Searching Till Forever- Chapter 1

Chapter 1:

No one ever teaches you how to deal with loss. The loss of a loved one, the loss of a game, or just a loss of a simple thing, such as a book, is never taught in schools. So how do we deal with it? Is there a right or wrong way? Is there an easy way and hard way? I don’t know.

I first experienced my first loss, or death, when I was only nine. Nine and I hadn’t a clue of what was going on around me. All I could see was disappointment. I found it most in my father’s eyes. I can scarcely remember the day we first discovered my grandma’s death. I remember it was cold, colder then any other day I had ever experienced, and it was sunny. It was cold and sunny and awful. The kind of days you wonder how any of the things going on around could possibly be possible.

“It was her time” my mother said to my father, sister and I. We all shared the same tears, hanging in the same spot, holding the same look on our face, of sadness mostly. “She was getting old, it was only evitable.” It was, and I didn’t know it at the time, but it was the end of my grandmother’s story and it was time for a new one.

“Are you ready?” My dad asked as he finished loading the Volvo. No. I wasn’t ready. Our second move after another loss, how could I be ready?

“Yeah.” I projected from across the front lawn. After my grandmothers death I eventually got over it and the gloom started to go away in my eyes. However my father didn’t seem to be making as much progress. Our solution, my mothers really, was to move and get away from the depression my father found in the civilization there. I couldn’t disagree, there was nothing really holding me there, except for a few friends, but that was it. I was only ten then, and that was before my mother ran out on us.

“Good. I think it will be good to leave here.” My dad said closing the trunk of our car. “There are too many distractions. I think we’ll be able to get over things if we move.”

“Yeah, maybe” I whispered folding my arms across my chest. My dad had already given this speech to me about ten times earlier, and I had the same answer every time. I turned my head to the left and saw my best friend August standing there. Her long, bright, red hair blowing in the slight breeze and her arms placed just like mine in front of her.

“Hi.” She said with a sad tone in her voice. We stared at each other for what seemed like a while before hugging. After my mother left my father and I, it seemed like the only person that could ever relate was August. She had gone through the same thing with her father. We relied on each other for moral support and when we just needed a shoulder to cry on. When the days seemed like they went on forever and all you could think about was the day your loved one left, we were always there for each other. August and I always would tell each other how much we just wanted to say goodbye to them before they left. However I knew deep down in my heart it wouldn’t have mattered if I said goodbye to them. The pain would still be there, ripping at me every moment, of every day. “You’ll be ok” she whispered, letting go of our hug.

“I don’t know if I will.” I said

“I know you will.” She whispered again “Hey, you’ll probably find some fantasy world or something while your there, and forget all about Riley and your mom.” She said trying to look at the bright side. August was a big believer in fairy tales coming true. She would read one every chance she got, it was her way of escaping the pain of reality.

“Ha Ha.” I laughed bitterly “What about you though?” I questioned

“I’ll be fine. You need the fantasy more then I do.” She smiled

“I don’t need a fantasy out there when I have a mystery to be solved right here.” I explained. My mother left my father when I was twelve, she was sick of his depression and honesty I think she had some problems of her own. It took me and my older sister Riley about two years to get over it. Recently however, things haven’t been the same.

It was about two months ago. I was fifteen and Riley was already seventeen. I was in my room, on my computer typing an essay for English when Riley came in.

“Hey, I’m sneaking out. Don’t tell dad.” Riley said bursting into my room.

“Sneaking out?” I asked as if I didn’t hear her.

“Yeah, I’m meeting some friends over by the lake.” She explained. I knew by friends she meant Rodger, her serious boyfriend who was, of course, one of the cutest guys at school. They were both seniors and already voted cutest couple.

“Its getting late, are you sure you want to?” I asked. I was the goody-goody of us two. Riley was known for taking chances and not thinking twice before doing something, where I on the other hand took an hour before deciding on the right thing to do. “And anyway, dad’s in one of those moods again. It’s probably not the best night to go out.” I explained. Every now and then my dad would start thinking about my mother and grandmother and instantly become depressed. And as hard as he tried, he could never hide it.

“Look, he’ll get over it. I mean dad’s not the only one who’s lost someone, and I don’t think the best way to get over it is staying inside on a night like tonight.” She said

“A night like tonight?” I asked.

“There’s something special in the air, like something different is going to happen.” She explained, and was right.

You know how when you watch the news and you see bad things happen to one family and you feel sorry for them, but you never really think that it could ever be you in there place? Yeah, well that’s how I used to think, until we became the helpless family on the T.V. set that every body felt sorry for.

