[TWO] I, My, Me! [Katekyo Hitman Reborn!]

I, My, Me!

Introduction to the Insane Girl

~

Yatta mina!

Shinki ni neracchau no wa atashi no chousen

Seiraa fuku kikaete mo = atashi

“Shuumatsu wa dou yo?/ Chiramise nante arikitari!/ Seifuku wa kantanyo--mya?”

Ruruhi removed her sight from the aiming telescope of her sniper rifle and sat up on her knees to fish the ringing cell phone out of her opened violin case that…held no violin whatsoever. She’d been singing along with the song until she realized it was her ringtone. Not just any ringtone, but the one that set off when someone from her family called.

“Hai, hai!! Moshi mosh--”

“RURU-CHAAAAN~! This is the TENTH time I’ve tried to call you! And before that I sent you TWENTY-TWO mails! WHERE WERE YOU?!” The high-pitched, sobbing voice shrieked on the other end. She’d dropped her phone as soon as the loud voice rang out, and let’s face it, she could hear it despite not being anywhere near her phone. She wasn’t even looking at her phone. She was digging around in the misused instrument case for something sharp, or preferably heavy. Why was she doing that? To get rid of that annoying voice, of course.

Her brown eyes turned to the shining, prone form of her sniper rifle before switching to the nicely-sized chunk of stray concrete sitting beside it.

“MOMMY AND DADDY WERE--” The shrieking, whiny staticy voice was cut off as something crash landed on the device. Electric crackles were heard, and dark smoke billowed out from beneath the broken building material.

“Aaaoouu, what an annoying bug.” She shook her head with a frown, regarding the twitching beetle that was on its back among the mess. Or maybe she was just trying to get rid of a bug… She raised her booted foot to stomp on the squealing, still-living insect before another, normal ringtone interrupted her.

She reached into her pocket and pulled out another cell phone. “Haiii~, Moshi moshi?” She asked with a grin, scratching her head. “Myah?” She caught sight of the escaping beetle and her grin widened.

“RURU-CHAAAN! How could you just cut Papa off like that?! We’re so worried about you--you haven’t called in ages since your last mission and you haven’t been returning our calls or e-mails and your siblings are all wondering how you are and we haven’t had a family dinner in forever and…”

Her father’s whining carried on and on, but Ruruhi wasn’t listening. As usual. She was focusing on landing her foot on the poor unfortunate beetle.

“…and Mama missed you too, in her own way (“What’s that supposed to mean, anata?”) and everyone is…Ruru-chan, are you still there…?”

“Kyah! It’s a bug! Bugs are bad because touto-kun says bugs record the innermost secrets of secret organizations and expose them for their evil ways!…Whatever that means. Who sent you to sabotage Ruru?!” She knew what the word sabotage meant?! The bug squeaked as its escape root was blocked by a thrown violin case. And it wasn’t the soft kind, either.

“Ruruhi.”

The blue-haired girl paused when a new, icy voice came onto the line, new cement chunk falling from her hands.

“Aou, maa-san?” She tilted her head.

“That’s Okaa-san, you brainless idiot. Where the hell have you been for the past FOUR weeks?”

“Ano…in Japan?”

“That’s a given. No one in their right minds would let you into another country. What I meant was: Is there any particular reason you didn’t report back after your LAST MISSION?! BAKA SHOUJO!(“A…anata, please don’t scream at her so harshly! She--” “Be quiet.” “H-hai, anata…”)”

Her eyebrows drew in over her eyes and she opened her mouth to reply, looking serious. “I…!! …I forgot.” …Sadly, that was about as serious as she could ever get.

Ruruhi drew the screaming phone away from her ear with a shrug. Come to think of it…why is Ruru here again…?

It was a mystery, to say the least. She didn’t even know what the gun-looking thing before her was for besides being a useful tool for seeing things that were too far away to see normally… She didn’t even know it was a gun! And it wasn’t even loaded! And along with that, she didn’t even know she had been carrying it in a violin case. She used that thing to carry her favorite candy any other time!

“OI, BAKA!”

“Haaaai~, Mama?”

“Okaa-san.” Her mother replied in a deadly tone.

“Eh…? But I’m Ruru. You’re kaa-san!”

“And you’re a waste of humanity.” The other voice hissed, sounding annoyed.

“Aou!…What’s humanity?”

“What did I do to deserve such an idiotic child…” If Ruruhi had a shred of understanding, she would feel the death aura radiating from her phone.

"That's terrible!"

“E-eh?” The sharp tone her daughter had taken on momentarily stunned the elder Furude.

“I’m sorry touto-kun isn’t as smart as you’d like him to be.”

“Bakamono…” Her mother sounded exasperated and ready to reach her hands through the earpiece to strangle the girl. “Just read the mail I’m sending you--READ IT. You DO know how to read electronic mail, don’t you?!”

“Hai.”

“Then read it. It has the information regarding your next mission. And if you ‘forget’ about this one, I’ll personally go out there and assassinate you myself.” There was another change in voices.

“A-ah, Ruru-chan, d-don’t take that seriously (“I am serious.”)!! E-eh, b-but please, please make sure you read the message and take care of it as soon as you can, or…Papa will freeze your imported candy fund!”

“Myah?! Ok, ok I’ll read it.”

“Good girl! Papa loves Ruru-chan for being such a good girl! Oh, and one more thing…”

“Hai!”

“…Is Ruru-chan wearing the sailor fuku Papa bought for her?” There was a sudden yell of 'hentai' and a painful-sounding crack on the other end of the line before the call went dead.

Ruruhi blinked. “Mya…I wonder who the hentai is(what is that, anyways?)? And what’s an imported candy fund…?” During the next instant, the screen blinked “MAIL” with an envelope icon and beeped. “Aou! Mail! I wonder who it’s from?” She opened the message and scanned over the jumble of katakana with a blank look. “Eh…I’ve never seen these characters before…why is there a circle? What’s the squiggly line? Why are there numbers?” It was just a shame that the message wasn’t in any form of her native language at all.

“Aou, a note at the end!” She squinted her eyes and slowly translated the footnote. “Stupid…daughter…you…should be able to understand…Engrish? Never heard of it…but it sounds like English! And that sounds like a subject in school!”

A second “MAIL” icon flashed across the screen, and she opened that message as well. “Aha! More funny characters!” But it was really in her native language. Either way, she finally managed to understand the gist of the message.

“It’s an address…and it says ‘go to Namimori right now or die?’ and less-than-three Papa at the end? Myah, I don’t know what that means, but I guess I’ll go.”

With that, the blue-haired girl picked up her violin case and hurried towards the stairwell. “Namimori, here I come!” What she didn’t know was that she was already in said town.

The sniper rifle remained at the edge of the rooftop, forgotten. Since it was in the same place she’d been observing her target from, and the target hadn’t moved, it still held the target within its sights. The forgotten beetle took a look through the telescope and sighed before scurrying off, feeling sorry for the spiky-haired brunet teen in the center of the crosshairs.

Poor Tsuna.

~(the lyrics at the beginning are from the opening to the anime Lucky Star, which I haven't seen yet, but I am addicted to the song XD)