.Brendon. Good good now we're making some progress .Ryan. 31 (NOT SLASH!!)

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24 hours later, 3 hickeys and an awkward day out with Mom, Faith and I were once again left alone in the house. Mom was going out more with her friends to clubs on the strip. She even went to one of those famous Vegas strip clubs and told Faith and I all about it...we pretty much ran outside and called our respective partners for emotional support.

After making out with Ryan in his car for about 15 minutes, I had 3 hickeys on my neck. This was the first time I ever had them, and I didn't stop to think about the "consequences" I did however, learn a few things about hickeys. I always thought the guy would bite to give them, but I quickly learned they suck. This wasn't less painful either. Another thing I learned in my hickey experience was they were bruises, therefore they were more purple than red, well mine were anyway from how hard Ryan was sucking.
Aside from that today Mom decided we needed a "mother daughter day" Faith got out of it, but it was mostly me she wanted anyway. Ever since Ryan and I got caught sneaking out, she has been scared she has been neglecting me, and taken time off work to spend time together. The first week she took her holiday time to spend time with me. The second week she decided to lay off a bit. But because of this, we had to go to the mall together.

The worst thing? I do not own a single scarf. So I had to cover one with a band aid, and claim Chas scratched me. The second one I did a dodgy job of hiding with concealer and foundation. The third one I hid with my hair. So I've had my hair on my right shoulder for the past few hours in a paranoid fashion. I nearly choked on my lunch when she made a joke about people thinking I'm covering a hickey with the band aid.

That wasn't even the worst part of the day. While mom went into one of her old person stores, Brendon was coming out of the music shop with Brent and a few others from his school. We both awkwardly ducked away from each other, until my Mom called out to him and dragged me over to him. His eyes darted to the band aid on my neck, and must have seen the purple substance where my hair was supposed to be on the right side of my neck,so I gasped and quickly covered it. His facial expression went gloomy, and he muttered something about missing his bus and quickly caught up with his friends.

"This is boring." Faith whined, as we were covered in blankets watching America's Funniest Home Videos.

I looked over at the clock.

"Wow, it's only 6pm." I observed

"We're such losers!" Faith squealed, as she slumped back on the couch.

"We get to watch the Saturday night family movie!" I said with fake sarcasm

"Boring, but seriously, don't you feel weird? I mean, it's a Saturday night and we're just sitting here covered in blankets watching crappy TV shows. Doesn't it just feel like a waste to you?" She asked me.

"Yeah, it feels weird it's dark too...I'm still living like it's summer, gosh they were some fun times." I said, and Faith fell silent.

After a few minutes of this awkward silence (Except for forced laughs at very unfunny videos) I got up.

"I'm going onto the internet." I said, and Faith nodded.

As I waited for my computer to start up, I got up and put the heater on. This depressed me a little, these were sure signs that winter was coming, making summer seem more long ago every passing second.

I shook my head as I signed onto AIM, I had moved on from Brendon, and there was no use looking back because I never could go back. Besides, the more time passes the closer the end of high school is.

I pouted just a little as I noticed no one "good" was online. Just a few randoms I could maybe muster up a "Sup?" "Nm you?" "Nm either" conversation with. Minimising my buddy list, I logged onto MySpace.

I skimmed through my friends list, to see who was online. To my surprise, Ryan was.

This was a weird thing for Ryan, because he was always signed onto aim. Even if he wasn't at his computer, he'd always be online and on away. So him being on MySpace and not aim sort of made me think something was suss. However I wasn't an inquisitive type, and I thought nothing of it as I decided to write him a comment

Hey Ryan. I'm bored, nothing better to do on a Saturday night so I'm commenting you. Dun dun dun...so what's up?

As the comment sent through, I clicked "return to profile" and I looked at his profile, due to boredom consuming me. I then noticed the girl from last night had bothered to comment him. It intrigued me, not in a jealous way but in a way that she claimed to hate him last night, but was commenting him tonight. I read on because I thought I'd find entertainment, but instead I found otherwise.

At first she was just complaining about last night's events, and how dare he treat her like that and other whining crap. But then, her comments got a little bit more forgiving. Oh, and personal. Mostly towards me...

Oh okay LOL yeah I was just a bit surprised, because you usually go for girls that are actually pretty...

...what? Yeah, I'm not stuck up or anything, but that's a rude thing to say right? I decided to go to her profile, to see how Ryan would reply to this.

Luckily enough, her profile wasn't private.

My mouth literally fell open once I read his comments, and a lump in my throat emerged. If a girl is attacking your girlfriend, you defend her. You don't agree
Yeah I know. But Modesty...well I decided not to just go for looks. Besides, even non pretty people need boyfriends too right?
How would I react to this? I'm pretty much stalking; I can't just ring him and get really pissed off. But I can't ignore this. That is pretty much insulting me, right?

"Faith." I croakily called out to her.

"What?" She called back.

"Um, I need you in the kitchen for a second." I called to her, and she sighed but I heard her walk out.

"What?" She asked, a bit of annoyance clear in her voice.

