Lovelorn - Sanada Genichirou

Airomi is not happy with herself. >_> This is failtastic and a lot longer than it should be. ERGH. *bangs head on desk*
Anyway...
Here's to LittleMissCynical, who was yet another kind soul who requested someone~! Thanks so much, LMC! (*shot for the unauthorized nickname*) ^__^ Honestly, I was very excited when you decided to ask for Sanada / Shishido. Although they aren't my favorite, I had been wanting to do a one-shot on one of them~

Genichirou has an elder brother, but his name isn't specified... so I didn't give him one. ^^; You'll notice the large abundance of "Genichirou's brother," "your best friend" and the like~

Urgh, this kept dragging on and on. X_x; I don't blame anyone who skips like... half of this. xD I'm really sorry that this is bad. >_>;

Disclaimer: I don't own anything except for this fail of a story. ;A;
_______

"You've cured me of my foolish obsession with love."

_______

There was a time early in your life where you were considered to be a hopeless romantic. You were the type of person who always seemed to have an optimistic thought about love, no matter the circumstances. Others often told you that they were jealous of you and your ability to look past previous relationships with a smile on your face. At their confessions, you'd smile and admit openly that looking the other way was not an easy thing, but as long as you continued to believe in the concept of love, you could do it.

That was your opinion, of course, before you acquainted yourself with Sanada Genichirou.

You had known Genichirou your whole life and, although you felt a strong tug of attraction to him, you had always been afraid of him. There wasn't anyone else you knew who could have such a stoic face on all the time. His personality seemed to be stuck on the mode 'apathetic for everything in the world'; and, due to this, you had purposely avoided him, although you saw him literally everyday, both in and out of school.

Being the Sanadas neighbor was both a good and bad thing; a reason for it being the former was that the Sanada family—of course, with the exception of Genichirou—was a very personable bunch, even if they were very set on sticking to traditions. You had become good friends with the eldest brother because of the air of amiability that surrounded him like an aura, despite the fact it seemed like you should have befriended Genichirou rather because of the closeness of age. But Genichirou was a scary person, unlike his brother, and your head (as well as your gut) screamed at you to go with the elder rather than the younger, despite your heart feeling slightly sad about your decision.

Although you never had a full-fledged conversation with Genichirou, you had attempted to be kind and courteous in your own ways, hoping that maybe that stubborn shell that surrounded him would crack (or soften—whichever came first) and he would be not as scary so that you could become his friend. However, your attempts were usually in vain, for he would either just stare at you or, if he were in a good mood, give you a curt nod. Eventually, you decided that he wasn't going to change, and you became more worried for Genichirou—for his stoic surely was not at all healthy to have all the time—as the days rolled by.

You voiced your concerns to Genichirou's brother (who also happened to be your best friend) one day, when the two of you were sitting on the Sanadas porch, eating watermelon while wasting the hot summer day away. "Ne, Sanada-chan," you murmured, using your usual, strange way of addressing him, "why do you think that Genichirou-san is like that?"

"Genichirou?" questioned the older brother, spitting out a black seed. He watched it fly into his garden and grinned when it hit the weather-worn ishi-doro, the watermelon pit resting on the stone pagoda's top. "What do you mean by 'like that'?"

You crossed your legs at the ankle, looking down at the watermelon you cradled in your lap. "Well...," you started, unsure on how to make it not sound offensive, "I'm talking about his... coldness. Why do you think that he's like that? Not," you quickly objected, seeing your close friend open his mouth, "that there's anything wrong with it, I suppose."

Genichirou's brother looked at you incredulously for a fleeting moment, and you bit your lip, believing that you had honestly offended him. "Nothing wrong with it?" he asked quietly, furrowing his eyebrows. He lifted up his watermelon, taking another bite and chewing softly while he contemplated your words. You looked down at your own, the ashy taste of your disrespectful words making you pause from your eating.

"Of course there's something wrong with it."
Surprised, you looked up to meet the brown eyes of the elder Sanada brother. Seeing your shocked expression, your friend's eyebrows rose as he swallowed the piece of fruit in his mouth. "What, you don't think there's something wrong with him?"

"Well," you choked out, scratching your head, "I wasn't going to say that there was something wrong with him..."

"But you know there is."

