Chapter 15
Running and a vision
I felt like I was in a horror movie and this was the part where everyone was waiting to be killed. Bella, Alice and Jasper were miles away and I was sitting quietly in the Cullen’s living room. Staring into space. Edward was standing quietly, probably over thinking everything as he always did. My face was composed but my mind was a mess. I was worried about Bella but I knew at the same time she was okay. I was most upset about the fact that the Cullen’s were endangering their lives for Bella and I. I knew that Bella was in much danger since she was in fact a human. But in a sense it was me James was after, me he was thinking about. I attracted him. I was his heroine, just as I was Edwards.
I was sitting, wondering what Edward was thinking about. It was one of those times where I wish I could tap into my mind reading sense but no matter how hard I urged it to come, it refused. My mind began to wander again and the dream I had from the previous night flooded my mind. I kept seeing Bella’s face. It was tortured with fear as she stared in horror at something. Then I saw how my face flashed in it. I saw anger and thirst in it just before Bella screamed. I shuttered. I couldn’t help but think some how something would go wrong and I was going to hurt her. This dream was telling me I was dangerous.
I glanced up at Edward. Just as I had expected, he was staring off into space. If I had been able to read his mind, I would have. But like everything else in my life, I had a glitch. I felt the feeling of dishonesty flow through me. I knew he was hiding something from me, yet I was still oblivious to what.
“What are you thinking?” I asked quietly. Edwards head snapped up as he looked at me. His eyes were distant and they were a black haze. I hated seeing him like this; lost and confused, over thinking everything.
“Don’t worry about it.” he murmured softly, avoiding my gaze.
Carlisle must be right…he always is… I heard Edwards thoughts echo through my head. I froze, concentrating on his voice and his words. I opened my mind, reaching for his. I felt it brush against mind and a rush of emotion flowed through me. Confusion, curiosity, anger, and aggression flowed through my. I mentally smiled, but not physically. I was in his mind and he had no idea.
I really should tell her…but how would she react? Angry? Scared? No… I can’t let her fear anything. She’ll be fine… he continued.
“What don’t I know?” I asked sharply. Edward knew something that I didn’t and if it would make me mad, I knew it was important. Edward looked at me bewildered.
“What are you talking about?” he asked, completely confused. These were times I was glad more then anything he could not read my mind.
“You know what I’m talking about.” I said sharply. I as standing now, fists clenched. Edwards jaw set as he watched me.
“You read my mind,” he said more as a comment then a question. I hesitated then nodded slightly. Edward turned on his heels and began walking away. I stormed after him.
“Where are you going?” I demanded, voice louder. Edward turned to face me.
“If your going to read my mind then I’m leaving to where you can’t.” he said flatly.
“Why? Because you know your hiding something that I need to know?”
“No, because it’s an invasion of privacy.”
“you do it ever day! Don’t criticize me! Your being a hypocrite. Tell me what I need to know! I’m not going to be mad about it unless you refuse to tell me and I’m not going to fear anything. You should know that.” I said. Edward started at me long and hard. I could no longer read his thoughts now that my focus was diverted.
“You don’t need to worry about it.” he said firmly.
“The hell I don’t! Edward, a crazed vampire is out to kill me and my sister I think I need to be in on what ever is going on! You can’t keep me in the dark like some blind puppy! I’m not weak and I’m tired of being treated like a am!” I bellowed.
That’s when it happened. Every glass thing in the living room exploded, sending razor shards of glass flying. The breakage noise sounded like car crash. Edward shielded his eyes while I jammed my eyes shut, concentrating and feeling ever shard with my mind. When I was sure I did, I ground them together with the air in the room, trying to turn them in to crystallized glass dust. When I opened my eyes, that’s exactly what they were. There were small glass-dust dunes on the floor, piled everywhere.
I glanced at Edward. Shock was written across his face as he stared at the floor, stared at the mess I had just made with my sudden out burst. Remorse filed through me as I realized what I had just done. I took another deep breath and sorted out every grain of glass dust and molded them together, fitting them like a jigsaw puzzle. I raised my hand that was in a fist, wrist upward. I opened my palm, facing upward, letting the energy in my mind flow from it.
Edward and I both watched in amazement as a small glow emitted from my palm. In a small burst of light every broken shard of glass was back to its previous form and to where it had originally had been. Edward stared at me, amazed. I was just as shocked as he was. This was once again one of those moments where my instinct took over and did something I could never imagine doing.
“How…what…?” Edward half-whispered, completely awestruck.
“I don’t know,” I said, not looking at him. “that’s why I need to tell me what you know. Edward, I don’t know how to control these things and maybe, just maybe if you told me everything you know, I would have a better idea of how to control this. Not knowing…Edward, keeping me in the dark is the most dangerous thing you could do. I could hurt someone… you Bella-”
My voice failed and I sank to the floor, arms encircling my knees. I rested my chin atop my knees as I let a tear escape my eyes. I was so lost and I could do nothing about it. I was hopeless, lost in a world of madness and evil. I was doomed with power that was unbelievable and unbeatable. I was a weapon of mass destruction and there was a single thing I could do about it. I was set on the fact that I was a time bomb, waiting to explode at any given moment. All I needed to know what when that time would be, when my anger would flare so bad that I would literally self-combust and kill anyone around me.
I felt myself being pulled upwards off of the ground into something hard and cold; Edwards chest. I hid my face in his jacket, sobbing the more I thought about how dangerous I was to the people around me. There was nothing I could do to stop myself. I was destined to kill everyone, including the ones I loved. This wasn’t a give like Alice had implied. This was a curse, a curse that the world was fortunate not to have. But me? I was chosen to carry the burden of a killer, a weapon.
