As You Wish, Chapter 3 ~ New Ideas~

Steph’s P.O.V.

‘As you wish.’ Those three little words haunted me for the next two months. I felt like a less suicidal version of that guy from the movie 23. However, instead of seeing the number 23 everywhere I heard those three little words that were a constant reminder of what I had done. What I had said to make his gorgeous smile slowly form a frown that was, to be honest, still gorgeous. Two months ago, on this very beach, I had lost the love of my life. Some might say I’m too young to know what love is, or that it was just puppy dog love, but I know the truth. That was the kind of love that people spent their whole lives looking for! The kind of love where, you could trust that they wouldn’t ever hurt you, and that they would indeed hurt anyone who tried to hurt you. The kind of love where, you never get tired of being with them and you would move heaven and earth just to see them happy. I HAD that, and I lost it. He was my other half, my better half. I lost that half of me and now I feel empty inside. My brothers and friends tried to understand, but it was just no use! None of them had experienced this before so they had no idea what to do. I couldn’t sleep, I lost my appetite, the only time I left my house was to run in the mornings, and here’s the biggest shocker of all, I barely spoke. I of all people, the person who NEVER shuts up, barely talked. It was scaring my brothers to say the least.

“What’s the worst that I could say? Things are better if I stay!” my ring tone jolted me back to reality as I saw that my best friend from Spain was calling.

“Hello?” I asked even though I already knew who it was.

“Steph? Hey it’s Shelly!” my friend spoke.

“Hey. What’s up?” I asked already knowing that she wanted to talk about Adien.

“WHAT’S UP? Did you just happen to forget to tell me that Adien and Brandon were coming to Spain?” Shelly asked sarcastically.

“Oh, about that….” I started before I wad rudely interrupted.

“Also, Brandon seems to have this ‘crazy’ Idea that you and Adien broke up! When did this happen? Did this happen? Why the hell didn’t you tell me? Do I need to kick his ass?” Shelly asked all in one breath.

“Yes, we broke up. It happened two months ago, in April. (Right before graduation) I’m sorry I didn’t tell you, I guess I just wasn’t ready to admit it. You know me, always in denial. Oh and no. You don’t have to kick his ass.” I also said in one breath. What can I say? We’re friends for a reason. We’re exactly a like. Ok, maybe not exactly, but pretty damn close.

“Ok…”Shelly said slowly.” So, what DID happen?”

“Well, a hobo confessed his love to me as I was walking down the street holding hands with Adien. I pushed Adien aside and had my way with the hobo. After that I felt bad and decided to at least invite Adien to the wedding we were having the next day in Vegas. Oh also, we are planning to have 5 million children who will all grow up to be Elvis impersonators.” I said sarcastically.

“BITCH! I was the one who was supposed to get married in Vegas!” Shelly laughed. After she calmed down she continued. “Seriously though, spill it. NOW!”

“Fine, fine. I convinced him to go by saying that I didn’t love him, which isn’t true, and he believed me. He just kept walking away; even after I said I didn’t mean it. And that was that!” I said sighing into the phone. The other end was silent for a while, at first I thought she had hung up on me. Then there was an explosion of anger from the other end of the phone.

“I’m gonna fucking kick his mother fucking ass! He had to of known you were lying! You’re the worst fucking liar in the world! That mother fucking bastard! Talk to you later Steph. I have some business to take care of at the moment.” Shelly said hanging up the phone before I could protest. Hey! What did she mean I was the worst liar in the world! I take offense to that.

As I started walking back to my house more memories of Adien floated into my mind. Memories of when I was seven, and Adien was pushing me on the swings at the park. Memories of when I was thirteen and Adien convinced me to come home after I heard the news about…about my parents’ car crash. Memories of when I was 14 and Adien secretly kissed me goodbye when I was boarding the plane to Spain to go to my first year at boarding school with my brothers. (That is where she met Shelly, they shared a room together. Her Aunt didn’t want to force them to move to Texas and Sean wasn’t quite old enough to take care of her. (He was 17, and had to be 18 to be her and Andy’s legal guardian) So they went to boarding school, while their house was waiting for them back in California.) Memories of when I was 15 and Adien came to visit me in Spain. I remember, he kicked a guy’s ass because I told him that he had been bothering me the whole year. Memories of when I was seventeen and Adien told me that he would love me forever.

