My Twilight review

You know what? I am so very sick and tired of turning around and seeing people gushing about how exellent the 'Twilight' Saga is. Spare me a few moments, readers, as I express my opinion on this 'Saga' as it is so called.
My first issue is the bad messages it sends. Okay, bear with me, Edward stalks Bella. You cannot deny that he doesn't stalk her. He watches her sleep, he sabotoges her car, and a number of other things I cannot recall at the moment. This would be okay, if Bella had ordered a courthouse restraining order pronto, but no. She doesn't. In fact, she is flattered by it. This is sending the message that this sort of behavior is okay and that it's romantic. And remember Eric? From the first book? Well, he was perfectly nice and could have offered a lot more to Bella than Mr. Sparkles and Shine Vampire Stalker... but... he had oily hair... and pimples... so, he wasn't worth Bella's time. Seriously, WHAT? It was basically. "Eric: O hay. I'm Eric. I dare to be nice to you because I think you're cool. Bella: Ew. Oily and pimply... go away. I'm going to go talk to the pretty people. Eric: :'(". 'Looks are everything' Does that sound familiar? Yeah, that's basically what this book is promoting. Another bad message; Edward and Bella get married... at 18. Really, it's not like Edward's going any where. Bella could have at least gone to college and been sucessful. O WAIT. BELLA'S NEVER HEARD OF COLLEGE OR SUCESS BCAUSE SHE'S BEEN 2 BUSY FAUNING OVER EDWARD'S SPARKLEY HAWTNESS. Okay, in New Moon when Edward leaves Bella, Bella starts going all emo on us. When she does reckless things, she starts hearing his voice. And she CONTINUES to do reckless things just to hear his voice. Kids, this is not a sign you're in love, this is a sign that a little trip to the Funny Farm would do you good.
Okay, my next issue. The vampires. They sparkle. Okay, WHAT?! This is one of the stupidest things I've ever heard of. This is not originality, people. This is sheer and utter stupidity at it's finest.
That was a tiny issue, now on to a bigger one. All the characters are flat. 2-D. Undeveloped. Bland. Whatever other word you can come up with. Bella is a Mary-sue. She has five guys in love with her by the middle of the book, not to mention she'simmune to all thevampire's powers. And for some strange, unknown reason that is never explained,all the bad vampires want to kill her because her blood smells good. I say it is unexplained because SMeyer never bothers to tell us WHY her blood smells so good and is so tempting to vampires. Oh, and Edward doesn't have a personality. At all. Even one of my friends who liked the books said 'If you asked me to tell you Edward's personality, I wouldn't be able to.' What does that tell us? That no, he is NOT the perfect boyfriend. He's an annoying, stalkerish, bland, abusive- I bet I lost you at abusive, didn't I? Well, abuse can go beyond physical.Ever heard of emotional abuse?
Anyway, (gosh, this is getting sorta longer than I expected) I'm going to dedicate a whole section of this to Breaking Wind... I mean Fail... I mean DAWN. BREAKING DAWN. Anyway,SMeyer completely demolished all the rules she had established in the last three books and in interviews. One, Bella was a perfect newborn. SM said that newborns were supposed to be incredibly unstable, yet Bella is walking around and gazing at her PERFECT!reflection in the mirror like five minutes after she got Turned. And, vampires are not supposed to be able to reproduce. SM said it herself. /HERSELF/ Their parts don't work because they. Are. DEAD. D-E-A-D. Yes, they are walking, but their hearts are not beating. So therefore, they are DEAD. Bodily functions don't work when you are dead. Moving on, Breaking Dawn had a perfect ending. I believe the last line is 'And so we moved blissfully into our small, but perfect piece of our forever' Or something along those cheesy lines. Uh, gag much? And SM bended the rules of her own UNIVERSE in order to achieve the happy 'twu wuv' ending SHE wanted. People pull the 'OH! Well, Harry Potter had a happy ending!' card, but Harry had to have loved ones and people around him die, Bella just had to birth the Lock Ness Monster. Twilight used to be about Bella having to make sacrifices, but in the end, EVERYONE got EVERYTHING they wanted handed to them. No sacrifices involved.
So, in the end I saw Twilight as a peice of garbage similar to an eleven-year-old's fanfiction. Wait, sometimes there are interesting things in garbage, and I know a few eleven year olds who can write better than SM... Lets just say the book was crap. Anyway, I probably have more issues with the series, but my hands are cramping, so thanks for sitting through my long rant/review/whateves.
~Elayne over and out