At that moment, as I stood with Edwards arms holding me against his chest, as I cried into him, I made a decision. A decision that no one would like, but would have to live with. I was to much of a threat, to much of a worry and burden. I had to get out of here. I would lead Jams an Victoria both away. Bella and the Cullen’s would be safe. I would be a problem no more.
Gaining all my strength, I pulled away from Edward. He let go of me, not knowing what I was doing. I knew this wasn’t going to be the best way to do it, but I knew it would work. I shuffled to the door, he didn’t fallow me, but he stood there, looking away and thinking. Perfect. I reached for the door and stepped onto the porch. I stopped, listening for him to see if he fallowed me. He didn’t. He suspected nothing. I walked down the steps, stopped and listened. This time, he stopped walking. He was listening to me now, aware that I was off the porch. I sat on it, giving him no reason to come out. He waited for a moment and continued, walking up the stairs. I took the chance and shot up, running into the forest. I was much faster then Edward was, so I knew that with this head start he wouldn’t catch me.
While running I reached out for his mind. I found it easily. He was in a panic, instantly after me. I then did something I didn’t want to do; I blinded him. I blinded his hearing, vision and sense of smell. He stopped instantly, yelling a string over curses that echoed through the trees. I felt his raged flush through me, and even though I felt terrible, I didn’t ease on the blinding and I didn’t stop running.
Fear and adrenaline pushed me. I knew I would tire sooner or later, unlike like the rest of the vampires in the world, I had human qualities and I couldn’t run forever. I ran over mountains, through forests, through anything. I changed my course as many times as possible and after lapped around places, crossing my scent over trails and other things to confuse anyone fallowing me. I knew the first one would be Edward. I was sure that at the moment I wouldn’t need to worry about James who was fallowing Andrew and Carlisle. Victoria wouldn’t notice either since she was after Esme and Rosalie. I was safe for the time being.
I finally stopped when my heart was racing to fast for its normal pace. From the looks of it, I was somewhere in Michigan. I figured I would take a rest and then swim to New York and then take a plane to Italy. I had to stay away from everyone that I loved. I was to dangerous. I had un blinded Edward a while back when I had to focus on not being tired. I decided now was the a good time to see what he was doing.
I closed my eyes and picture him. Practice must have paid off because quickly and easily a vision of him flowed through my mind. It was dark where he was, and just as I had expected, he and Emmett were searching the trails I had left. They weren’t even out of Washington yet which proved that I did a perfect job on mixing my trails into complicated twists and jumping into water at the perfect times.
I could feel Edwards rage through me and I felt sorrow as well. I felt his sadness his my hard in the chest. My heart ached as I felt how much pain he was in that a left him. His mood shifted slightly as a felt his confusion flow from his mind. He was just as lost as I was, but not about the same things. I felt terrible and I thought of what I could do to help him. An idea popped into my mind and I pushed the feeling of happiness through the thin connection that I had going. I knew it worked because Edward stopped in my vision. He knew I was some what present.
Come back! he yelled through his mind. It hurt my head, his voice. I had never heard him so angry before and it terrified me.
No. I said and broke off the connection as quickly as possible.
When I did, my head throbbed slightly from the loudness of his voice. I had goose bumps down my arm and the hairs on my neck stood up. Edward had never lost his temper as he had just done. He had lost it so bad that even my persuasion of happiness disintegrated at his words. They were filled with fear, rage and pain. I would have tried harder but the enraged Edward terrified me to a point were I had to sit for a moment and calm down. I was almost sure he was going to kill someone now.
I began wandering aimlessly through the woods, no direction in mind. I listened to the trees whispering to each other and the animals walking through the forest. every time something caught my scent it ran faster then it would have if a human had come along. I was a monster to them. I was something they knew they didn’t have a fighting chance against. A monster. This was what i had come to be. Something that powers it couldn’t control, something that was a lethal weapon to everything around me, protecting me.
I was now standing on a hill looking down at the city below me. It was dark all around me, and it was cold. The stars weren’t shinning at all. The clouds covered the moon that would have hung low in the sky that night. The city took places of the stars, shining and blinking with its lights. The noises were loud and busy. No one but someone like me or the cullen’s would be able to hear there city like we could. Human ears failed to reach so far out.
I sat down on a boulder looking down on the city. It looked pretty from were I was sitting. It reminded me of home in California. Home. It was familiar to think those words, and I realized that was because I had one. Thoughts about Helen and Raymond filled my head. Like earlier that week, the thoughts of them triggered something and images flowed through my head.
I was standing in the hallway, looking at my favorite icture in the entire house. It was the one of Helen, Raymond and there daughter Emily Victoria. Something inside of me struck as a whirled around and thundered down the stairs and out the house. I didn’t bother getting into the car, I flew past it, graveling flying beneath my feet as I moved. I was running down the trail in the back of the house, further into the thicker parts of the woods.
The scent of rust and salt drifted to my nose strongly. I ran faster, fallowing the smell. I burst into a small clearing and stopped dead. I wasn’t able to move. I wasn’t able to think or see. I felt blinded by tears that were burning my eyes, threatening to flow free from them. They were there. Just as I had feared.
The vision broke free, leaving me shaking and on my hands and knees. I was out of breath from keeping it going so long and my mind was out of sorts. I stayed like that for a few moments, not trusting myself to get up or move. If this was a vision, and not a nightmare, I had done something stupid, something that she had been planning all along. Maybe Laurent was right, James was smart and in being so, so was Victoria. Maybe they had been one step ahead of me all along. What ever motive pushed me upwards, it was strong. I began walking, not trust myself to run. I fallowed my trail back until it got crazy and went on memory. I didn’t think anything, didn’t look anywhere. I marched forward, numb and with no emotion. I had to go. I couldn’t let this happen.
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