First name: Jesse
Last name: Tour
Skin color: pale
Eye color: dark gray
Sexual orientation: .....
My name is Jesse Tour, and I am in love with my best friend. Her name is Elyse. We've known each other for as long as I can remember, but recently, due to a game of seven minutes in heaven, I've had all these strange feelings that I can't explain. I guess I like guys, I mean, I've had boyfriends before, I just never stuck with any of them for months on end. My first kiss was even a girl, so maybe I'm not as strait as I thought.
sometimes i wonder what's really going on inside me, i feel like i should know, i mean, it is my body after all. i though i was done with being an angsty teenager!
psh. being 18 is so not all it's cracked up to be....at least now i can buy cigs. ha ha!
maybe jenn's party tonight will be cool, hopefull it will take my mind off of everything. i hope there's booze. i need to drink. ugh.
maybe i should just talk to Ely about it....i mean,maybe she feels the same way! maybe we could.....oh who am i kidding?? she's already got a boyfriend. he's pretty hot too...maybe i'm bi. lord only knows.
I recently graduated college with my AA degree in visual arts. I graduated with honars too. Why yes, I -am- made of awesome. Back tot he point, I'm going to a party tonight with all my friends that also graduated. I'm hoping this is going to take my mind of it all. Or make it several times worse! The important thing is, we'll know.
So, that night, I headed over to Jenn's place (A totally bitchen' apartment on the water ((we live on the coast of Washington. Where we live, it's called 'the south end' by the people who live on Whidbey Island.)).)
Parties are usually a good place for me to be when I have issues. There a good source of drinks, which is what I go to when I have problems. Probably not the healthiest thing to do, but useful nontheless.
I walk in the door and am greeted by my friends, sitting around in the mod-furnished living room. There were several other people, most of whom I already knew. I took a seat on the only open spot on the couch-- right next to Elyse.
"Hey Jess, glad you could come." said Elyse, smiling at the pink faced girl (aka, me).
"Yeah. So.....this sure is off the hook." I said, calmly sarcastic.
"Well, so-rry! But I don't have flashy lights, or a good stereo system." defended Jenn.
"It's cool, it's cool." I reassured her. I looked around the room, and saw a hat of the glass coffee table, reminding me of that night me and Ely had our, um, moment. The hat was a like a short top-hat, with a bunch of small, foled pieces of paper-- oh boy.
"So, I know it's a small croud, until everyone get's here, but help yourself to drink on the island in the kitchen, but for now, let's play some games!" Jenn picked up the hat and pulled out a name. "Kayden!" she said, pulling out another name "wiiiiith, Jesse!" she hopped up from her chair and shoved us into the closet. closed the door she wispered, "Seven mintues."
But I could hardly call this heaven. I didn't even know this kid! The only light was seeping in from the bottom of the door, other than that it was completely dark. I couldn't see nyathing, and I was worrying about what Ely was thinking. She was probably happy for me. I mean, this kid sure was hot, Ely was probably hoping I would hook up with him and then go on a double sate with her and that Kevin guy she loves so much. What was so great about him anyway?
While I was thinking all this, I was unaware of Kayden inching towards me.
"Woah!" I said, suddenly realized how close he was. "Didn't see you there...um....yeah I--"
"We don't have to do anything." he said.
"Oh? Yeah...yeah! I was just--"
"But you're tag in flipped up," he said to me, pointing to the back of my shirt.
"Oh, ha! Thanks." I said, weather this was an exuse or not, that was kind of lame. Still, he tried. "But, I never said I didn't want to do anything..."
He looked up at me. My thought proccess was this: If I could prove to myself, by macking a hot guy and feeling nothing, that I was indeed gay, then I would go after my love-- Elyse. However, I will totally hook up with this guy if he wants to, and if I feel something.
I grabbed the front of his jacket and pulled him into a kiss. He opened his mouth and let my tungue search his mouth, he put his arms roung my waist, pulling me closer. I put my arms arouns his neck, pushing him up agaist the wall of the closet. I took his jacket off, but when I heard foot steps coming, I pulled away, dropping his jacket, wiping my mouth.
"Time's up guys." Said Jenn suspiciously, even though we were apart.
The kiss was wet, and hot. But not hot as in.....hot, you know? It was more the warmth than anything else. He wasn't a bad kisser thought.
More people came to the party, someone turned on music, people danced, drank, sang, laughed, and me....I was trying to avoid Elyses eyes. I drank as much as I thought was neccissary to go up and talk to her. After a few shots and several beers, I was ready.
I saw her standing the the hall, just standing there. I grabbed her arm and pulled her into the bedroom. "Look," I started, as sober as I could manage. "I know we...had a thing, and by that, I mean we made out once....but...I like you." I almost fell backwards, but instead I fell forwards, crashing into her, landing on the bed.
"You're drunk, aren't you?" she asked.
"Well, not entirely, but...that doesn't change how I feel about you.." I hickuped.
"Well, it's not like I'm totally sober either, but .... I don't know how to say this--"
"I can handle it if you don't like me...because I'm rather smashed, but just...just hold me." I said feebily.
"It's not like that! I just didn't--"
I cute her off by pressing my lips to hers. I pulled away to see her dazzeling blue eyes staring up at me. Her cheeks were rather flushed, but that could have been the booze. My cheecks were probably the same way, but they would have been, even if I hadn't been drinking.
"Will you let me finish?" she asked me.
"I like you! I like you a lot! I think you're....a really good person, and you're hot and.....and I want to be with you!" she confessed.
"Are you for real? Or is that the alcohol talking?" I asked her defiantly.
"No I'm serious! Ever since that day.....when you said you'd always love me.."
"I said that forever ago! I think we were fourteen....you've liked me since then?"
"I started liking you after we made out, like, a few months ago....and when I said I'd always love you....I meant that as friends at the time...but nontheless, it's true." I said, smiling.
She reached up and gave me a kiss. And ever since then we've been happily together. J&E♥
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