Never Looking Back [Jasper Hale] Ch. 5

Hannah kept nudging me for the next week, knowing that something was up with me. I’d grown to detest the time I spent at home, just because of her constant pester. Then again, I wasn’t spending so much at time at home these days, nor at school. Ian and Anna pretended not to notice anything; they hadn’t ever been too insight in the matters concerning me. They knew how not to interfere and I was deeply grateful for that.

Jasper was gentleman enough not to mention anything about his domestic troubles. He didn’t spill a word and I didn’t ask him about it, either. It was bad enough having to see him separated from his own kin just because of me. If it weren’t for my selfishness and for my addiction to him, I would’ve ended the whole thing right away. It wasn’t fair for him to have to go through this, but every time I tried bringing it up, he would cut me shortly and assure me that there were no hardships for him. I would just shrug and be satisfied with his answer, but only momentarily. Then I would spot him gazing toward their table at lunch and I would feel miserable once again. Being immune to his power, I would keep feeling miserable no matter how hard he tried to make me feel better.

One day, I decided I couldn’t take it anymore. I had to talk to one of his siblings; to somehow fix everything up. I knew it was a long shot, but I decided to give it a go. I had nothing to lose, anyway. I thought for a while about who I should talk to, balancing my options. First, there was Emmett. He didn’t look mature or serious in any way; he was always cheery and high-spirited. I knew he would just laugh at me and ask me to race him or something like that, so he was off the list. Alice was out of question and so was Rosalie. The blonde thought and acted like a shallow pool of ignorance. I scratched her off, too. The only one still standing was Edward, who seemed the only reasonable and balanced person in the Cullen family, except maybe for their ‘parents’.

I was very keen on the idea of talking to him. After thinking it over time and time again, I decided that I simply had to do it. I couldn’t let the bond between Jasper and his family fade away, just because of me. I knew I wasn’t worth it. So, I decided to act. I didn’t tell Jasper anything; I knew he would object and ban Edward from talking to me. Jasper was just too good, too noble. I didn’t deserve him. So, during a class I shared with Edward, I threw a little piece of paper at him, telling him that I wanted to talk to him during the break between classes. He caught it reflexively and after he read it, he nodded without looking at me.

He followed me to my locker after the class was out, without a word. This guy crept me out, really. First, the whole Bella thing and then his constant speechlessness. I was really starting to change my mind about him being the sanest of the Cullens.

After I dumped my books in my locker, I turned around to face him. His face was smooth and emotionless. He has issues, I thought amusedly.

‘Well, talk.’ He beckoned after I was silent for a moment.

‘Um, so, I kind of wondered about Jasper’s behavior toward you. I mean, toward your family.’ I said, slowly. He was silent for a long moment. At first, I thought he wasn’t going to answer.

‘Cold. Most of the times he doesn’t even talk to any of us, save for Emmett. They’ve always got along well.’ He explained. I felt a sharp sting of guilt as I listened to him. He seemed pained, disturbed when talking about his brother, but the spark in his eye suggested his anger toward me, sustained by the accusation in his voice.

‘Exactly as I feared.’ I muttered, mostly to myself. ‘Tell me, Edward, is Alice… I don’t know, hostile toward him?’ I continued.

‘No, she’s managed it pretty well.’ He stated and I knew it was true because he could read her mind. ‘It’s him who’s treating her and the rest of us really bad.’

‘But why?’ I wondered indignantly. If Alice was fine with it, then why would he give them all hell for it? It was beyond my comprehension.

‘You tell me.’ He murmured with a hint of anger in his voice.

‘I honestly have no idea.’ I whispered, too disturbed about his words to care whether he blamed me or not for the whole situation. I looked up at him, trying to read his expression. He was looking away, still emotionless. Dude, he sure would be good in playing poker, I thought again. His irresponsiveness was driving me nuts. He looked like a living dead or something. The only time when his face lit up was when he was around Bella. I wondered what made him so close to the human. I hadn’t ever experienced anything like it, so I wasn’t really the one to talk about it. I shrugged confusedly and whispered a quick ‘thank you’ before heading off.

I thought about Edward’s words during the classes remaining until lunch break. I sat down near Hannah for the first time since our arrival in Forks. Most of the times I shared a table with Jasper, but today I had a little plan. I crossed my fingers hoping it would work. Jasper entered the cafeteria and looked around, searching for me. His brows furrowed in confusion when he noticed me sitting next to Hannah. He took a few uncertain steps in my direction. When he reached our table, I smiled warmly at him.

‘Jasper, would you mind sitting with your family?’ I gestured toward the Cullens’ table. He frowned even more.

