Hellion Masquerade [9]

I stepped out of the cad, after paying, only a block down the street from Gotham General deciding to walk the rest of the way.

The winter cold nipped angrily at my face stinging my eyes, but it was nothing compared to the searing pain burning in my heart.

Pain.

It was a feeling that I had gotten to know very well and it now seemed like a friend that I know as well as the back of my hand.

Sighing I continue down the street tears blurring my vision. I shouldn’t have let it get this far. I should have killed myself a long time ago. Before I got pregnant, before I began having feelings for the Joker, well the ones he’d forced upon me.

I shiver as a drop of snow lands on my pale skin.

Could I really go home now? Would I be able to face the madman known as the Joker? Can I look him in the eye and tell him that I hate him with all my heart and soul?

Hate, it was something I don’t think I’ve ever truly felt. It heated my body with a disgusting loathing feeling and takes over my mind controlling it in strange unknown ways.

I keep wishing I were dead but I know I can’t commit suicide. If I kill myself that would mean that I’d be leaving Diana in the hands of the Joker and Lord knows what he’d put in her head. Murder, blood, and violence he’d make them seem like things that are good. I shake my head shivering again.

Glancing to a news paper stand I see that the Joker was on the cover this morning, he always seems to be there. Center stage like the performer he was all eyes on him not daring to move away.

I could hear his laugh ringing in my ears and every single time I close my eyes it’s his face I see. Haunting my every sleeping and waking moment, the Joker always seemed to be there. I couldn’t escape his tight, firm hold and I fear that I never will.

Well, eventually I will, because I’m no more than his little toy. I’m just part of a game and when he gets bored of playing I’ll be gone, removed from the face of Earth. I was nothing to him, just a trophy of pain and an item he can get his pleasure from, which was him hurting me in any way possible.

My pace is now slow and my head is down as I walk not wanting to get to where I was going, fearing that once I arrive he’ll put me through torture like he had Josh.

How long can I take it? I’m bound to break into little pieces after a while right?

I stumble slightly but quickly pick myself back up. I don’t look around to see if anyone saw though because it doesn’t matter. They don’t know me, I don’t know them.

A breeze brushes my sides and I frown wishing that the Joker would allow me a jacket at the very least. But no, a jacket would cover up that oh-so-beautiful branding.

“Argh!” I shout in frustration when I step into the street my foot landing in a puddle of freezing icy cold water.

Today is just not my day, I think to myself bringing my foot back to me. Turning around I see a television store and they’re showing the news in the window. My heart aches even more as they show a shot of Josh’s room, and again guilt fills me up.

Warm tears are now running down my frozen face and I quickly turn away with winter chills running down my spine. I clench my fists trying to stop shaking as I now move quickly down the snowy sidewalk not looking at anyone.

Finally I made it home and opening the door my mouth falls open for the third time that day. I don’t blink… I can’t blink. My eyes glaze over the wall and time seems frozen. The words read: ‘You can’t spell slaughter without laughter’ I crinkle my brow staring at it. The words were written in crimson blood, which I’m guess once belonged to Josh.

I begin to approach the wall and once I reach it I lift my shaking hand to the writing going over it with my fingers. It was hard and dry; I could tell it was written earlier today, probably after the Joker paid Josh a visit.

A sob escapes my parted lips and I lean my head against the wall my hand running up and down it. My legs go weak and fail to keep me up so I fall to the floor crying and screaming.

I press my face against the wall harder my clenched fist shaking in my lap and I’m thankful no one is here.

Slowly and with as much strength I have I lift myself up off the floor heading to the kitchen to get supplies to clean off the wall. I try moving quickly so that if anyone does come in the words would be gone.

‘You can’t spell slaughter without laughter’ I couldn’t figure out why he had written this. Was it supposed to hold meaning to me? If so I couldn’t figure out how.

Dropping the sponge I had used to clean the wall to the floor I turn around staggering off to my bedroom. Or would it now be called mine and the Joker’s bedroom? I don’t know and I really don’t care at the moment, all I can think of is how I hurt Josh.

I was a horrible person. No correction I am a horrible person. I should have called him and warned him about the Joker, or at least told him that I remembered. But no, I kept it a secret, and even though this secret hurt Josh, I plan on keeping it. I can’t have anyone else knowing that I remembered, well my mother does but other than that no one else. I don’t want anyone getting hurt anymore than they already have.

I sit down on the bed slipping my legs under the sheets and laying on my side curling into a tight ball as tears run down my face.

I hear the door open and I sit up staring at the man who ruined my life. My eyes were filled with hurt, hatred and tears.

“Get the fuck out of my life.” I growl and he just stares at me. I notice he isn’t wearing his jacket or shoes and his gloves are off but I don’t really care. And I’m also going to guess that he’s the only one here besides me because I couldn’t hear anyone outside the door.

He begins to approach the bed and I tremble my anger rising. “GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME JOKER!” I screech grabbing a glass dish off the bedside table and releasing it chucking it as hard as I possibly can towards him. I have no intentions of hitting him and know I’m not going to because of my horrible aim.

Blood.

That’s the first thing I saw when I looked at the Joker’s head. I had hit him. My eyes grow wide with shock and horror and scoot back as I see the anger and rage arrive in his darkened hazel eyes.

