa I'm goooooood.

"GASP!" Pete yelled breaking apart from me, "WHAT WAS THAT ABOUT????"

"I don't know, but look everyone's horny!" I yelled, looking around. Charlette looked like she was trying to hide her smile, Jon looked like he was daydreaming, Ryan and Spencer were on the floor crying, and Jane was lying next to Spencer, masturbating and her face was red like a tomato. "Whoa, Jane, you REALLY want to get it on! I mean I know it's hot when Pete and I kiss but-"

"BRENDON SHUT UP!" she yelled.

"But it's funny when you masturbate!!"

"I'M NOT MASTURBATING YOU DUMBASS! I'M HAVING THE FUCKING BABY!!!"

"Jane, you're not supposed to masturbate when you give birth!" Pete giggled.

"OK LET'S GO TO THE HOSPITAL AND WE CAN DISCUSS JANE'S SEX LIFE MORE IN DEPTH AFTER THE BIRTH OK?!?!" Charlette yelled, dragging Jane to the car.
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"Now I know it's okay to see patients come around a lot-" Dr. Randall said- "but twice in the same day? This better be good!"

"IT IS! IT'S BABY DAY!!" I yelled.

"Uh okay well I'm gonna bring the nurse in to give you a painkiller and uh-yeah," Dr. Randall picked up his phone after that cuz it was ringing. "HELLO? DIANE??? I'M BUSY!!!! NO I CAN'T HELP YOU GRADE PAPERS I'VE GOT A DELIVERY RIGHT NOW AND AFTER THIS I'M STUCK IN SURGERY WHEREI HAVE TO REMOVE A TESTICLE!"

"OMG???? MS. BELL???? LEMME TALK TO HER!!" Charlette grabbed the phone. "Ms. Bell? HIIIIII!!!!! OH AND BY THE WAY IF YOU SEE ANY PEOPLE THAT LOOK LIKE ME ON THE BOXES OF SEX TOYS, IT'S NOT ME, OK?!?!? OH AND JANE'S GONNA HAVE A BABY!!!!!!"

"Give me that!" Randall yelled, snatching the phone from Charlette. "I'll call you later, ok?" he said, closing his phone and walking out.

*Jane's POV*
So here's the lovely little scene. I'm about to give birth, Ryan's in a fetal position next to me, Brendon standing intimately close to Pete, Charlette giving them weird looks, Jon sitting down and Spencer slumped all over his chair.

"I think maybe we should leave so they could decide the name of the kid," Charlette said grabbing Brendon who whined. "BUT I WANNA SEE THE BABY COME OUTTTTT...."

"Trust me," Pete warned, "The screaming part's not so fun."

"BUT- BUT- BUTTTTTT...." Brendon started to cry as Charlette dragged him out. "Come along now!" Charlette insisted.

"NO! NO! NOOOOOOOOOO....." Brendon dropped to the floor as Charlette dragged him out. His nails left marks all over the floor. Pete followed, shaking his head. Jon got up and Spencer followed, muttering to himself. "I hate hospitals."

Ryan started to whimper as he pulled himself up and started squeezing my hand. "S-so what do you want to n-name the baby?"

"Um I don't know. We don't even know the gender yet!" I reminded. He squeezed my hand tighter.

"Ok Ryan, quit squeezing, the baby's not even coming out yet!" I said, but not pulling away in fear that he might go in to a fetal position again.

"Right, sorry," he mumbled, loosening upa little. "So, if it's a girl, what do you want to name her?"

"Well, I like Brenda," I said. "What about you?"

"I like Brenda too. Ok, girl equals Brenda. What does boy equal?" he asked.

"Well, I don't know, what's the masculine version of Brenda?" We looked at each otherand we were thinking the same thing. "Brendon," we said at the same time.

"Well, Brendon IS a nice name...." he said. "Ok, boy equals Brendon."

"I hope it's a girl though because Brendon and Brendon would be really confusing," I said, "Not that that I wouldn't want it to be aboy. But yeah you know...."

"Yeah yeah I know," Ryan smiled, "But if it wasa girl I'd probably be so strict she won't have a boyfriend until 50."

"Ryan come on," I sighed, "You're all strict with me."

"I have my reasons," he shrugged.

"Okay well....OW!" Oh crap, here we go.

"RED ALERT! RED ALERT!" Randall ran in waving his hands around. A bunch of nurses ran in.

"OH MY GOD I'M GONNA BE A DADDY!" Ryan yelled, squeezing my hand the tightest than he could. Then Brendon walked in randomly. "OH WOW WRONG TIMING! MY BAD! WHOA YOU GUYS LOOK ALL RED!" he yelled.

"BRENDON ISWEAR I'M GONNA KILL YOU IF I SURVIVE THIS!" I yelled. "CORRECTION! WE'LL BOTH KILL HIM!" Ryan yelled, "OH MY GOD YOU'RE CRUSHING ME!"

"OOH THE BABY'S GOT KETCHUP ALL OVER IT! WAIT, THAT'S NOT-" and he passed out.

And finally the nine months of hell were over.

"OK CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR BABY.... GIRRRRRRRRL!!" Randall announced like we were at a big sports event of something. "SO WHAT'S HER NAME!?!?"

