I was a simple-minded fool, stuck on a fixed track to destruction.Her soft features drifted through my thoughts like a siren's song on the wind and it tore at my heart.It wasn't against any law that I was aware of, but perhaps to the morals of society it could prove troubling.Where was it stated that I could not possess devotion to her?Could it be that they didn't understand that I loved her?If she was truly meant to belong then why not belong to me?
In any weather, in any season, she was the world and my vitality.However, winter was where her beauty would illuminate the long, sunless hours.She would take her daily walks in the morning, the only light that could possibly compete with her own.The dawn would creep over the tops of our nestled town, blinding the sleepy eyes of the early riser as it was reflected ever so brilliantly on the snow powdered ground.The wind from the brisk night would just be dying down when the small puffs of her sweet breath would rise over the horizon.How she thought herself safe.It made me laugh at the very idea.Who could deny their yearning for her young lithe limbs and delectably downy tresses?Yet, not one boy took her in his arms.Not a one.
She was completely oblivious to my many advances, to my subtle starry-eyed stares in her direction.I wasn't but seven years older than her and it was just that fact that kept me from my one true fixation.Should I divulge the number of offers for marriage I had accumulated over the years?Would this make me anymore desirable?Would it make my obsession any more justified?To answer, I would hope so, but it never happened.She was immune to my status and power and I was afraid of losing her to someone that was more worthwhile than I.Who could be more worthwhile, I ask you?!This fear, this gnawing drive for a faster resolution, drove me to my wrathful nature.I wanted nothing more and I was consumed with steering any encroachment of the opposite sex away from her.She would see that I was the only choice.The best.
I don't know when it first happened.One morning, I was sure, but what month?What day?The vibrant array of colors that played over the white of the world had hypnotized me or divine authority was testing my will to stay among the sinless or hide my faults under the veil of infallibility.I had been working, no doubt on something extraordinary, but sleep hadn't visited me that night.I had all the signs of tiredness, yet when settled under the covers I just couldn't find slumber.Several attempts to place my mind somewhere pleasant hadn't worked, only to realize that I hadn't much to be pleased with, and so I began working once again.What was it again that I had been working on?
The sun was peering through the curtain before I could separate the ramblings of utter nonsense and the actual work I did happen to complete.As I had stated earlier, the sun was greatly magnified by the fresh snow on the ground.I was excited by the new day, but most of the details are hazy after that fateful moment.I grabbed my housecoat to venture on the porch and look over the vastly changed world when the sun caught something shimmering amongst the background of leaves.Up from the valley that was most of the village, a young girl glided through the snow dressed in a long, wool coat trailing to her knees.She had a complexion of a clean, cream white under her long locks of hair the color of the richest soils or that of oak bark.Oh, it may not seem like much, but the way the sun caught the honey tints in each and every strand of that gorgeous hair was more to brighten my entire outlook on life.A small golden chain was tied around her neck; hanging from the end, a small ornamental heart swung with the gentle grace of her every step.Her energetic eyes landed on me, dressed in my housecoat, and she giggled charmingly like the newly bloomed girl she was.
I had to admit that I was embarrassed that she had seen the less attractive version of me.The disheveled black hair and brooding eyed double I had become from the absence of a proper sleeping pattern.She passed before I could comprehend what had just occurred.I nearly fell over my feet trying to get to the edge of my fence to see her hair dancing in a back and forth rhythm.The rhythm matched the beating of my lustful heart and try as I might to shush the terrible frenzy it raced at, the blood rushed through my veins filled with a new purpose, engulfing me whole.
She was just barely in her sixteenth year and I was just shy of my mid-twenties.It wasn't that far apart and we could make it work.Her face was behind my eyelids every time I lay to rest and she was the first thought I could make out when pulling myself out of my grogginess.Was it not natural that I had to see her again?Why did I have to suffer if it was nothing but a flit of ache from deep within my chest?I had to find a reason for this.I had to see her again.I would wait beside the window in the morning and watch as she passed by.I would memorize her path and I would never miss her.I would unearth the emotion that had ensnared me!