"What do you do if your boyfriend insults you to a 16 year old girl who flirts with him heavily on the internet and chucked a tantrum last night?" I asked her.

"You dump his ass back to the stone age. Is this the girl from last night? WHAT'S HE BEEN SAYING?!" Faith demanded, and I bought back up Ryan's MySpace.

"These are the comments from her." I said, and let Faith read them all.

She didn't say anything, but gave out an occasional giggle and a snort.

"Jealous bitch. Now, how has Ryan been replying?" Faith asked, and I clicked back on her profile.

Ryan had sent a few more comments, which had gotten even nastier and nastier. Faith had the same reaction to me, she was shocked.

She didn't say anything as she exited the room. I stood still for a second, wondering what she was doing. She returned seconds later with the home phone in her hand.

"Call him. NOW. Seriously Modesty, that's not respectable behaviour. At worst, he should have told her to shut up. Not agree with her." Faith said, and passed me the phone.

I looked at it and twirled it in my hands for a few seconds. I then sighed, picked it up and copied in Ryan's number from my cell phone.

It didn't ring for long, and he answered.

"Hello?" He asked.

"Uh hey Ryan, it's Modesty." I squeaked, as Faith said quietly to me 'play it cool'

"Oh, hey wasn't expecting you to call. What's up?" He asked.

"Um, I was just wondering are you okay? Because you're on MySpace and not AIM, kind of weird for you." I said, and sent out a forced giggle.

"What are you ta- Oh, yeah. I'm not on AIM because I'm studying, I'm logged in on MySpace but I'm not doing anything." He replied, and I mouthed a 'blocked me' to Faith.

"Okay. I sent you a comment, but you don't have to reply. How much studying do you need to do, because I was thinking we could meet up-" I started, but his reply cut me off.

"Heaps, I'm falling really behind." He replied.

"Oh, um, I really need to talk to you in person though." I said nervously.

"Can it wait until tomorrow?" He asked.

"No, I don't think it can." I replied firmly.

"Well it's going to have to." He said, not standing down.

"It can wait until later; I'm not expecting you to drop everything for me that would be silly. I just really need to talk to you in person. Maybe on a study break?" I asked.

"I don't take study breaks." He said.

"Now I know you're lying. Everyone HAS to take study breaks. The human mind can only take 45 minutes of concentration without starting to drift elsewhere. You should take a break every hour. Knowing you, you would. Your heart isn't in college." I said.

"Gee why are you so immature?" Ryan asked.

"Immature? Because I know how to study correctly? Ryan, I'm the senior. You're the college kid. Why are YOU being immature?" I snarled back.

"Whatever. I don't need to listen to your crap." He said.

"Alrighty. If we can't do this in person, and we're fired up, let's just do this over the phone." I said.

"Do what? Break up with me." He snorted.

"No. If that's why you're avoiding me, it's not that." I said quietly.

"Oh," He said, calming down "Well it's not"

"Why did you say nasty things about me to that girl from last night on MySpace?" I asked.

"I have no idea what you're on about." He said, rather loudly.

"Well, I was looking at your MySpace while I was commenting you and I saw her insulting me. Anyway I went to her MySpace to lurk as you do, when I saw you were insulting me too. What's the go with that?" I asked, and there was silence for about 15 seconds.

"You lurked both our MySpaces?! You fucking psycho." He spat at me.

"Well I wouldn't be questioning anyone else's mental state when you seem to be dating someone who you think is unpretty, unintelligent, annoying and now immature," I shot back, and after his silence added in "What do you even see in me?"

"I wasn't serious, as if I would be." He said, and shot a VERY fake laugh.

"You can't even be honest with me. I would have probably just let it go if you told me you didn't want to deal with her, and you decided that paying me out would be the way to go. But judging from this phone call, I don't even think that was your intention." I said softly.

"Look, I'm sorry for hurting you." Ryan squeaked.

"I don't think we should do this anymore." I sighed sadly.

"Do what?" Ryan said, nerves clear in his voice.

"Us, date. Not just this situation, but if this is how you feel about me, I think it would be better off if we ended it now before more hurt can spread." I said sadly.

"You're upset; you're not thinking straight you're just focusing on how I upset you. I'll call you in a few days, when you've calmed down." Ryan said.

"No, Ryan. Tonight has reflected how you actually feel about me. You could call in a month and I'd still say the same thing. This is only going to end up in bigger tears and heartbreak than it is now. So, we're over." I said, trying to remain calm and not cry.

"Whatever. I'll call you in a few days when you're thinking straight. Bye." Ryan said and hung up the phone.

"You poor thing." Faith said, and tried to comfort me by hugging me.

"I'll be okay, but I uhm, need some alone time," I said, saving the tears threatening to spill "I'll be in my room"
I didn't even wait for Faith's reply as I quickly walked into my room, and dove onto my bed and hugged my pillow, the tears spilling out.

The funny thing is, I wasn't upset Ryan and I were over. I was upset I gave up mine and Brendon's relationship in a way, for Ryan. I think these tears were ones I had been secretly holding onto since mine and Brendon's breakup, and luckily after they're gone, I'll be able to move on from both relationships.