There she sat, singing her song. The song she wrote for him.
You say your hurting is over, It feels like you’re back from the dead,
“Hannah? Baby are you home?” Alex yelled as he walked in the front door.
“Yeah, In here babe.” She shouted back. Alex ran into the computer room where Hannah, his girlfriend of five years, sat.
“Guess what I did.” Hannah stared blankly at him. “I joined A.A.” She was shocked. Alex had been having a problem with drinking for quite some time now.
“Wha--really? You did?”
“I sure did. You see, the other night when we were fighting about it, you said how much you wished I could be the father I needed to be. Then I realized, in just a few months, we’re going to have a little Gaskarth baby running around, and I can’t be having this problem anymore. I can’t miss any of it. So, I went in after work and joined.” Hannah was so excited, she nearly leaped from her chair into his arms.
“Oh babe, I’m so proud of you. You don’t even know.” She reached up and kissed him passionately. This was the person she fell in love with.
But still I can’t believe it’s over, and I can’t get your sight, your scent from my head.
That night Hannah lay in bed, thinking about all that was going to change. Alex was finally going to be sober. Yet, she still couldn’t get the images of his drunken nights from her mind.
The nights where he would stumble through the front door, tripping over his feet. The way his breath smelled made her want to vomit. He was too drunk to have a conversation with, and it was like that nearly every night. Until now.
It seems like these moments are lasting forever, the times when we felt alive.
Days went by. Alex was sober every day and every night. They got to go on dates, and have normal conversation every night.
They could finally be a real couple.
You carried my heart in the midst of this battle, in your hands.
He held her hand through everything. From when her father died, to when she found out about the baby. He was there. Those were on the few occasions he wasn’t drinking, and now, he was sober, to where he could be with her for everything.
Then that night, that dreaded night Alex called her, too drunk to even talk straight.
“Hannah, baby…”
“Alex? Where are you?”
“Zacks….”
“You’re drunk.” She knew it before he even finished what he was going to say.
“Well, no, baby,”
“Well, yes, Alex, you are. I thought you were sober?”
“I was ‘till tonight.”
This time I wont try to reach you, you’re already too far gone.
“Is there even any point in trying to get you better? Am I reaching towards nothing? I love you beyond words, Alex, but you can’t keep fucking doing this shit.”
“Well, I’ll be alright. I promise.” His words slurred together into mush, and she just wanted to cry.
“Baby, why are you mad?”
“Why am I mad, Alex? Why am I mad!?” She was screaming now. “You’re over at your buddies house, drinking when you were supposed to be sober!”
Slipped past, and I didn’t notice, did we ever sing the same song?
“Baby, please don’t do this…” Before she could say anything else, she hung up. She didn’t want to his drunken voice anymore. She thought they were both wanting him to get better. I guess she thought wrong.
Two lives, two books of illusion, a chapter in the essence of time
She always thought they were living one life together. But she was wrong. They were two different people, on the inside and out. They spent five years of their life together, that’s five years she’s put to waste.
The story we wrote in one season, came to and end in one night.
They built their lives upon each other. They bought their house together, and they were going to have this baby together. She wanted him to be there with her, but now it seemed impossible.
A few hours later, she got the phone call that ruined her life forever.
“Ms. Delma..’
“Yes?”
“This is the Baltimore County Police. I’m sorry to say but your boyfriend has been killed in a vehicle accident…….”
Remember the times when we started believing, that everything would be alright.
She thought it would be.
“There was a diamond ring in his jacket pocket. Would you like us to bring it by?” If her heart could sink anymore, it would have.
“Yeah, yeah. Sure.” She didn’t bother with it anymore, she just hung up.
A few hours later, the police showed up at her doorstep. The cop took a look at her, and his face had a new found sympathy across it.
“I’m very sorry Miss. Please, take care.” He handed her the small box, and left the doorstep. She opened it and a small piece of paper fell out of it. She picked it up, and cried until she couldn’t anymore.
On the note, in Alex’s seemingly perfect handwriting, it said:
You carried my heart in the midst of this battle in your hands.
I love you.
There she sat on his newly dug grave, singing the song she wrote him. She slowly rocked their new baby boy along as she sang.
And I’ll wait for you,
I’ll become something new.
And I’ll sing for you until this dream comes true.
