Never Looking Back [Jasper Hale] Ch. 4

I often wondered if Edward, the mind-reader, ever searched my thoughts without me being aware. Every time I thought about that, I shuddered in fear. If he did, well, he didn’t seem to divulge that to anyone else other than Bella, the human, and I was grateful for not leaking further any information. Jasper didn’t show any signs of knowing more than I told him, but then again, I could never be sure. All of the Cullens looked fairly suspicious to me. However, the pixie-like brunette called Alice always paid me venomous glances. Whenever I caught her eye, she would cuss something under her breath and turned away. Still, I didn’t pay her any mind; she looked almost too small to harm anybody.

Some of the remorse she caused me, I couldn’t wash away, though. Every time I caught Jasper and she looking at each other, I felt both a pang of jealousy and a flash of remorse, but both were passing.

One day, Jasper and I were running around through the misty Olympic forest, aimlessly. We had a great time doing it; sometimes he was challenging me to races which I always won. Speed had always been my forte point, even when I was human, a long, long time ago. I always used to win races among the other children who were neighbored to me. I sighed when I thought about that. I had sworn to myself that I’d leave my human life behind, forever.

We made it to a clearing and I slowed down to a walk and then drew to a halt. I leaned against the nearest tree trunk and sank down on the muddy forest floor. Jasper sat down Indian-style in front of me, with a slight smirk on his face.

‘How do you always manage to win?’ he asked in a small voice, mocking sadness.

‘I’m faster.’ I said, accentuating the word smugly.

‘Oh, yes, I forgot.’ He laughed to himself and looked away from me. He looked thoughtful. I searched his mind, but he was thinking about nothing in particular. The thoughts racing around in his head was mostly the same as mine: why was he feeling so close to me, even though he barely knew me.

‘Jasper, can I ask you something?’ I said quietly.

‘Sure.’ He answered.

‘What is Alice to you?’ I wanted to smack myself for asking that, but I couldn’t help my curiosity. He seemed to be thinking for a moment. A doubtful look crossed his face and then he smiled a little.

‘I don’t know… anymore.’ He whispered.

‘What do you mean?’ I knew exactly what he meant, but I just wanted to hear him saying it. He didn’t reply immediately. He took his time to think again and then smiled wider. He looked like he was choosing his words very carefully.

‘Since you came along, I don’t know how I feel for anyone.’ He paused and furrowed his perfectly arched brows. ‘You’ve really changed my way of seeing things, and I don’t even know why!’ he explained. It was exactly the way I felt. He was just voicing everything that I had felt in the past month since I had come to Forks.

‘I know how it feels.’ I confessed in a small voice, avoiding looking at him. It was silly how I could still be embarrassed by some things when I had lived so much and seen so much. I began twisting a straw of grass between my fingers, still not looking at him. If it were possible, I would’ve blushed right now.

I felt his hand caressing my cheek and then moving to my chin, lifting it up, beckoning me to look at him. I stared into his blazing eyes.

‘All I know is,’ he whispered. ‘I’ve never felt anything so strong before.’ His face moved closer to mine, his eyes still holding mine. ‘Have you?’ he asked, but didn’t wait for my answer. His marble lips were on mine. My system refused to react. The only thought screaming in my mind was Yes, I have felt it before. I closed my eyes and felt myself shut down. That’s what I did every time when I was confused or the situation was too much for me to handle. I knew that Jasper felt that. His lips moved away from mine instantly and his face became worried and full of remorse. I knew I had to say something, to tell him that it was alright, and that I was just being silly, but my brain refused to work. I wanted desperately to shake that feeling of impotency off, to regain myself and act normally, but I felt numb.

I clenched my fists as hard as I could, miserable that I couldn’t feel the satisfaction of the pain caused by the nails digging into my flesh. Too bad that my nails couldn’t dig into stone. I knew that the mood couldn’t last for long; it never did.

‘I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.’ I mumbled as I shot up instantly, regaining the control over my system. My first instinct was to launch myself into the forest and don’t look back; to run away like I always did, but I overpowered the instinct and stood my ground. My second instinct was to kiss him, taking over where he had left it. This instinct was far more powerful than the first one; the physical attraction I felt for Jasper was another thing that kept me around him. All I wanted was to run my fingers through his sandy-colored hair and crush my lips into his. Oh well, there go my inexistent vampire hormones.

Still, I gave it a go, hoping with all the stillness of my heart that the numbness wouldn’t occur this time. My mind screamed What’s in the past has to stay in the past. He certainly looked surprised, but pleased. I tried to focus my mind on his thoughts rather than mine, but his mind was blank. As our lips moved rhythmically, I kept waiting for the pain to get me, but nothing really happened.

He broke the kiss quite abruptly and stepped away from me. I exhaled in relief, but suddenly became alert when I noticed the look that Jasper had on his face.

‘What’s wrong?’ I hissed, taking a crouch position instinctively.

