Sweet Sorrow Chapter 18

Samantha was, obviously, the one who received the phone call. She, her roommate Holly and their friend Elliot had just come back from dinner. They had all headed back to Samantha and Holly’s room, to study for a Russian History exam the next afternoon. The two girls were rather lucky for freshman, in that they had garnered a double with a private bathroom suite. Samantha wandered on her clicking cowboy boot heels (she’d borrowed the style from Jason) into the bathroom to wash her face. She had been back at Dartmouth for a month and a half. Everything there was much the same as it had back in winter, except for her. Never before had she fallen asleep with her cell phone tucked under her chin, or checked for texts and e-mails during class. She never let herself cry again, the way she had the entire plane ride home. Holly was still there, studious and sarcastic, and all of the classes she loved, and the dance team and everything. But now, somewhere in Texas or L.A. or wherever life was taking him at the moment, Jason was there too. And now, there was something else to shift her orbit, the very way she oriented herself towards life. Oh, Jason. She really did miss him. Samantha shook herself in front of the mirror and dried her hands on the little towel Holly insisted on keeping there. Stop it, she demanded of herself. Go study with Holly and Elliot and stop being so completely moronic. Go! Samantha did as she was told and quickly ducked out of the bathroom and back into her dorm room.

“Elliot!” She complained immediately, upon spotting the boy sprawled out carelessly on her bed. Holly was sitting on her own bed with her notes already open on her lap. Holly could let go and have fun at the right times, but she was the best and most focused person to study with.

“What?” He replied sheepishly. He ran a large hand through his floppy brown hair and smiled winningly. Most people at Dartmouth thought Elliot was incredibly adorable, and they were all blatantly jealous of Holly and Samantha for getting to hang out with him so much. He was pretty damn cute, 6’2” and very Abercrombie in his uniform of dark wash jeans and graphic t-shirts. His whole look was very Dartmouth, East Coast prep, wearing a peacoat and scarf in winter and keeping his hair shaggy but not too long. Samantha had met him first on her intramural soccer team at Dartmouth, and she was immediately pulled towards people who were good at her favorite sport. Plus, she couldn’t help but like the fact that he treated her like a friend, not simply a hot chick he wanted to have sex with. She had introduced him to Holly after a game one day, and he’d had a crush on her roommate ever since. Holly was one of those people that people liked to carry around when they were in middle school, the kind of girl who people wanted to be friends with without her really having to try. Samantha had loved her right away. She was about 5’1” with gorgeous dark red curls, very petite and stylish with sexy black eyes. People immediately thought her as one of those cute little women, but she was one of the smartest, most dedicated people Samantha had ever met. She wanted to be a neurologist. “Holly’s bed was taken,” Elliot informed her with a grin.

“Well, I want to lay down, so it’s the floor or Holly’s bed,” Samantha informed him. “Take your pick.”

“Not much of a choice there,” Elliot replied happily. He hopped across the room and jumped onto Holly’s bed, quickly dropping his head into her lap on top of her notebook.

“Elliot, Samantha and I said you could come here and study if and only if you were going to be serious. If you’re going to pull this hyper child shit, you can go bounce off the walls in your own room.” Holly yanked her notebook out from under his hair and smacked it down forcefully on his face. Samantha laughed and jumped onto her own bed. She reclined back in her favorite black yoga pants and a deep maroon tank top to watch them flirt the way they always did.

“But Holly, my dear,” Elliot said, muffled through the notebook, “the only reason I’m like this is because I’m trying to impress you.”

“Another argument for you to go back to your room,” Holly snapped. “And you think that I’m impressed by monkeys?” She had been stubbornly resisting Elliot’s flirtation since she met him, and turning a deaf ear to Samantha’s encouragement. She thought he was nothing but a player, but Sam could tell that couldn’t help but adore him. Samantha heard her ring tone go off from the depths of her bag. Fort Minor’s Remember the Name sounded through the air, and she crawled off her bed to go get it.

“You two are so cah-ute,” she teased, knowing it would infuriate Holly. Jason usually didn’t call until after 10:00, but she still hoped it was him. More likely, it was Zack calling to see if she could come to his photo showing or one of the dance team girls wanting to know if a Saturday afternoon practice would work for her. She was pleasantly surprised to see Isabelle’s name and picture, in a black bikini and grudging smile, come up on the screen of her iPhone.

“Hey, Is!” Samantha greeted happily. Holly glanced up and smiled, and Samantha decided to give those two a moment alone. She trotted over to the bathroom and closed the door with a sly grin at her roommate. “Que paso?”

“Hey, Sam.” Isabelle sounded subdued and tired. Samantha realized with a little jolt that she hadn’t talked to her friend since her first week back at school. “I’m alright.” Sam could tell she was lying.

“Did you see those pictures Zack sent around? Asshole. If he thinks he can put a picture of me and Jason half naked where Harvard people can see it, he’s in for a nasty surprise. I mean, really.” Isabelle smiled on the other end of the conversation. Her friend had reacted just the way Isabelle knew she would.

“It’s a cool picture, though,” she informed Samantha, leaning back against her pillow. “And that one of you and Nat with Joe and Jason is, like, epic.”

“Oh, yeah, I like that one!” Samantha agreed. “Is, not to be rude, but you sound kind of weird. Are you okay? I haven’t heard from you in ages, what have you been up to?” Isabelle bit her lip and debated how to answer the question.

“Did you see that picture of you and me, when I got to the airport? Where we’re both yelling? I think it was the third one.” Samantha had, of course, seen it and she loved it. Isabelle looked so wildly animated and joyous, and Sam liked to think that she could be somewhat involved in her friend’s happiness.