"Sanada-chan!" you chided, looking at the eldest child in a taken aback manner. When he chuckled, you shook your head. "I can't believe you would say that about Genichirou-san."

"It's not like I'm insulting him. Okay, maybe I am," he corrected after seeing your deadpan stared. "But he's family, so it's all good. But seriously, there's got to be something wrong with his brain to have, like, no emotional feelings at all." The brown-haired boy laid back on his back, looking at the wooden roof.

You laid beside him, your hair fanning out around you. "That's not true," you murmured, closing your eyes. A smile flit up to your face as you closed your eyes. "Genichirou-san has feelings. He's human, after all. Oh, come on, he's not a robot," you replied, your eyes re-opening after hearing a caustic laugh.

"I wouldn't jump to conclusions, (Your Name)-chan," the eldest brother of the Sanada family commented. "The only time I've ever—and when I mean ever, I mean ever—seen him get all hyped up over something is when he's playing tennis. And you can't marry a sport, no matter how hard you try."

You frowned, knowing that what your friend said was the truth—and, no matter how hard you would try, you wouldn't be able to deny the facts. A sigh escaped your lips as you looked to the side to watch the clouds crawl away slowly. "Why do you think he's like that...?" you questioned, more to yourself than to your companion. Your mind wandered off as you thought of Genichirou, the frown deepening when you imagined him all alone in the future. A pang of sympathy stabbed at your heart; as a hopeless romantic, you could hardly visualize anyone to live a life without his or her other—even if those people were stoic and indifferent people like Genichirou.

The eldest brother broke your reverie by saying softly, "I think it's because he lacks love."

"Lacks... love?" It felt weird saying those two words jointly. Silently, you told yourself that your vocabulary would never push 'lack' and 'love' together in a sentence again.

"Yup." Genichirou's brother breathed out, a nonchalant expression on his face. "Don't get me wrong—Mom, Dad, Grandpa, and even I give him enough love. I'm talking about from probably his peers and whatnot."

Since you were part of that "peer" group, you immediately felt guilty.

Your friend continued, oblivious to the fact that you were squirming on the inside. "Yeah. Genichirou has always had trouble making friends—should we even consider his tennis team friends?" He shook his head, brown hair flailing about wildly. "Nah. I'm not going to. Well, maybe Yukimura could be classified as a friend, but other than that, he has none."

"That's... that's horrible."

"Not horrible," corrected the elder brother. "Tragic."

___

Your conversation with Genichirou's brother ended then, but the exchange bothered you for quite some time after that. It would continuously float up to the surface of your conscience, nagging you until you felt as though you wanted to rip your hair out. And even when it didn't nag you (which was, honestly, only at rare times), you felt like there was a weight inside your heart, making it very heavy. More times than not after speaking with your best friend, you felt as though it was harder to be optimistic than ever before.

You felt useless.

And you hated it.

It took a while, but eventually an epiphany came to you and you realized how you could ease the guilt and pain Genichirou's brother's comments made you feel. When it first did appear in your mind, it was like the light at the end of the tunnel—and, also, the end to the constant torture and blame your conscience threw at your heart. It was also something that made you laugh out loud at the sheer simplicity of it, and it was also something that made you shudder.

It took you quite a while to convince yourself that this plan of yours was for the best—for, after all, trying to get Genichirou to become your friend was going to be severely hard on your emotions and morale. While your brain was telling you yes, this is for the best, go do it, your heart was screaming no, this is not for the best, that guy won't bend, he won't change just for some girl like you, no no no no no no—

The competition between your logic and your emotion was brutal and very tiring, and, much like Genichirou's elder brother's words, it plagued you to no end. You constantly allowed the two dueling parts of you to gain dominance; one minute, you'd be telling yourself that you were going to walk up to him with a smile on your face, and the next moment you'd be sighing and laying back on your bed, silently telling yourself that he wouldn't appreciate it in the least.
But then your opinion would change once again, and you'd convince yourself that although he would appreciate it, it would still be healthy for his soul.

It was tiring to argue with yourself, so eventually you pushed your emotions of discomfort away and decided finally that you were going to approach him, no matter what your heart said—a first, considering people like you usually always followed his or her heart for everything.