Everyday she would follow her same, safe route around the town.Sometimes walking with her friends and sometimes solitary.I waited as usual at my doorstep only to be disappointed when the effervescent Elizabeth arrived along side a gaggle of sharp faced girls.They all came bounding down the road, their tight-knit group gliding along the snow with Elizabeth trailing not far behind, smiling to herself.Could you imagine the growing impatience in my body as I had to keep my desires a secret?The building pressure of yearning was denied and all I could do was stare in their direction.She had grown used to my stationary stares at her when she would climb from the village and into my sights.As I wanted to figure out her mind, all I could do was watch them from afar.The girls discovered my glazed gaze and whispered obscene comments concerning my lack of commitment to the needs of the village.They couldn't believe that I was the son of their much beloved and long deceased leader of the town.
Frankly, I couldn't imagine how to live up to the expectations of my father when he was still living.I did my best to run the town from my home, venturing every now and then to the village for my groceries and supplies.It happened to be a very secluded job without much human contact.On the other hand, it certified me as a prime bachelor among the women that had entertained the idea of changing me for the better.Whatever 'the better' meant, I hadn't a clue.My life, in retrospect, had not seemed all that pathetic until that seducing siren had passed me.My body reacted like an animal in heat, which seemed only temporary, but I had not yet been relieved from that itch.
However they viewed me, the girls leaned back into their group, ignoring my presence as Elizabeth would have if she were walking alone.Then, the single most miraculous event in my life to that point occurred.Elizabeth, upon overhearing these crude remarks, looked up to me and smiled.I saw those delectable lips stretch across her tiny teeth.Her lustrous eyes looked apologetically at me.How I could stare into those eyes for hours!Oh, how those eyes, that face, that fragile smile left me in such rapture that I remained on my porch lost in the lascivious scenarios my mind produced.The sun was soaring to the middle of the sky before the brisk wind threw me from my thoughts.I reached a decision.I would speak with her so that my fantasies would be realized.
As she approached my house on the hill weeks later, I was prepared to speak with her.If she was with the girls, I would wave as I was nothing than a bystander.If she was alone, I would make my move.She strolled along the road, preoccupied with the pastoral grandeur of the woods that isolated the village as I listened for the insufferable sniggers of the village girls. I was pleased to realize that she was alone and on this occasion I pulled my courage together to speak to her.
"Excuse me, Mademoiselle?"I said with perfect articulation.This time completely spruced and polished.My previously disheveled hair now lay in perfect black waves down my back.
She stopped with a shocked look on her face.Her lips were brought together into a small 'o' shape and her eyes widened before a smile spread across."Yes, Monsieur, what is it?"
"Where are your friends today?"I didn't realize that this would give away that I was watching her.She stepped back a little and I quickly thought of something more to say."I just had noticed you before and they are usually accompanying you.I just assumed they were your friends."
Truthfully I had tailed them too, just to understand what they lacked compared to her, my Elizabeth.I observed that she was the less desirable of them all among the boys in the village.She was the untainted one.She was the one that would always be untouched by the grotesque hands of any of the filthy boys that would wander the streets with each of her friends.
"Oh, they aren't really my friends.Or not much of friends," she said sourly and her nose wrinkled at the biting wind.
"Why, then, do you walk with them?"
Anything she could give me, anything in her mind would prove helpful.I could get on her good side and it would be simple to get what I wanted then.Her friends, though, couldn't have possibly interested me.They were a loud, obnoxious bunch of girls with no direction or control.They would soon be out of the picture, bearing the children of young men who would never remain true.Not as I would.
"They usually ask to follow and then abandon me somewhere near the stream.They aren't my kind of friends anyway.They are all too worried about the future, usually husbands." She turned her head and addressed the small breeze at her side rather than me."I couldn't possibly be thinking of that now."
Resisting change was she?Oh, how this made my senses tingle at her innocence.Truly she was meant for someone with class and experience.A man who could teach what was beyond her years.
"That must be hard on such a young girl to compete with the other girls," I responded calmly regardless of my internal excitement."Are you sure it doesn't interest you in the least?"