Well I doubt he loves me now. Not after what I did to him

I arrived at my house, finding it empty. More memories flashed through my mind. Memories of me and Adien laughing, watching movies, going to parties, having food fights, water wars, wrestling matches, backyard football, over nights. (With her brothers! Adien is Brandon’s best friend! She hung out with them, for all of you dirty minds out there!)

I really made one hell of a mistake didn’t I? How could I have been so stupid! Why did I have to ruin what could’ve been my only chance at love? I need to clear my mind! Too many thoughts and memories! I’m starting to get a headache from all of this! I popped to Excedrin Migraine pills into my mouth and swallowed them with a gulp of water. I ran up stairs and got changed into a pair of shorts and a tank top, topping it off with my running shoes and my I-pod. I quickly left a note for my brothers telling them where I was going and ran out the door.

Running always helped clear my mind. It was the only thing I did that made me feel so free. Part of the thing that made me feel so free was that it was one of the things I had in common with my dad. Yupp, you guessed it! I was a daddy’s girl. I always went running with my dad in the mornings. He always slowed down so he was at the same pace as me (I was little! 13 and under!) When I run I feel like he’s there with me sometimes. It makes me feel closer to him. I was halfway down the block when I realized that I forgot to turn my I-pod on. I clicked the shuffle songs options. The first song that came on was Beautiful Disaster by Kelly Clarkson. I usually didn’t like her music, but I absolutely loved this song. Which is why, I tried my best to hum along, which is actually very hard when you’re sprinting.

“He drowns in his dreams, an exquisite extreme I know. He’s as damned as he seems, and more heaven than a heart could hold. And if I tried to save him my whole life would cave in. Lord it just ain’t right, no it just ain’t right. Oh and I don’t know, I don’t know what he’s after. But he’s so beautiful, such a beautiful disaster. And if I could hold on, through the tears and the laughter, would It be beautiful, or just a beautiful disaster.” I pushed the next button, knowing that I needed a song with a more up tempo beat. The next song that came on was I survived you, by Clay Aiken. Ok, I know what you’re thinking. Clay Aiken! Are you kidding me? Just listen to the song before you pass judgment on it.

“I can see clearly now the fog has lifted. The wool you tried to pull over my eyes was cleaver. Yah, your gifted, but you forgot to dot some I’s and cross some T’s along the way. I’m better off now, despite you baby; I’m stronger these days stronger. I survived the crash, survived the burn, survived the worst, yah baby, but I’ve learned. Survived the lies, Survived the blues, it almost killed me but I survived the truth. And when you wrote me off like I was doomed… I survived you.”

Ok, that wasn’t exactly the song I was looking for. Still too slow. Ok, I’ll give it one more try before I just turn the music off. This is interrupting my ‘Free’ time. Next Every time we touch by Cascada came on. Good song, but it reminded me too much of Adien. I listened to it anyways. People probably thought I was crazy. Here I am a girl running along the beach mumbling incoherent words to a song that is making me cry. Ok, maybe not exactly crazy… actually this is California, so this is probably normal for all these people.

“Every time we touch, I get this feeling; every time we kiss I swear I could fly. Can’t you feel my heart beat fast, I want this to last. I need you in my life.”

Eventually the song ended and I pushed stop. I continued running. Once my tears had stopped I pushed play. The next song was No Air by Jordan Sparks. She was pretty good, although I think Blake Lewis should have one American Idol. I saw the song on the charts and bought it, thinking that I would listen to it later to see if it was any good. I didn’t realize that the song would have such an effect on me.

“If I should die before I wake, it’s because you took my breath away. Losing you is like living in a world with no air. Ohh. I’m here alone, didn’t wanna leave. My heart won’t move, it’s incomplete, wish there was a way that I can make you understand. But how do you expect me, to live alone with just me. ‘Cause my world revolves around you; it’s so hard for me to breathe. Tell me how am I supposed to breathe with no air? Can’t live, can’t breathe with no air. That’s how I feel when you ain’t there, that’s no air, no air. Got me out here in the water so deep, tell me how you gonna be without me? I you ain’t here, I just can’t breathe, there’s no air, no air.”