___

The first time expressing your gratitude (was that what you were doing? You really didn't know) was harder than you expected it to be and, if it were not for your strong-willed attitude, you probably would have not gone through with it. Standing at the Sanadas door was nothing out of the ordinary—being friends with the eldest brother usually caused you to go over every other day, and being neighbors usually made you go to Mrs. Sanada for her recipes your mother loved on the days you weren't over to see your best friend—but when you stood there, you were sweating and twitching like there was no tomorrow. Your hands were folded together behind your back; clutched with a vice-like grip in your hand was a batch of small, lopsided cookies (which were probably now reduced to little bits from your hold on them) you had made the day prior.

Your second mother answered the door with an expectant smile. "Ah, (Your Name)-chan!" greeted Mrs. Sanada, her eyes crinkling. She side-stepped, giving you an opening to slip through the door. "He's upstairs," she said, immediately assuming you were here to see your best friend. "I'll fetch him for you—"

"Um, actually, Sanada-san," you murmured, not budging from your spot, "I'm not here to see him." When she raised an eyebrow in curiosity, you fidgeted under her gaze. Looking down at the ground (for you were fully aware that your face was an unhealthy red), you quickly pushed the saran-wrapped cookies towards her. "These are for Genichirou-kun!" you blurted out hurriedly, the words almost blurring together.

She was silent for a moment, mostly out of astonishment. It was uncomfortable, almost unbearably so, so you allowed yourself to glance at her quickly. Mrs. Sanada was blinking rapidly, an indeed shocked expression on her face—but it was not unpleasant. Slowly, her lips moved upward into a smile. You blinked, straightening yourself out.

"Thank you," the mother of the Sanada household murmured. She reached out a hand to gently take the cookies, and you dropped your hands to let them hang at your sides. The elder woman seemed to cradle the sweets to her before looking at you, a fond smile on her face. "Thank you, (Your Name)-chan," she repeated. "I'm sure he'll appreciate them very much..."

Even though you knew that what she said was false, that he probably would not appreciate your efforts to become his friend, you allowed yourself momentary peace at her words, deciding that, even if Genichirou didn't like your efforts, seeing the relieved smile on Mrs. Sanada's face was good enough.

So you continued to do random acts of kindness throughout the rest of the month, sometimes to Genichirou directly (well, if you consider stuffing things in his shoe locker, desk, and tennis bag to be "direct") and sometimes not. (The former, however, made you very nervous, so you tended to drift more towards the latter after a while.) You didn't know if Genichirou knew it was you, nor were you particularly curious to know the answer.

You were, however, often interested to see how he reacted to your gifts. You frequently found yourself behind the corner of one of Rikkai's buildings, watching with a craned neck as Genichirou found your displays of affection. Most of the time it was merely cooking—food, you noted with a slight sourness, that he'd either give Marui or throw away—but sometimes they were little encouraging notes. (Those, you pointed out to yourself with pride, he'd put in his back pocket.) His expression always stayed the same, however: stoic, unmoving, and apathetic. You would often sigh loudly after he left, feeling like a failure at your inability to make his face move.

Things continued like this for longer than you remember, and you eventually became very comfortable with your newly-adjusted schedule of following Genichirou around. It wasn't exactly in a stalker-esque manner, you noted, but it wasn't entirely in a way where you met up with him with coincidental means. There were also many times where you thought you would get caught, whether the reason be because of your loud clumsiness or his sharp senses. In those rather short periods, you'd stand perfectly still behind whatever blocked you from Genichirou's line of view, your body tensed up and your heart rate increased. You knew that he was looking in your direction—if not directly at the place you were hiding—but after a while he would seem to get bored and would walk away like he always did.
And, just like every time, you'd sigh loudly and place a hand over your heart, glad that he didn't get too curious to check even further and happy at the fact that your secret was still safe.

Or, at least, you thought that he didn't know.

He approached you one day, much to your surprise (and horror). At first, you hadn't a clue as to why he was standing in front of you with his arms crossed, eyes set with stern disapproval; maybe, you thought, he just wanted to talk? Of course, that thought was quickly dispelled—Genichirou was never the type of just "chat". You wondered why you thought of such irrational thoughts and you swallowed your fear and said in a shaky voice, "C-Can I help you, Sanada-kun?" You refrained from using his given name although you wanted to, slightly afraid of his firm gaze.

