Child Of The Snow (Uchiha Itachi) (Scroll Ten)

The journey with Itachi and the Fishstick was rather boring, but it was nice, too. The voices, after you found horrible, horrible things to call them, stopped bothering you and stopped trying to dip into Itachi’s brain.
The last time it happened during the time when you were camping out until dawn struck, and Tsume tried for what had to be the third time.
Kisame glanced back at you briefly; you looked tired, perhaps frustrated as well. He arched an eyebrow beneath his straw and rice paper hat, and then merely looked forward again. It wasn’t his problem. Their job was to bring you to Rei-Dono and that was it. The problem was, was that neither Itachi nor Kisame were aware of what their leader could possibly use you for. So it wasn’t like they could tell you.
“Jackasses,” you grumbled, glaring at the pair from either side. You were sandwiched between them, but with at least a foot of space on each side, to ensure that if you tried to run, they could grab you and probably beat the hell out of you.
Or hog tie you again.
Kisame seemed to favour tying people up.
“Fishman here is quite the kinky creep...” You snorted, catching the shark man’s attention. “What was that?” He inquired, narrowing his eyes at you.
You glanced at him, staring for a moment, and then blinking. “...Hey, do you have eyelids?”

“...” He just stared at you, giving you this sort of “are you on drugs?” kind of stare. “...Yes. What the hell kind of a question is that?”
“Ooh!” You blatantly ignored him, jumping in front of him and grinning cheekily. “Do you have like shark eyelids or people eyelids?!” You asked urgently, getting on your tippy toes and reaching up to try and grab his eyeballs.
His hands quickly latched onto your wrists, preventing you from grabbing onto his eyeballs and tearing them out. “Knock it off!” He snapped, shoving you a bit harder than he probably should have, since you went back a couple of feet and fell flat on your eyes. You oof’d when you hit the ground, but you didn’t get back up. Instead, you opted for sitting there and pouting, your arms crossed underneath your breasts.
“See if I give you any fish flakes for a snack later on...” You mumbled.
Meanwhile, Itachi had stopped walking momentarily to look back at the two of you beneath his hat, his cold red eyes narrowed at you. You shivered when you felt invisible daggers piercing your body, your head slowly turning so you could look for the source. You peered up at Itachi, blinked, and grinned nervously. Chills ran down your spine like a herd of deer fleeing from danger. You bit your lip, smiling at him. “Why so upset, Itachi? I mean, after that delightful makeout session last night, you’d think you be a bit perkier!”
“...What are you talking about?” He asked suspiciously, narrowing his eyes further, and for a moment, it looked as though his eyes swirled.
Now it was Kisame’s turn to give you a funny look. You blinked at them both like they’d grown second heads each. “Don’t you remember, silly?!”
“...” Itachi frowned slightly behind his cloak collar; had he forgotten something?
“...Oh!” Kisame said abruptly, realization claiming his features. “I know what she’s talking about,” he said, causing the both of you to look up at him. “You do?!” You inquired anxiously, your hands clasping together. ‘Gods,’ you prayed, ‘please tell me I didn’t swap spit with the shark and envision it was Itachi.’
“Yeah, but it wasn’t Itachi,” he commented. Your face drained of colour, which he seemed to notice, and he gave you an irritated look. “It wasn’t me, either.” You blinked. “Oh... Then who the hell did I...?”
“...An owl,” he said flatly. “You were sleeping, but you suddenly jerked awake, jumped into a tree, and you grabbed a screech owl. You smothered it, it bit you and flew off, so...” He cringed, but continued. “You came back down and started to dry hump the tree.”
“.....” ‘What?’
He blinked at you, smirking. “You did call out Itachi’s name, though.”
“.........” Your face grew incredibly red, rivaling that of Hinata’s incredible tomato-y blushes. ‘Oh gods, oh gods, oh gods... I made out with a tree and a bird... and Itachi saw... and Kisame saw.... and HOLYSHITIMADEOUTWITHMOTHERNATURE! EWW! And... wait... is that technically incest?’
So you sat there for the next minute or two, your knees drawn up to your chest, your arms wrapped around your legs. You rocked back and forth, panicking and muttering about trees, nature, incest, and for some odd reason, dried cranberries.
“Grab her,” Itachi instructed, blinking only slightly at your sudden withdrawl.
Kisame nodded, reaching down and grabbing you by the back of the collar of your shirt. You stayed in that unusual curled, almost-fetal position and he carried you like that at his side. You knew you could make him let go, but this was an excuse to not have to walk, so you continued to play Charades and let him carry you like a bag of groceries.