"There is no one I've been keen for in a long time."Her eyes darted to the ground, a rosy tint spread across the apple of her cheeks and she smiled despite her embarrassment."Forgive me, Monsieur, I've spoken too much."
My instinct was to set my hand upon her shoulder, to brush my fingers through that lovely mane and caress her cheek.She wasn't mine and at that thought I let my hand fall, thudding softly on my thigh.
"Don't be silly!"I consoled her."You are simply asserting your well formed opinions."
I don't know exactly what made her jump, but a sign of worry flashed across her eyes as the wind picked up even more.Her hand was drawn to her neck, fiddling with the golden heart hanging precariously close to her blossoming bosom.
"I must excuse myself from our conversation, Monsieur.Mother doesn't like me leaving the majority of the chores to her alone.I must return home."She was retreating ever so slightly, groping behind her as if she were looking for a railing to hold on to.
"Of course, Mademoiselle, I've kept you."
My heart sank at her sudden and rather hasty decision to vacate my tender eyes, but I couldn't hold her hostage.There was nothing binding her to me and that knowledge drove me insane.What could keep her from the fumbling hands of a younger male?Surely, I couldn't prevent her from forming interest in them nor could I dispose of the problems.What to do?What to do?I needed a plan.
I let her go, reluctantly, her hair swinging in its normal rhythm.
From that first encounter it was inevitable that I would have to see her again.The seasons changed and the days became warmer, but she still showed up in her simplistic beauty.Always on time and I would always be waiting for her.Had she ever believed me to be more than a kind, friendly face to speak with every now and then?I would say not.I had her slowly being drawn into my web.I would secure her there, preying upon her peculiar splendor.Oh, my glistening girl of a boys greatest fantasy, surrender yourself to my venom!
But it would never be so.
The time and date for which I write this is of no consequence.The only possession I had wanted more than the admiration of the fellow villagers was slowly slipping through my grasp and I saw it in her eyes.As the days grew longer, summer's heat flew in on the bat wings of hell and the pestilence of my own yearnings served as punishment for my sinful mind.Though, the only justice I sought was that of her new interest.Her new interest!I mock the very words as they cross my lips.Where had the shy maiden, soft of heart and clean of mind, go?I could see it in her eyes in the morning as we would exchange our pleasantries as always.Her eyes sparkled with a novel emotion and her lashes lowered as if she were modest about our little chats.Blinded that she could have been falling for me, I was distraught to find a lad younger than me.A boy of unsoiled face and reasonable assets was the object of her affection and her his.
Where was my reimbursement for the days of kindness?Was I to follow her forever captivated by her light?
Yes, Elizabeth had tried her best to keep that vagrant excuse for a human a secret from me, but I could see that dumbfounded grin upon her face.The fawn like innocence still remained, but a new fascination was playing through her mind.I knew she thought of him as I thought of her.She would be smart, though, to remember who she had dazzled.She was to blame for the actions I took.She was to blame for what I became!
The day of this repayment was set in December of that year.Elizabeth had visited me regularly throughout the year, making a chum of me.Delighting me so, yet I could see that dastardly boy thinking of her in some unsavory fashion.The early days of December were bitter, but the earth still remained green just the same.I had just walked out the door into the arctic morning, still verdant but the heavy and ominous clouds above would soon fix that.I breathed a solemn breath and moved to return to my empty cavern of a home when something flashed in the corner of my eye.I gazed down at the mat on my front step to see a small envelope, brilliant calligraphy shone on the front.It bore one name.Elizabeth.
I nearly fell to the floor in a frenzy to reach the small parcel that shared the same as my longtime love.Had she seen the errors of her way?Had she, somehow, found the same emotion for me as I had bequeathed upon her?The contents of the letter sent me in a daze of wonder.How would I approach life after I had her in my house, in my arms?
I simply ran to the kitchen.In the small drawer I produced a knife and slit the end of the envelope, blowing into it as a small white rectangle fluttered out and I caught it, mid-air, without a second thought.I stood and folded back the parchment.I couldn't help but feel the jealousy stream along my veins.The loathing and blackened hate washed over me.
