Okay, Just Telling You What's Going On...

So, recently I haven't been updating and I'd thought I'd share the reason behind that....
So, about two weeks ago my mom got a phone call from the prayer chain telling us that one of our close friend's in our church family commited suicide the night before, he was 23 years old, same as my sister. At first, I guess I didn't comprehend it, but then at about 12:30 am it dawned on me, he's not going to be at church sunday morning, he's not going to be there to give me a ride home from evening service, he's not going to be there period. That's when I started to cry about it, lets just say I didn't sleep at all that night.
I've never really delt with anyone dying before, except when my grandpa died, but that was when I was like five and I didn't really understand it. I vaugly remember him. It's quite sad actually.
The next morning when I went to church, I saw Rick's brother and he was perfectly fine, it kind of bothered me that he was totally okay and my eyes were bloodshot from crying all night.
Yesterday, was Rick's funeral, well it was called a memorial service." I've never cried that hard in my life. Rick had always been like another brother to me, I've known him ever since I was born, he used to watch me in the nursery, I guess this was my closure. My mom almost called 911 because I almost hypervinalted. I was sobbing so hard and I couldn't stop. He will forever be missed, and I will see him in eternity.
RIP Rick, you were my great friend.
And then, I have my usual guy problems. See, I like this guy, but he lives in another state, basically on the other end of the country, I have never met me but I feel like I've known him my entire life. We talked all the time, and feelings grew, he actually made me feel like...a girl. See, at school, here in Oregon, I'm known as one of the guys, they see me as someone to throw a football with, or to play hacky sack, they don't call me "babygirl, sweetie, babe, hun" like George (name changed) does.
Finally after crying for a while I finally got the nerve to tell him, he asked how much, I said that it was so much that I'd been crying for the past hour and a half, he asked why I was crying, I told him that the last guy who found out I liked him, (ie Sam) didn't talk to me for an entire year, he asked if I believed if he'd do that to me, I told him that I didn't know and if he liked me back, he said that he'd never, ever do that and said that he said that he didn't know if he knew me well enough to like me back. I said okay, and that I understood. And things weren't awkward between us at all, until Rick died. I really needed someone to talk to and I text him and told him all he said was that he was sorry, and when I told him that I needed someone to talk to, he never text me back, or answered my phone calls.
So, earlier on this week Neryssa stole his number from my phone anad started texting him. Then I realized, he'd probably know that me and her have the same area code, two seconds later he called me, asking if I knew her number, I lied and said I didn't and they started taking. Right when they started texting, he stopped texting me altogether, on friday I kind of broke down, from all the stress going on. Neryssa then, sent...George a three page text message telling him that if he ever made "Blue" (my nickname) cry again then she'd kill him, and she listed different ways. He responded with "who the hell is Blue" and when she told him that "it's Lyndsey" he didn't reply. Then last night at about 10 pm he sent me a text "nite" I said "Umm, was that meant for me?" He said Lol ya, y else would i send it to you" I said "I don't know, we weren't talking so it didn't make sense to say night to me" Then he replied with "Well,I wuz just thinkin of u. that's all."
I didn't know what he was saying. It didn't really make sense to me.
So, obviously I've been dealing with a bunch of crap. But, I'm going to try to to update asap. I finished writing the fourth chapter of, Oh, How I Wish, I started writing a Kevin Jonas Arranged Marriage Story, and I'm writing "Unforgetful You" in Nick's point of view, it's called "I Want To Know Why."
Thank you guys for understanding!
~ Lyndsey Jimenez aka JonasBrotherLuver123