‘Goooods, I hate my life.’
**
It wasn’t until midday that Kisame finally got tired of you and threw you onto the ground. Your face was pressed into the ground, your arms at your sides, you butt on the air, and your knees pressed firmly into the dirt. You swayed your hips side to side, singing in a muffled tone into the dirt. Your blue hair framed your face, or at least the sides of it, making it more difficult to determine your full profile... or even a fraction of it.
Hell, you looked like a hobo right now.
“Get up,” Kisame said sharply, his foot connecting with your rear end. You somersaulted onto your back, your arms and legs sprawling out onto the ground. “Oh, say it isn’t so~!” You cried, resembling the sound of a dying cat. “Say that it isn’t all gone!” With more-than-obvious fake sobs and unshed tears, you – being the drama queen that you liked to be – draped your arm across your eyes, sobbing.
“Say that it isn’t all gone!”
“What isn’t all gone?” Something told sharky, deep down, deeeeep deep down, that he was going to regret asking.
“What?” You asked, blinking up at him. You hadn’t realized you had an audience! “Why isn’t what all gone?” You probed.
“..But you just said...”
“LIES!” You screamed, leaping to your feet instantly and jabbing his stomach with your pointer finger in the most accusing way possible. “All~ lies! How dare you put words into my mouth, fiend! I oughta turn you into sashimi!”
He twitched visibly. “I am so... fucking tired...” He hissed, advancing you with every pause. Your face had drained of colour, and you quit poking him. “...Of everyone threatening... to turn me... into some sort of fish dish!” He snarled, making you squeak as you tripped over a random rock sticking out of the ground and fall onto your back.
“Just because I have shark attributes does not mean I am fucking edible!” He snapped, his sharp, pointed teeth gleaming in the light.
You grinned nervously, “Well, that’s fine and dandy, but what’s your gay lover gonna say about you not being eatable--- eek!”
You screeched like a little girl and crawled away, barely getting out of the way of his Samehada as it came crashing violently into the ground, creating a good sized crater where your body one lie.
He narrowed his eyes down at you bitterly, a snarl crossing his features. He looked ready to take another swipe at you, until Itachi stepped in.
“Kisame!” Itachi snarled, causing Kisame to halt in his actions and look questioningly at Itachi. “What?” He hissed angrily. “Enough,” the Uchiha ordered darkly. “If you continue with your reckless behavior, you’re going to attract attention and cause more problems.”
Kisame paused to consider this, looked around, and looked back at Itachi, nodding his head and sighing as he replaced Samehada on his back once more. “Hai, Itachi-sama.”
Itachi nodded and resumed walking.
Kisame waited a moment, and then looked back at you, glaring down at you. “You’re lucky that Rei-Dono finds potential in you, girl, or I would have killed you.” He growled. “Watch yourself.”
You gave him a thumbs-up, grinning. “Can do! I’ll be sure to try and stay out of your hair.”
Which was a lie, for no sooner had you gotten up and followed Kisame to get back to Itachi, you started to randomly quiz him about his sword. He didn’t seem to mind too much about your curiosity, even though he was still peeved, and he did “offer” (yeah, more like threaten to shish-kabob) you a demonstration. You declined as politely as possible.
When he finally did calm down, you started to poke at him, asking random things again. But now it was about Akatsuki. He was ridiculously vague on this and, after the fifteenth poke, he threatened to chop off your finger if you didn’t quit. After you pointed out that you’d have nine left to jab him with, he offered to remove those as well and (in a really creepy voice) he added that they could make for quite the snack.
You stopped poking him after hearing that and seeing his dangerous grin.
So instead of continuing to torture him, you conjured up a chocolate bar from the pouch on your hip and tore it open. When he saw, he looked at you funny. What kind of a shinobi, never mind a kunoichi, carries around candy?
You blinked and grinned, breaking it in half and offering him some. “Chocolate?”
He stared at it for a moment, hesitantly reaching over and taking the half you offered. “Thanks,” he muttered, albeit hesitantly. You smiled and bit into your piece, humming happily. You peered over at Itachi from across Kisame’s abdomen. “Want some chocolate?” You offered. He didn’t answer; so either he didn’t hear you or he didn’t want any. You assumed it was probably both, or maybe just that he didn’t want any... Either way, you didn’t offer again, and you and Kisame munched on your chocolate contently.