Dear Viktor,
You have been a friend that I have come to trust throughout this year and would be honored to have you attend my wedding next Saturday at the church.You know the one.If you said no, I wouldn't know what to do.I'm scared to say that I love Anthony very much, but to go into this eternal commitment has brought me much apprehension.I know that I will be happy, but without you I would be miserable.Please say that you will be there when I walk down the aisle.Anthony and the rest of the village want you there as you hold a high rank here, but I need you, as a friend.My only friend.
Love, your eternal friend,
Elizabeth
What words my angel had bestowed on me, but what foulness she had placed in my heart.Anthony!I could scream the name until my throat ran as dry as the sands of the Sahara.Oh, to kill him would be righteous as the fair, untamed Elizabeth would run to my room in her sorrow.She would see the mistake.I would comb my fingers through her hair and she would whisper her apologies in my ear.I would hold her close until she'd lay down on my bed, ready to receive me.My face so close to hers, her small features against my chest.She would see the mistake.
I went to my room, dressing impeccably for my visit with Anthony.I could have singed I was so exhilarated to finally have all my work paid for.Finally it was to end, so that my life could begin.
I grabbed the knife and letter from the dinning room table, stuffing both into my jacket pocket before sauntering out the door, awakened with my bloodlust.I walked through the blustering winds and down the trail that led down to the church as if I was on my way to Sunday mass.Today God had nothing on my true crusade.I was possessed with his soon to be extinction.I was prepared to win the war of Elizabeth's heart when, as by magic, the wind shifted sending the clouds swirling and a soft hum filled my senses.What a lovely tune it was that I was rapt by its strange pleasure that filled me.
"Elizabeth?" I breathed softly, closing my eyes to the biting wind.
Indeed, my Elizabeth had been the one producing the miraculous song.The girlish and wholesome sound reverberated in my ears as I edged closer to her form, walking calmly among the trees.What ungodly power had created this nymph running among the dying grass as if to bring it back to life?Had I not suffered enough?She was there, unprotected and ripe for picking.I walked as soft-footed as wolf, stalking my goal, my prey, yet again.If only it had not been for the branch on the floor that gave away my position.
She spun around quickly, lashes fluttering in bewilderment before she registered the familiar face staring back at her.
"Oh, Viktor, you gave me a fright!"She placed her hand on her chest, patting it slightly.
"Yes, it would seem so," I said slyly as her fright aroused an animal within, clawing at my internal walls to be let out.It wanted to be satisfied.
"I hope you got my letter! I knew you slept later on Saturdays, but I should have risked waking you.Tell me that you received my letter!"
"Don't worry, my pet, I have your letter right here."I reached into the pocket of my jacket, producing the crumbled white note that I had read that very morning.She smiled at me, her pearl-like teeth shone under her rose-pink lips and my mind jolted under the unabashed lust I was experiencing.
"I was in such a lovely dreamlike state," she began and looked to the sky."I was on my way home when I looked to the woods and saw some greenery.I haven't the slightest what made me think I could find flowers at such a time, but I'm a bride-to-be and it serves me right to choose winter for my wedding."She looked back to me for a response, but I gave none.I squarely stared at her, neither registering nor caring what she had said.Her body, her lovely face, it was all I wanted.
"Are you okay, Viktor?" She asked, the smile straightening itself as she made note of the demented look upon my face.I smirked in defiance of her innocence.She couldn't persuade me away from what I had decided.It seems she would never willingly be mine.What could I do, except take her myself?
"Do you take me for a fool?" I began, chuckling a bit at her sudden jump to my tone."Do you believe you can escape with nothing more than a childish look and kind words?What was the letter for, Elizabeth?Was it legitimate or were letting the guilt of tormenting me go?"I started my leisurely walk up to her, not breaking my eye contact with her for a moment.
"I meant what I said!"She was backing hastily away from me, but I was herding her down into the woods, where the village wouldn't hear.I fingered the knife in my pocket as the blade screamed for the blood I had promised it.All I could do was to obey its command.
"You're scaring me, Viktor," she almost pleaded.