I knew I shouldn’t have let Riley go that night, because I too felt that there was something in the air that night, it was the same feeling when my grandmother died and when my mother left. It was cold and breezy but there was a certain glow in the night as if it had been extremely hot that day. I knew I shouldn’t have let her go. I knew.

I didn’t say anything though, as I watched her start to climb out my window. I didn’t say anything, as she said “Don’t worry. I’ll be back.” I didn’t say anything, when she never did.

I knew I shouldn’t have let her go.

“Where is she?” my dad asked storming into my room, with me still lying in my bed. It was only six in the morning.

I didn’t say anything. I just nodded my head no and shrugged my shoulders in worry.

“Where is Riley?” he asked again.

I didn’t say anything.

He looked at me his eyes wide with dark circles under them as if he had been waiting all night for her to come home. “I’m calling the police!” He said heading over to my phone.

I didn’t say anything.

That night changed everything for us. Our family started with five people; my grandma passed away, my mother left, and then my sister. It was now just my dad and I.

Now, I know what you’re probably thinking. “This book is way too depressing, and I think I’m going to set it down.” Well don’t. It’s not meant to be a depressing story so you can feel sorry for me. It’s not even really about me. It’s about him.

“Come on Sophie!” my dad yelled from the inside of the Volvo.

“Coming!” I screamed back then looked at August. “I guess I have to go.”

“Ok, but call at least twice a week.” She said. I nodded then started to turn around. “MySpace too” I nodded again “email and text!” I nodded again then started, again, to turn around. “Wait!” August spoke once more. I was almost to the passenger’s side when she said “Be strong”

I smiled. “You too.” Then we were gone. The lease on our house wasn’t up yet, but the manager let us leave because he knew what had happened, everybody knew really. We had to wait a month though, which seemed like it lasted forever. It was hard to watch as the police made no progress on who killed her or how my sister died, but somehow I got through it. We were moving to a small town in the middle of nowhere. Population, I have no clue, crime rate, zero. That’s basically why my dad chose the place we’re moving to though.

“You’ll love it here.” My dad said as we headed down the street of our new house. “My grandmother used to take me here all the time when I was your age.”

“Why.” I said sarcastically as I looked through the window. Everything seemed really old, the houses, the cars, even the people. “Is there even anyone my age here?” I asked still looking around noticing how every person in front of the houses was all elderly. Then someone caught my eye. He looked about my age. He was helping an old lady up the front steps of her house. We drove by so quickly I didn’t get a good look at him, but I did see that he had blonde short hair, and was wearing a white long sleeved shirt with the arms pushed up.

“Of course there are.” My dad answered, even though someone else already did. “The school is a little small though, but there are some kids your age.”

“Oh.” Was all I said.

My dad smiled. Ever since Riley died his eyes were always red with dark circles under them. It first started the night we found her missing and they never seemed to have gone away. He was a handsome man nonetheless. He had dark, short hair and blue eyes, now surrounded in a sea of red instead of white, and he was six foot. “Here we are” my dad said pulling into a driveway. The house looked quant, perfectly fit for two people.

I smiled a fake smile and opened the car door. Taking a deep breath I headed over to the trunk taking out a suitcase. The moving people had already come, dropping off all the furniture and boxes and my dad had gone already the previous day to organize everything besides my room.

I entered the house. It was small. It had a kitchen, a living room, and two bedrooms. My dad had given me the bigger room upstairs because, unlike me, he didn’t need the space. I think I remember him telling me how it used to be an attic, but the previous owners had it fixed into an actual room.

I stood in the middle of the hallway with my arms crossed in front of my chest again, staring at the picture my dad hung up. It had everybody in it, the whole family. All of us looked so happy then. I remember the day we took that. It was two months before grandma had died and we were settled and happy in our house. We were on the front lawn, in the middle with Riley beside me, and mom and dad in the back of us. We were all holding on to each other so tight, as if we let go we would all fall. My dad and I must have let go, because eventually they had all fallen.

I must have been starring for a while because my dad said “You’ll be ok.”

“Will I?” I asked flatly “Will I really?” I looked at him annoyed. I don’t know why but I always seemed to blame my dad for all the losses, even though they were mine. I couldn’t show compassion towards him because I was mad. I was mad at myself. I knew I shouldn’t have let her go. It was my fault Riley was gone. I should’ve told dad right when she left, but I didn’t.

I glanced away from dad towards the picture. “Why did you hang that up?” I said not wanting an answer, so I walked fast to my room. Shutting the door I started crying, again. I couldn’t stop crying ever since Riley died. I cried at least once a day, and never came out of my room. I only came out when I had to go to the bathroom, went to go hang out with August or go to school. I ate dinner in my room, I watched T.V in my room, and I cried in my room.