‘Alice’s coming.’ He whispered back. Oh, the fool I was. I listened and instantly heard the rush caused by her run. I felt her even breathing. She must’ve been only a mile or so away. If I hadn’t lost myself like I always did around Jasper, I would’ve heard her coming. She must’ve taken a peak in the future and saw Jasper kissing me. I shuddered as I saw her breaking through the tree line and into the clearing. She had a savage look on her face, her teeth were bare. I stood awkwardly by Jasper’s side, waiting for her. She was now walking at a very slow pace, approaching with the same warning look on her face.

‘Jasper, you’ve never gone this far before.’ She hissed under her breath.

‘Alice—he began, but she ignored him. She didn’t even look at him. She was heading straight toward me. I was shocked to see her in that state. From what I had picked up from her thoughts and her behavior toward the rest of the Cullens, she seemed like a nice, cheery person. Even her voice, clear and high like wind chimes, wasn’t fit for the rough tone she was using now.

My next thoughts were directed toward Jasper. She seemed completely oblivious to everything that had been going on in the last few weeks since I had come to Forks. I blamed Jasper for not telling her anything, but then again, this wasn’t exactly the kind of situation you would like to share with someone else, especially your emotional vampire girlfriend. For a second, I was grateful I hadn’t preyed on Emmett; his blonde girlfriend called Rosalie looked a bit psychopathic. I almost laughed at myself for thinking such things in times of distress, but that’s what I always did when I was up against the wall.

She was now steps away from me, and she didn’t look at all friendly. I ground my teeth together with a loud snap and returned her the hateful gaze. She wasn’t actually thinking about fighting with me over this, was she? I mean, the usual scenario was: boys fight over the girl. Certainly not the girls fighting over the boys. Still, I had left the ‘usual’ back hundreds of years before. Still, I wasn’t really in the mood for fighting. But Jasper was worth fighting for. I was shocked at myself for thinking something like that. I didn’t even know where these crazed thoughts were coming from. I’d been surprising myself a lot lately.

She crouched and sprang up so quickly I barely had time to move. Alright, I’m taking saying that she’s harmless. She hit me hard before I could even notice and I fell back to the ground. I growled lowly and braced myself. If it was one thing I got right, it was fighting. She got no second chance to attack me.

Jasper watched concernedly, but didn’t interfere. I didn’t blame him. I bet that he was smirking inside. Who wouldn’t want two drop dead gorgeous vampire girls fighting over him? I was so going to beat him up once I was finished with his girlfriend. I was done pretty quickly. She was catching her breath, somewhere at the other side of the clearing when Jasper called off the fight. Alice didn’t argue. For me, and them, too, I guess, it was rather clear who was going to win. I smirked to myself.

A defeated Alice stomped toward me and looked at me with a harsh expression on her little face.

‘You can see the future. How come you didn’t see that coming?’ I said, amused. She made a face and then looked toward Jasper. Her charade was gone, then. Pure pain washed over her face before she recomposed herself. I felt the pang of remorse again. Jasper had an edgy look on his face; he was both confused and torn between two things that he knew he couldn’t have. Apparently, that did it for Alice. She nodded twice, slowly and then headed off toward the edge of the clearing. She disappeared in seconds. Jasper looked somehow relieved, but still strained. He took a few uncertain steps toward me. I didn’t back off, I just glared at him strangely.

Jasper’s P.O.V.

I was surprised at myself for not feeling anything else than relief as I saw Alice disappear in the trees. Now, that last strain that kept me away from Sonia was gone. Of course, a thousand other problems were starting to pop up, but it actually felt like they were minor. I hoped, I hoped with all of my mind and my soul that Sonia would feel the same and that leaving Alice had been worth it. But a small voice in my head kept repeating, like a chorus, that Sonia was worth any sacrifice and that confused, unsure look on her perfect face was doing nothing but sustaining the sound of that voice inside my head.

I smiled a little, trying to encourage her. She smiled, too, unsure of herself. I loved the way she so unconfident all the time. You would expect a lot of self-confidence from a person like her.

‘Aren’t you mad at me?’ she asked in pure disbelief.

‘No, I’m not mad at you. Why should I be?’ I said, reassuring. I didn’t want her to get any ideas.

‘I don’t know. I just assumed— she stumbled, at loss for words, gesturing toward the place where Alice had disappeared.

‘Oh, I made my choice before she came here.’ I muttered. I wasn’t sure I was completely honest, but I knew that those words touched her. She smiled even more, taking a few steps in my direction. In one stride, I completed the rest of the distance and she leaned her head on my chest. I circled her slender figure with one arm and with the other I caressed her soft hair, glowing in the pale light. She put both of her arms around my waist. I felt so happy with no reason at all. Her marble body curled up into my chest made me blaze with a surreal happiness.

Sonia’s P.O.V.

I looked up at Jasper. As I lost myself in his liquid gold eyes, a warm feeling flooded me. It was incredible. His lips brushed mine for a short moment. I smiled.

‘How are you going to manage it, Jasper?’ I whispered. ‘After all, you are family to her. And you do live in the same house with her.’

‘Don’t worry about me. I’ll make it.’ He said, smiling.

‘Yes, I know. If it’s meant to be, it’s meant to be.’ I agreed.

So breathe in so deep,

Breathe me in

I’m yours to keep

And hold on to your words

‘Cause talk is cheap

And remember me tonight.