“Yeah, I saw it. You look really adorable. That’s one of my favorites, I think I might actually give Zack my permission to use that one.”

“I like it too,” Isabel said hesitantly. “It helped me make a sort of important decision.” Samantha frowned and leaned against the bathroom door.

“What do you mean?”

“Samantha, I have to tell you something. It’s really important, and I haven’t told anyone yet. I need your help.”

“Isabelle, are you okay? Is something wrong? Just spit it out, you’re killing me over here.” Samantha was getting genuinely worried. It wasn’t like Isabelle to be so dramatic.

“I’m not okay. Not one bit,” Isabelle answered honestly. “I’m pregnant.” Samantha dropped her phone. It slid down the door and hit the floor with an angry smack.

“Samantha?” Holly’s voice came through the door. “Are you okay? What was that noise?” Sam stood without moving for several long minutes, trying to make herself breath. She heard Isabelle, tiny and far away, call to her through the phone. It was the only thing that could actually make her lean down and pick it up.

“I’m fine!” She called through the door as she gathered the phone, and herself, and put it under her chin. “Isabelle? I’m sorry, I dropped my phone.”

“Yeah,” Isabelle sighed. “I was expecting something like that.” Sam crossed the small bathroom and sat on the edge, blinking rapidly.

“I heard you right? You’re sure that you’re…” She had never really been able to say the word. It made her tongue feel thick and silly.

“Pregnant,” Isabelle replied harshly. “Yes, I’m sure.” Samantha’s shock was pissing her off a bit, even though she knew it was a completely logical reaction. “I’m missing what you’re supposed to be missing, I took a test. Blah blah blah.” She closed her eyes as tightly as she could.

“Whose is it?” Samantha couldn’t tell if it was more offensive to ask or not to ask. Isabelle almost never had sex, or at least not that she admitted to, which was part of why finding her with Nick had been so shocking and somewhat hilarious. But with Isabelle’s weird, cold, distant voice, it seemed like more was possible than she might have expected.

“God, Sam, who do you think? Theirs is only one possibility on this whole stupid earth. One fucking boy.”

“Oh boy,” Samantha breathed quietly. “Okay, so I should come see you, right? Did you tell Natalie? Or Zack? Or Nick?”

“No to everything. I’m sure you don’t have time to come down here. And you’re the first person I told. I have to work up some courage to tell Nat and Zack and my roommates, and I wasn’t really planning on telling Nick.”

“You should tell him, Is. I’m sure he would want to know. And I have nothing but time, after my Russian History test tomorrow. I’ll take a train. You don’t have to tell anyone you don’t want to, but I think it would probably be a good idea to tell him.” Isabelle swallowed. She could feel tears in the corners of her eyes. As much as she didn’t want to be a pain and drag Samantha into her issues, it would feel incomparably good to have her best friend there. It was starting to feel like more than she could handle.

“Okay, okay, Sam, can you just come and see me? Please, as soon as you can. I need you.” Samantha could have cried herself, for the obvious pain in her friend’s voice.

“Of course, Is, of course. My class gets out at 2:00, and there’s a train at 3:00. Holly has Chemistry, but I’m sure I can get Elliot or Dana to drive me to the station. Just hold on, Isabelle, everything will be absolutely, completely fine. Do you want me to tell Natalie?”

“No, no,” Isabelle said quickly, “that big Oscar de la Renta show is this weekend, I’m sure she has a lot of work to do. And I don’t want to make her worry about all this right now, she’s busy.” In truth, the fewer people who knew, the easier it would be for Isabelle to deal with. Plus, she knew for a fact that Natalie still talked to Joe on a regular basis. She didn’t want anything slipping through before she was damn well ready.

“Okay,” Samantha replied respectfully. She didn’t know if she’d be able to handle this deal all by herself, and it might have been helpful to have Natalie at her side, but she really had to respect Isabelle’s wishes in this case. “Alright, so we’ll talk about everything when I get there. The train gets in at, like, five thirty or so, right? I can just take a cab or something.”

“The station’s not that far from campus,” Isabelle assured her. “I’ll get Delia to borrow Andrew’s car and go pick you up.” Having to focus on detail-oriented things like this was making everything at least momentarily easier.

“Whatever’s easiest. I’ll call you when I get on the train. Okay, Is? You’re going to be okay until I get there, right?” Isabelle forced a laugh through her impending tears.

“Of course! I’ll be fine, Sam, don’t worry. Go study. Russian History sounds like an absolute bitch. I have an Arabic exam tomorrow and I know that’s a bitch, so I should probably get going too. Call me?” She was surprised at herself, at just how good of an actress she could be. Or thought she could be. Maybe Samantha saw right through it. Damn, Isabelle hoped she did.

“Yes, yes, yes. I’ll see you soon, I love you.”

“Love you too,” Isabelle choked back. She hung up quickly, before Samantha could hear her tears and hijack a car to get there immediately.

Samantha heard the line go dead, and she slowly lowered the phone down and wandered out of the bathroom. It was a bit of a shock to see Holly and Elliot, laying head to feet on the bed. She’d forgotten they were there.

“How’s Isabelle?” Asked Holly, without looking up. It appeared that she had actually gotten Elliot to calm down, and they were reviewing dates for the Russian Revolution. Samantha swallowed uncertainly. She was feeling weak, as she never had before. This was especially depressing, considering that she should really be strong for her friend. It felt really impossible for her to keep this entirely inside of herself.

“Um, she’s okay,” Samantha answered slowly. Elliot rolled over to face her, looking happy and carefree. The same way Samantha had felt only ten minutes ago