She made a last ditch effort to dart to the left, but I intercepted, my weight knocking her to the ground.I pinned her to the fallen leaves as the ebony clouds above opened for the falling snow.She pounded her fists onto my chest and her eyes opened in panic as she screamed shrilly.It echoed through the trees and I muffled it with my lips as my hands roamed her every curve.To my annoyance she struggled frantically against my mass.
I pulled away from her, leering down at the fragile faced fawn as some primal instinct took over my body and senses.I tugged at her skirt, pushing it up to her hips and admired her finely curved leg.She flailed her legs in resistance, kicking me several times in the face before I could restrain her further.I positioned my knees upon her calves as I produced the knife from my pocket.Her eyes, so alive with loathing, widened in fear and she let loose her never-ending string of profanities as I took the knife to her leggings.I ripped them up to reach that small tuff of hair that I had dreamed of so many times.My perverted mind left me in ecstasy and as I pushed her back into me, I could feel the pleasure I had been searching for.The violent wind showered our entwined forms with snow as our hair whipped together, a medley of her brown with my black.I had won.I held her in my arms as my own- for I had won.
It took only minutes for her to break out of my grasp and crawl desperately to salvation.I clawed at her neck, finding the golden chain, but it gave way to my strength and settled into the ground.
I had claimed her, yet she still wished to run from me.
Her tousled wardrobe was enough to arouse suspicion, but as I knew the predicament I was facing and her clear hatred of me, I had no choice.I found the knife lying among the newly fallen snow, that white, celestial concoction that had brought me the tantalizing creature before me.A burst of energy from my maddening mind allowed me to catch her.I swung my arm around her neck, hearing her breath become strained.Gasping noises emitted from her lips as I brought her head to my chest.I set my nose in to her luxuriant locks and inhaled deeply before I pulled her ear to my lips.
"If you do not wish to spend your life with me, then death is the only alternative."
She tugged violently at my sleeve, shrieking her incoherent apologies.I nodded into her hair, but before I could look upon her eyes again, I pulled the knife across her throat and felt her body grow limb.She slipped lifeless from my arms onto the frosted ground.I looked into her eyes and saw all the brightness of the world die along side her.All turned black and the only light was that of the embers of lust, still red hot for the shattered doll in front of me.The only satisfaction was that she was no longer his.No longer a victim of the dirty and grabbing hands of Anthony.Yet, I had delivered her into the hands of another man.God.
The knife dripped blood down my sleeve and I picked myself up, never to look back upon the face of my love.My desired darling had passed by and it took the lonely, purposeless walk home to make me realize what I had done.I threw the knife, soaked in her sweet life, down on my porch.The blood stained the pure snow.The intricacies of its veined pattern wove along the white, but was quickly covered by a fresh blanket that was blurring the world.My love lost in its chilling cover, her creamy complexion growing fainter as death laid his hand upon her cheek.Her life was gone and there was no chance to be reunited with her as I was being called by another.Down below the earths the demons laughed with glee as they had claimed another, another just as them.Someone consumed by their sins.Someone who would lose themselves to the sin's calling.
My life had always been ruled by greed and the lust for luxuries and extravagances of the known world.What was another person to me, but a trinket to treasure?To fill my lonely nights and hours with a light that I desperately wanted.Whether it had been the warmth of love or the thrill of breaking her innocence, I know not.All I know now is that she, Elizabeth, would never leave my eyes, my heart or soul.She was a part of me as much as the skin that stretched across my frame.She was the only comfort I had felt or ever knew.My spirit had waned with every declining breath she had taken.And as I will one day die, may it be today, tomorrow, or thirty years from now, I will live with the guilt of her death and forever be plagued with my unwavering yearnings for that maiden of my worst nightmares.She will remain the last thought in my mind.The last image to play in front of my eyes every dawn and dusk.The last words to escape my lips.She will die with this village, but, to a greater extent, she will die with me.The last memories of a madman.
Memories of a Madman
A short story about a man that is in love with a younger girl who has no idea who he is. He is obsessed to the point of madness at her every step, but what could this hold true in the future? Do not steal my story, it has a very symbolic meaning to my life.Memories of a Madman
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