Nobodies perfect.
I never tried to be perfect. I just want to be good.
Nobodies perfect.
I just have to keep saying that to myself, keep repeating it.
Nobodies perfect.
Divorce, rivalry, depression, drugs, cheating, boys, sexual tendencies, all of them play large parts in my life.
Nobodies perfect.
The feeling of being trapped suffocates me. School, home, clubs, girl scouts, friends.
Friends.
Friends and family are said to be the most important thing in the world.
Family.
The torn feeling between my parents. The harsh hate my sister and I feel for each other.
Sister.
Perhaps part of my problem is trying to live up to her, fill her size 7 ½ shoes with my tiny 5 ½ feet. I try to get good grades and do well in school.
School.
Perhaps it’s the want, the need to be good for my family that caused me to cheat. Perhaps it’s the want for the car. So many things. I just want to be good, to be understood, but at the same time have that badass feel about. Good little girl with a bad outside, a bad background. It’s how I want to appeal to the boys.
Boys.
Was it me who wanted to try pot first or was it the boys I fall for who cunningly lured me to it? I just want to be sexy, sweet, spicy, everything.
Drugs.
Drugs are a part of my life now. Outings with my friends are when we can get together to smoke a few bowls. That feeling of lightheadedness, of freedom.
Freedom.
I feel trapped. Perhaps that’s why the car feels like such a necessity in my life. It’s so I can get away from my family but still come back when I was ready.
Nobodies perfect.
Just shut my eyes and ignore the pounding headache. The guilt will fade.
Mom did it in French. Dad did it in collage.
No.
It’s not right. And I won’t allow myself to even try to justify it.
I was wrong. What I did was wrong and now I’m paying. If only I could turn back time.
It’s not your fault. If your parents weren’t fighting, if there wasn’t so much pressure.
No.
The voice still whispers, makes up excuses.
Nobodies perfect.
I don’t want to be perfect. I just want to be free.