‘But— he began. I cut him off shortly.

‘Please, Jasper.’ I smiled coldly. When I saw that Hannah wasn’t watching, I mouthed, ‘It’s better that way. I’ll explain later.’ He nodded, but an uncomfortable look washed over his face. He moved slowly toward the table. I watched him and caught Edward smiling at me as Jasper sat down at table. He mouthed, ‘Thank you.’ I nodded shortly and turned my gaze toward a very confused Hannah.

‘What was all that about, Sonia?’ she asked. I knew she knew I was somehow involved with Jasper, more than I should’ve been. She didn’t like the Cullens and she didn’t like the idea of me fraternizing with them. I never got bored of listening to her restless thoughts. She made up scenarios in her head that’d never even cross my mind. Mind you, she has a very prolific imagination. I sighed exhaustedly.

‘None of your business.’ I hissed.

‘I just wish that you would stop being so secretive.’ She snapped, a lot louder than she should. A few kids from the surrounding tables turned around and glared at us. Like it wasn’t enough that the whole goddam high school was roaming with rumors about us and especially me and Jasper. If they’d just know …

I still had one period left after the lunch break. If I hadn’t lived for so long, I’d probably get bored out of my skull listening to things I already knew by heart. I drummed my fingertips against my desk, waiting for the class to end. The tick-tock of the clock was maddening. When the bell finally rang, I stashed my books in my backpack and headed out.

I made it to the car in no time at all, but Hannah wasn’t there. I sighed annoyed and leaned against the car’s door. The minutes passed and I was getting more and more impatient. After a quarter of hour, I slipped inside the red Mini and drove off. It wouldn’t be so hard for her to give herself a ride home. After all, she could run for hundreds of miles without breaking a sweat.

Anna looked concerned when she saw me coming home by myself.

‘Honestly, Anna, what could possibly hurt a vampire in a human high school?’ I asked exhaustedly. ‘She could get a pen stuck through her heart?’ I never liked Anna, really.

She shrugged and let me in. I idled around my room, shuffling through the songs in my iPod. Being a vampire certainly influenced my taste in music. I mean, I’ve probably heard all the genres of music ever created by human kind, so it wasn’t hard for me compare them subjectively.

I didn’t get really worried until I gazed toward the clock and realized that it was about seven o’clock. Jeeze, that meant four hours since school was out! I rushed downstairs, already blaming myself for not waiting or searching for her earlier that afternoon. Anna understood immediately and let me go without questioning. I ran all the way through the forest surrounding Forks until I knew I was in the high school’s area. I slowed to a normal run once I got out of the protective shade of the trees. I followed the track left by Hannah’s smell from the high school parking all the way through the woods. The scent became stronger and fresher once I headed west. Finally, I made it to a clearing. I found her laying on her back on the dewy grass.

‘Sonia, what the hell are you doing here?’ she growled as she heard me approach. She shot up and turned around to face me.

‘Uh-huh. Guess what. I was looking for you.’ I hissed.

‘Oh, really?’ she asked, annoyed. I swear our relationship had started getting worse every single day since we came to Forks. ‘You just assumed that boogie-man got me, right?’

‘Oh, dear, no.’ I said, just as sarcastic as her. ‘You’d scare even boogie-man.’ I spat back.

‘Lovely.’ She pulled up a fake grin. ‘Now why don’t you go play with your new friends?’ she scowled.

‘Oh, so that’s the problem, isn’t it?’ I hissed.

‘Why did you just assume there was a problem in the first place?’

‘Oh, I have no idea why. Silly of me, right?’ I giggled once, without amusement. ‘You must’ve been scowling at me for no reason, right?’

‘Why don’t you just go away? Like, now?’ she beckoned.

‘Do you mind telling me what you were doing after school while I was waiting for you?’

‘Talking to your vampire.’ She stated, folding her arms defensively.

‘What?’ I said, really confused this time.

‘Oh, he wanted to know why you shooed him away at lunch.’ She muttered. Okay, now I was annoyed. I did not like people talking about me behind my back.

‘And what did you tell him?’ I growled.

‘I told him that I never understood your way of thinking.’

‘Very funny.’ I muttered.

‘Now, that you know everything, do you mind taking off and leaving me alone?’

‘My pleasure.’ I spat and turned around and started off to a full run. That’s what you get for trying to help someone, I thought angrily.

I decided I should run some more rather than go back to the house and listen to music. Running always helped me to clear my mind. I loved feeling the rush of wind sweeping my face and messing with my hair. For me, it was the closest translation of freedom.

These mistakes you’ve made,

You’ll just make them again

If you only try turning around.