That was the last straw. I couldn’t handle it any longer. I collapsed onto the sand only to find that I was once again in the very same spot where I had broken up with Adien. I pulled my knees up to my chest and put my head down crying. I don’t know how much longer I can last here without him. The songs lyrics were completely true, he was my air, and without him I was sure I wouldn’t survive. Especially with all of these memories of us surrounding me. We had gone through so much together and everywhere I looked something reminded me of him. There at that very beach, where I had been when I broke my own heart and also where I had already been numerous times these past two months, including this morning, I made my mind up. I couldn’t handle this any longer. I just couldn’t stay here, even for one more day. Quickly I turned off my music and started running back home. Who knew that one jog to the beach would change my life so drastically? I guess it didn’t change my life so much as it gave me new ideas.

Adiens’ P.O.V.

‘Spain is so awesome; I’m having the time of my life!’

‘Bullshit!’

‘…..?’

‘You heard me! Bull-fucking-shit!’

‘Great! Now I’m going crazy!’

‘No, you were crazy when you walked away from Stephenie. So technically your not going crazy, you already are crazy.’

‘I know I was crazy to leave her, but doesn’t that make you crazy too, since you are me. I mean I am just talking to myself right?’

‘No, I’m not crazy, because I was the part of you that told you to stay. Therefore I guess only part of you is crazy.’

‘Yah, because that makes total sense.’

‘Actually, it does. You’re just too stupid to comprehend it.’

‘Wouldn’t that make you stupid too? Like I said before, you are me!’

‘No. Ok, you know the whole ‘Left brain right brain’, thing? It’s like that. I’m the side of your conscience, the smart side that you don’t use often, but is still there.’

‘I see. Well even the dumb side of my conscience knows how stupid it was to leave Steph out there on the beach without saying anything to her.’

‘Then go home Dip Shit’

‘She wouldn’t take me back, even if I went home.’

‘And again I say, Bull-fucking-shit!’

‘What ever. I need coffee!’

‘Foi Toi’ (that’s French for Fuck you.)

As I walked into Starbucks and sighed.(I don’t know if there are any Starbucks in Spain, but I LOVE Starbucks, so there is in my story.) Maybe I should just go home, I’m miserable here anyways, despite what I try to tell myself. I walked up to the counter and saw a familiar looking girl with black hair and purple eyes glare at me. Great, just what I need.

“Hello, welcome to Starbucks, what can I get you?” She asked. Her name tag said her name was Shelly… hmm, sounds familiar. I think I saw her with Brandon the other day.

“I’ll just have a Venti coffee, black.” I said. After I paid I started to walk towards the other counter.

“Hey!” I heard her say, “I have a question for you.” Here it comes, I knew she looked familiar.

“Yah?” I asked walking back over to the counter.

“How long are you going to leave Steph over there?” She asked. Did I just hear her right? I had to make sure!

“Excuse me?” I asked shocked.

“I said how long are you going to leave your stuff over there?” she repeated pointing to my bag that I had put on a nearby chair. ”We’re kind of busy right now.” I swear she said Steph! Damn, I’m hearing things. “Hello?” she said again, waving a hand in front of my face. I must have spaced out. “Could you at least move? There’s a line you know!”

“Oh! Yah, of course, sorry!” I stumbled over my words thinking about Steph. I wonder what she’s up too lately. I picked up my phone ready to call her when Brandon’s words came to mind. ‘You don’t deserve her!’ I sighed and slid my phone back into my pocket. Maybe I’ll call her another time. Last time I checked up on her, Brandon said she wasn’t doing to well. He said she was having fainting spells occasionally, like she did when we were younger. She hadn’t had one since she was14; we thought she was over them. I talked to Mindy the other day too. She wasn’t too happy with me; she was always way over protective of her friends. She said that Steph was barely talking to anyone, and rarely came out of the house. Did I really do this to her? Am I seriously the cause behind her actions? I keep telling myself ‘she’s the one who broke up with me’ but then again she tried to explain and I wouldn’t let her. Plus she was a horrible liar. What had I done?