He was silent for a while, something that had an odd effect on your nerves. As you looked down at your hands, fingers fidgeting, you took deep breaths in order to calm yourself; it was all in vain, however, for your shaking got even worse when he spoke in his deep voice. Why, of all people, did you have to be scared of the person you felt rather attracted to?

"Did you do this?" he asked, and your head snapped up, eyes wide like a doe's. He was holding one of your notes in between two fingers; you immediately blushed, suddenly feeling very silly.

"Well," you stuttered out, fiddling with the hem of your skirt, "I... I thought that it was a good idea at first..." You refused to look at him, instead settling on the ground right next to his feet. Your hair fell in your face as you took another set of deep breaths. You felt very dizzy.

You heard Genichirou sigh very softly, and the blood rushing past your eardrums almost made it inaudible. You saw him shift, placing the note back in his back pocket; he crossed his arms again, and when you didn't look up, he demanded, "Look at me."

You obeyed the vice captain with reluctance, looking at him through your eyelashes. Behind his apathetic mask, he seemed to be regarding you with curiosity and confusion; you took this as a silent questioning of your actions, so you coughed, looked off to the side, and decided to try to explain your actions.

"If... If you don't mind me saying, Sanada-kun," you started, "I've noticed that you've always been... alone. Please don't take this the wrong way, of course; it may not be—and probably isn't—true, but these are just my observations." You took a deep breath, closing your eyes. It seemed to help you with your nervousness, for your voice steadily began to get stronger as you continued.

"I felt—and still do feel—for you. I find it... very sad that Sanada-kun is by himself all the time. As a hopeless romantic"—you laughed—"I believe that no one should be alone, and that everyone always needs to have someone." You opened your eyes, your monologue giving you a surprisingly large amount of courage. You allowed a sad smile to float unconsciously to your lips as you opened your bag, fishing through it until your hands pulled out a small container of sweets that you were planning on placing in Genichirou's shoe locker later in the day. Without your normal timidity, you slowly reached your hand out, offering Genichirou the gift. "I know that you don't eat them, Sanada-kun," you murmured in a blunt (but not biting) tone, "but I'd still like you to have them."

Genichirou voiced his silent questioning this time, his voice rough and smooth. "Why?" he asked you, his eyebrows furrowing.

Your smile faltered just the slightest and you felt your courage slipping. You swallowed thickly, praying that you could hold onto your valor for just a little bit longer, before saying, "B-Because, Sanada-kun. I want you to know that you also have me to be your friend..."

Your bravery completely disappeared from your being as you finished your meaningful speech, and you looked down, feeling utterly foolish at what you just told Genichirou. You were fairly certain that you had just offended him and that he was going to walk away. You arm was still outstretched; you were just about to apologize to him and pull your arm back when Genichirou did something you weren't expecting.

Without any words, the vice captain reached his hand up and slowly plucked the gift from your hands.
Surprised, you looked up, expecting to see his face (and perhaps even a different emotion on it other than indifference and austerity), but all that you saw was the back of his tennis uniform. You let your hand drop, confusion and another emotion—perhaps satisfaction?—seeping up to your heart.

Genichirou did not say anything, nor did he look back at you, instead opting to merely walk away, hand loosely clasped around your gift. You did not know if he was embarrassed or if he was angry—and, even if he was facing you, you knew his façade would not slip anyway. You, also, did not care of he was angry, sad, embarrassed, amused, or any other emotion.

The only thing that mattered was that the gift was in his hand and that he was walking away—his mysterious way of showing he appreciated your attempts.

___

Things continued like this for a long time—longer than you'd like to admit—and, eventually, you began to loose sight of your plan.

When everything had first started, you had a clear, rounded idea in your head: Get Sanada Genichirou to become your friend, for he always seemed to be alone. It was a simple albeit hard-to-execute arrangement, but at the beginning stages, you had been sure that you could do it, despite your heart's rather obvious discontent with what you wanted to do.
Everything had been fine; you had performed with excellent (although slightly clumsy) movements.

Things changed, though, when Genichirou confronted you and you told him of your plans.

After that, the threads of your original plan began to weave themselves, and, oddly enough, you and the stern vice captain did end up being closer. (Of course, that is only if one considers two-minute conversations in pleasant tones to be close.) Genichirou was, naturally, not open with you, and you still weren't exactly calm around him either—but he seemed to be able to cooperate with your continuous presence and you seemed to be able to at least look calm when he was around.