~So, enjoying yourself?~ You blinked momentarily, opening your mouth to ask if Kisame asked you something, only to stuff more chocolate into your mouth.
‘Not really. The chocolate is orgasmic, but otherwise, nuh-uh. Not thrilled.’
~...I see. So I hear that Tsume made you make out with an avian and, incidentally, the tree it was once in.~
‘...Figures that fagbag would be the cause of this,’ you snorted.
~Be nice,~ she chided. ~Now where are they taking you?~
‘Akatfooy headbobbles or something. Hell, I wasn’t paying attention.’
~So you have no idea where?~
‘Obviously not.’
~Ask!~
‘No!’
~YES!~
“No!” You shouted abruptly, making Kisame look at you. “What now?” He grumbled. You blinked. “..Oh, hell. Not you. Don’t worry.”
‘I hate you.’
~Ask.~
“Sooo... Where are we going again, and how long is it going to take?”
“Akatsuki’s hide out, and it shouldn’t be too much longer.” He replied smoothly. He was oh-so suave. Such a lady’s man, wasn’t he?
You resisted the urge to snicker. ‘There, satisfied?’
~Yes, for now. Hurry up!~
‘You hurry up, hag. Gods. Leave me alone to spoil myself and bloat like an ogre with the chocolate, okay?!’
She went quiet, which made you assume she was finally going to shut up. That is, until a loud ringing went off in your head, causing you to yelp and run around Itachi and Kisame in an off-circle. “I had crack and I don’t care! Kisame cracked crack and no one cares!” You sang completely off-tune.
The aforementioned nukenin grabbed you by your shirt and, in one swift motion, cracked you on the back of the neck, knocking you unconscious.
You slumped in his grip and he threw you over his shoulder like you were nothing. Itachi and Kisame continued on their walk without another word.
**
When you woke up, you found yourself on a cold, hard ground, your body twisted in ways you didn’t know was even possible, your head throbbing, and something was licking your shoulder.
“Hey, wake up, un,”
You twitched several times, your whole body wiggling like a noodle as realization dawned on you. “SOMETHING IS TOUCHING ME!” You screamed, launching up into a sitting position and knocking heads with whoever was licking you.
Wait... what?
While you whined like a child and rubbed your forehead, you stared blearily at the stranger. “Ow... what the fuck was that for, hm?” He grumbled, rubbing his own head with his hand.
Or was it a she?
You blinked the bleariness from your eyes, studying the blonde hair, the facial structure that you could see, and the so darling Akatsuki cloak that you just loved!
“...Oops. Sorry,” you grumbled, blinking at him. Yeah, it had to be a man. The voice was just too damn sexy and deep and an orgasm for the ears, and he had the facial structure of a man. “You okay?” You asked, poking him with your foot. He snorted and swatted your hand away. You puffed your cheeks out. “Fine then, be that way! See if I ever do your hair for you!”
Scoffing, you stood up after he did, dusting yourself off once you had a stable foothold. You looked around, noting the dark, bleak dreariness of the place. The lanterns made up for it somewhat, though. It was bright enough to get around, most definitely. “So, what the hell was licking me, who the hell are you, and where the hell am I?”
He glared at you and showed you his hands, “This is what touched you, I’m Deidara, and you’re at the Akatsuki hide out, un.”
You ignored his name and where you were at, your gaze fixated on his hand. Then you screamed like a little girl again and, out of nowhere, dove on top of him, sending him plummeting back to the ground with a thwump. “Marry me, blondie! Puh-leeeaase!” You sobbed.
“Get offa me, yeah!” He shouted furiously, trying to make you relinquish your hold on his body.
It wasn’t until Kisame came in a minute later, hearing screams of terror and declarations of love, to see what the commotion was. He figured you were awake, but he never once suspected you might try to attack Deidara.
He walked over casually, grabbing you by the back of your shirt and yanking you clean off of the blonde explosion expert, who was breathing heavily, trying to expand his lungs after you crushed them. He lifted you to eyelevel, staring you down, neither of you uttering a sound.
Then, grinning, you made a kissy face at him. “’Ja miss me?!”
And it was like that that the shark-man tossed you onto your butt again and scoffed, walking off. “Get up and get your act together, you have to see Rei-Dono in a few minutes.”
You whined and rubbed your butt gently.
“He is SO paying for my medical bills when I have to have butt-surgery...” You muttered grouchily.
Oh, nothing could be more thrilling that Akatsuki’s hide out, could it?