I sob as he comes at me a fist raised high in the air and I await the blow, I can take it. But suddenly he turns away from me and then turns back around climbing onto the bed and crawling over me.

I begin to whimper when I feel him pulling me towards him. I try getting away but it doesn’t work and he places me on his lap. I lift my shaking hand touching the spot I had hit but he quickly grabs my hand and brings it to his lips kissing my fingers and sending electrical bolts down my spine. I sniffle tears still coming down my face but some how I’ve calmed down a bit. He entwines his fingers with mine and I feel like something is fluttering in my stomach.

“I….” There seems to be much determination in his voice and I stare at him still mad. “I…. I love you.”

The world stops.

“No!” I shriek tears running down my face. He can’t love me because it is impossible for him to love, he doesn’t know how. And if you love something you don’t hurt it, you don’t put it through pain and agony like he had done to me. You don’t torture what you love.

“No, no, no, no! You don’t!” I cry.

I try pulling myself away but he keeps his arms firmly around my waist taking me down lying on the bed with me.

“No!” I scream again kicking my legs trying to escape.

“I love you.” He says again stroking my hair and ignoring my sobs.

He doesn’t, this is just one of his games, he’s trying to take me over the edge. Make me lose control and give in to insanity.

My sobs turn to whimpers and I can feel the Joker’s hot breath on my face. I bring my gaze to his face seeing that he had fallen asleep, or maybe he’s just acting, but I don’t care either way. I slip out of his grasp and crawl off the bed.

My feet pad quietly out of the room and I notice that we’re still the only ones here. Quickly I make my way to the kitchen.

I guess it worked, I had definitely lost it. There were two reason I knew this for sure, one because of what I was about to do. And two because I think I might actually love him, not like the feelings he had forced me to have but like an actual love, butterflies in your stomach and everything.

Once I get to the kitchen I walk or to a drawer and open it. I dig around it for a few moments until I found what I was looking for. I wrap my thin fingers around the knife removing it from the drawer and turning around I see the Joker standing just a few yards away.

I don’t speak because there are no words.

Slowly I raise the knife in the air and his eyes follow a smile suddenly playing his lips.

“You wouldn’t.” He says watching me. “You don’t have what it takes.”

“No… I don’t….” But I change the direction of the knife, pointing it towards myself.

“What are you doing?” The Joker a confused expression taking over his once controlled face.

I have no clue what I’m thinking, but that’s probably because I’m not. I bring the knife down and a scream comes from my lips as it breaks my flesh diving into my stomach. My vision starts to blur and my body shakes harder. Glancing down I can see my stomach covered in blood. That’s the last thing I see before it all went black….

(Gotham General Two Days Later)

My eyes flutter open and I let out a groan. What happened? Oh yeah, that’s right I tried to kill myself.

Looking around I see that I was in a hospital and there are IVs in my arm, but I wasn’t sure how I got here. Maybe Mark took me once everyone got back because surely the Joker wouldn’t bring, that would mean helping me and he would never do something like that. Well he did once or twice four years ago….

“Miss Walters.” I hear a man’s voice and I turn my head to the side.

“Uh huh.” I mumble, the man has blue eyes, red hair, and pale skin. He seems nice enough and is holding a folder.

“There’s someone here to see you.” He tells me but I shake my head.

“Please, I’m really not ready to see any one.” I tell him. He looks at me for a moment before nodding his head and leaving.

I sigh looking down and seeing that I’m in a hospital gown. Slowly I move the sheets off my down and pull the gown up to my rib cage. I frown looking at the stitches in my stomach and press my hand against it gasping at the pain and quickly pulling away.

The man enters the room again. “I’m sorry miss but they say that they really need to talk to you right away.”

I frown again pulling the hospital gown down and the sheets back over my body. “Alright.”

He steps away from the door letting a girl in, her long silky smooth and wavy golden locks are pulled back in a ponytail, she was tan glowing skin and I could see the concern in her dazzling dark blue eyes.

“Can you give us a moment alone?” The girl asks the doctor and he nods leaving the room and shutting the door.

“Allie?” I murmur and she nods.

“Callie, Josh… he told me.” I stare at her thinking for a moment.

“Told you what?” I ask slowly.

“A-about you… and the Joker… and that you remember….” She said and my eyes widen.

“He… he told you? Why?” I ask sitting up. “Argh.” I groan the pain is too much to sit up so I lay back down.

“Yes… he didn’t want you getting hurt.” She smiled slight. “But I guess it’s too late for that. Did he…?” Her voice trails off but I know what he’s talking about.

“No… I did.” I tell her. Allie’s eyes grew wide.

“You did! Why?”

“I don’t know… I wasn’t thinking.” I murmur. “Does… does Katie know?”

Allie shakes her head. “Not yet.” She says.

“Don’t tell her… and don’t let Josh tell her.”

“Why not?”

“I don’t want everyone knowing. Please. I don’t want you guys getting hurt.” She nods her head.

“Alright.” She takes her phone out of her purse looking at the time. “I’ve gotta go. I’ll see you later.”

“Okay.” I nod as she walks out and the doctor walks back in.

“So Callie, how are you feeling?” He asks walking over to me.

“Um…. I guess a little better.” I say not really sure what to say. He smiles looking at the IV fluids, he lifts a needle sticking it into the fluid thing injecting something into it.

Sedatives.

“Have a good night Callie.” He smiled as my eyes drooped and darkness took control.