"Brend-AAAAHHHHH!" Ryan announced, standing up and tripping on Brendon. "Yay," I sighed as I put my head on the pillow and fell asleep.
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(Charlette's POV)

"Charlette when are the Rosses coming?!!"Brendon asked, shaking her arm vigorously and sitting on the couch.
"I don't know, they should be here any minute now!"I said, shaking him off.

"I can't wait to see Brenda..."hesighed. And then he stared at me gravely. "What?" I asked.

"Why is it that the first time Ryan and Jane have sex they have a kid, and yet we do it every day and NOTHING?!"he yelled. "I want to have a kid too, you know? Like a little kid that's actually mine and everything! Hey, we did itlast weekand I think it was the best we've ever had!!!"

"Your point? We use those flavored condoms, remember?" He went all quiet and turned red and looked at the floor.I stared at him for a really long time. "We DO use condoms, RIGHT?"

"Weeeellllllllll... you know, the orgasm isn't as orgasm-ic with a condom on...."

"YOU DIDN'T HAVE A CONDOM ON!?!?!?" I screamed.

"BRENDON, YOU DIDN'T HAVE A CONDOM ON?" Ryan screamed from the door. I ran over and opened the front door, Jane holding the baby, Ryan holding the baby stuff.

"Wait what happened?" Jane asked.

"Oh uh look Charlette the baby's here!" Brendon changed the subject.

"Brendon, we heard the condom thing!" Ryan said, dumping the stuff down on to the floor. He smiled. "So you think that she might have a baby in her tummy? How many times did you do it without a condom?"

"Yeah, Brendon, HOW MANY TIMES!??!" I yelled.

"A couple?" he shrugged. "Six, seven maybe?"

"ALL OF LAST WEEK?!?!" I panicked.

"Hey, I got you a present... it's under the bathroom sink, you should probably use it..." Brendon said quietly.

"What kind of present?!?" I asked.

"It's in a small box... and it has Christmas wrapping paper on it.... and a ribbon...."

I groaned and marched to the bathroom, grabbed the shiny red box from under the sink, and sat next to Brendon again.

"Go on, open it!!!"

I ripped everything off and screamed when I saw the pregnancy test inside.

"BRENDON WHY DON'T YOU TAKE THE TEST!?!?" I yelled as I threw the box at him.

"I DID, AND THIS STUPID LINE CAME UP!! YOUR TURN!!" he said, pushing me in to the bathroom. I groaned as I locked the door and 'took the test'.

When I walked out, everyone was staring at me. Even Brenda. Which was kinda creepy.

"And?" Jane asked. They all started to smile, and I gave them an evil look.

"I hate you. Just saying," I said to Brendon.

"SOOOOOO? AM I A DADDY OR NOT!??!?!?!" he yelled.

I threw my arms down and smiled. "YEEEEEAH!!!!!!"

And then the baby started to cry. "Awwww," Ryan groaned, "Fifth time this morning! I stayed up all night playing guitar just for her!"

"Oooh what song did you play? Was it 'Lying'?" Brendon asked Ryan.

"Um no?" Ryan raised an eyebrow, "I played 'Behind the Sea'."

"GOOD ENOUGH!" Brendon yelled. "Brendon shhh I'm trying to get the baby to sleep," Jane said, "Do you have a guitar for Ryan?"

"YUPPERS!!" Brendon got the guitar out of his pants. "Um okayyyyy..." Ryan got the guitar. "We'll go upstairs."

"Okay now sing!" Brendon insisted.

"Ryan, I think Brendon should sing," Ismiled.

"Really?" Brendon bit his lip. "I don't know."

"Come on why not?" Jane agreed.

"Yeah please, I'm so worn out from singing all night last night," Ryan yawned.

"Okayyyy....how about.....Northern Downpour!" Brendon said. Ryan started to play the beginning part and then Brendon started singing, "If all our life is but a dream, fantastic posing greed then we should feed our jewelry to the sea..." and so on. It was so emotional that I started to cry.

"Awww, it's okay," Brendon put his arm around me but I was still crying. "YOU NEVER SING FOR MEEEEE!" I yelled. Brenda started whimpering again. "BRENDON! SING!" Ryan said in a very yelling manner. But not exactly.

Brendon still had his arm around me when he started to sing. After a couple minutes Brenda fell asleep and Ryan put the guitar down, but Brendon didn't stop singing. Finally he stopped, and I smiled.

"Oh my God did you actually sing for me?" I asked, wiping my tears and stuff on his shirt.

"Yep, I did! I actually sang for you!" We hugged and I smiled. This was actually the sweetest thing he had ever done for me, ever. And it was completely non-sexual. "Hey, we should have a party, yall!!!"

"Wait, why?" Ryan asked quietly.

"Because it's Ryan's seventh day as a daddy and I'm gonna be a daddy in nine months too!!!!!" Brendon said happily but quietly. "Oooh we should name the baby now!!! It's gonna be a boy!!!"

"Wait, how do you know?" I asked.

"Because if it's not I won't talk to you anymore. Because I want Brenda to marry Jimbob!!"

"Jimbob?"

"Yeah, our kids' name is gonna be Jimbob!"

"Whatever you say, Brendon,"Jane said as I put an arm aroundBrendon and led everyone downstairs for pie.