While it was true that you mission was accomplished to the highest degree that it could, you couldn't help but feel as though you hadn't achieved what you were striving to do. The imaginary box that was created by your original ideas began to fade and move around until it was merely an amorphous blob. Eventually, you began to get very confused as to whether or not you had actually achieved your goal—in fact, what had your goal been, anyway?

That wasn't the only thing that had changed, you noted after a while. You also realized that you began to feel very differently about Genichirou. While it was true that, yes, you were still terrified of him, you started to see him in a different light—a light, you were sure, in which you weren't supposed to see Genichirou like that.

You began to think about him more often, and there were many times where you would secretly hope to see him around the house when you were visiting his brother. You found yourself lingering around the tennis courts more often; both consciously and unconsciously, your feet would shuffle towards the lowered area where they practiced. Sometimes you would get lucky and see him there, and other times not. You also began to try to find excuses to wait after school for him—I left something in your brother's room; I need a book from you; your mother asked me to accompany you to go shopping after tennis practice.

You knew why you were doing this—and, although that tug of attraction you held for him justified it, you didn't want to admit that you, indeed, had grown to like Genichirou a lot more than you should have.

You'd give yourself rational reasons as to why you shouldn't like Genichirou, but your hopeless romantic side would make those reasons invalid.

It's wrong to like him.

I shouldn't like him.

I don't want to like him.

He will never like me back.

It didn't take you long to realize that you liked Sanada Genichirou, and there was nothing you could do about it.

___

It had been five months since you realized you held a twisted love for Genichirou, and those were the unhappiest months of your whole life.

You watched him practice tennis from behind the large cherry blossom, orbs glazed over as you thought about all that had happened within the past months. Your eyes unconsciously watched Genichirou as he moved with sharp, precise movements, his steely gaze set on the ball. You heaved a sigh. Why did you even like him?

There was and never would be any gain in liking someone as stoic as Sanada Genichirou. So why did you even bother liking him?

Oh, but that was right. You couldn't help feeling the way you did. You pressed yourself against the bark of the sakura tree as you closed your eyes, a forlorn smile on your face.

There once was a time where you were in love with love. You had loved the concept of true love, of soul mates; you had loved your belief in how life was going to end like a fairytale for you—happy, with the man of your dreams. You had loved how you loved others unconditionally.

You had loved it.

Now you hated it.

Falling in love with Sanada Genichirou was a big mistake—and it was one that made you look at love in a whole new different light. Upon falling in love with him, you realized that love was something that wasn't to be celebrated, that it was something that only caused you pain.

Love was the worst thing that could happen to a person.

You pushed yourself away from the cherry blossom tree, a bitter taste in your mouth. I'm through with it, you decided, shaking your head as you walked away slowly.

___

"Is she gone?"

Yukimura sighed, a gentle smile on his face as he turned to look at his vice captain. "Yes," he said, shrugging his shoulders. His jacket fell behind him gracefully onto the bench as he stood up, grabbing his racket. As he slowly put one of his sweatbands on his wrist, he chuckled softly and said, "You know, I'm pretty sure (Last Name)-chan has given up because of you." He looked out of the corner of his eye, purple orbs regarding Genichirou with curiosity. "Do you regret that?"

"Of course not," Genichirou replied quickly. He reached out and quickly grasped his bottle of Pocari Sweat, taking a quick sip before placing it down. He looked back at his captain as Yukimura raised his eyebrows.

"You really aren't?"

"No," Genichirou replied flatly, picking up his racket. He rolled his shoulder, getting ready to step back on the court. Without looking at his captain, he said, "(Your Name) had irrational thoughts about love. It's better this way."

Yukimura opened his mouth to respond, but Sanada's sharp "Not good enough, Marui!" made him close his mouth instead. He watched as his friend began to walk around the courts stiffly.

With a small smile, Yukimura shook his head and placed the other sweatband on his wrist; he then looked up to the trees, watching as the sakura petals fell down with the wind. "I feel bad for (Last Name)-chan," he murmured to himself.
"I guess Sanada cured her of her foolish obsession with love."
_______
*shot for lameness* I'm really sorry about this fic. >_>; That's all I have to say.
LMC, thanks so much for being kind enough to message me! ^_^ I'm sorry about how bad this is. ^_^;
*runs off to do 4 other requests*