[Kai/Gazette] The End [16: Killing Loneliness]

The only thing Kai had done that day was sit by Natsumi's side. Everyone else had left, seeing that their friend really needed to be alone. Isolated. The other sign of life would be the sleeping Natsumi and plants. Occasionally, a nurse or doctor would come in to check up on Natsumi's condition. Prince Hyun and Van had visited Natsumi, dropping off flowers and leaving swiftly. Even they could read the aura.

Trembling, Kai gripped Natsumi's hand tighter. "Why? Why? Why is this always happening, Natsumi?" Tears blurred his vision. He didn't bother wiping them away. Just barely, he heard the door open.

"Uke-san, it's time for you to leave. Visiting hours are about to be over," Mizuki called. Kai shook his head, refusing.

"Can't I stay here? Please...please... Mizuki-chan... I'm begging you," he pleaded. Mizuki stood there frozen. Her hand still held the clipboard, but they fell to her side. Her head dropped and her gaze focused on the white tile floor.

"I understand... I'll see what I can do," Mizuki murmured, walking out the door. She closed it behind her and sobbed silently before retreating to the office--causing other nurses and doctors to stare. Meanwhile, Kai continued holding her hand.

"Wake up, Natsumi," Kai whispered, "everyone's waiting for you. I want to talk with you again. In a way, I want to start over..." The chances that she heard were slim, but Kai continued believing that she will, one day, awaken. Soon. "Leaving us aside, there is also your mother, your brother, and that Huang person... Didn't she want to see you again? I bet it doesn't matter if you brought a lover--just as long as you're happy, she's fine with it. Do you want to see her again? That mother..."

A doctor entered the room. It was the doctor who had passed Otani-sensei earlier that day when Otani-sensei was telling them about Natsumi. He scowled. "Oi. Hurry up and get out. Visiting hours are over. We gave you an extra 45 minutes, you know," he hissed. Kai glanced at the floor and sighed.

"Okay..." Kai muttered. He stood up, forcing the chair he sat in to fall back. He kissed Natsumi's forehead and left.

~*~

The next day, Kai came. The others had visited and left gifts before leaving him with Natsumi once more. Chocolates, flowers, cards, and even the rabbit she named Kou-chan. Uruha was somewhat disappointed that it wasn't named after him. Kai chuckled at the thought. I shouldn't be sad because you are no longer here, but instead I should be happy because of the times we spent together...but still, I am sad because I want to spend more time with you.

The door opened. Huang pushed in a woman in a wheel chair. An elderly woman dressed in hospital robes that didn't suit her at all. She seemed like a woman of much higher taste. She seemed like someone from elegance, aristocracy, and nobility. She spared Kai a mere glimpse before asking him, "Are you familiar with that girl?"

Kai wondered why that woman was here. His question was "are you familiar with Natsumi?" She caught sight of his expression and laughed. Kai looked away and squeezed Natsumi's hand tighter. "Yes, I am..." he answered.

"I am her mother," she said, "and who are you?"

Kai was caught off guard. He stammered out, "H-huh? Uh... U-Uke Yutaka." Natsumi's mother laughed. Kai smacked himself mentally. No wonder she looked like Queen Elizabeth...but probably with better teeth. Because back then...yeah... Kai was going insane. He wasn't even going back to how he used to be before Natsumi appeared. He was getting worse. He was becoming more clumsy, more depressed...

"Did you or do you love her?" the mother asked.

Again, Kai was caught off guard. He didn't expect that question. He couldn't answer with gibberish and nonsense like he did with his friends, so he had to try to form words. "W-well... I-I... I do," Kai answered. His face then flushed bright red, causing the mother to laugh again. "I haven't told her yet..."

The mother calmed down and sighed. "This girl... It's hard to tell important things to this girl because you are afraid of how she takes it. You can't hide things from her either. Maybe." At this time, she lost the confident and powerful air and was, instead, surrounded by the presence of a worried mother. She went from talking with Kai to Natsumi, "What is this? Natsumi, wake up soon. It pains me so much to see you so vunerable. I thought I raised you stronger than this!"

Kai was taken back. "Is it because...?"

Her mother smiled. "I thought she would be a wonderful queen one day if Hyun refuses the job, but I was wrong...she's not made out for the job and Hyun is honored to take it." Her mother shook hands with Kai. "Solace Hana. It's a pleasure to talk with you." Huang pulled Hana-san out of the room, leaving Kai in silence.

~*~

It was dark. It was cold. Nobody was there. Somehow, Natsumi felt strangely relaxed to the fact that no human was there. It was like having nothing to worry about. However, it was cold. She didn't like it at all. One would normally call this loneliness, but Natsumi didn't believe so. Natsumi believed that loneliness was the need of a friend. The girl in the past had gotten used to the fact that she had no company, no friends. During the winter, or when it rains, she had no one to share warmth with. That was being cold.

Natsumi hated being cold.

With a sigh, Natsumi sat down on the so-called "ground". In this void, she didn't know if there was a ground or a sky. She didn't know her up and down very well or her left and right. Everywhere she looked, it was the same. Shivering, she pulled her knees closer to her body and hugged them. She snapped her eyes shut. What good would it do though? I'm truly an idiot... Natsumi hissed.

It was as if she was stripped naked. Maybe she was. Here, in this darkness, every lie was exposed, every secret revealed.

Ding!

Even the sound of her teardrop sounded loud. It echoed throughout the area--as if it was taunting her. Natsumi whimpered. She was really cold. She didn't understand the meaning of loneliness because she was so numb to that word. It had no meaning to her. She had no friends or family. She had no companions. Unfortunately, she was really cold. There was no one to give her warmth.

"Even if I hug you, you still won't feel warm," Natsuko teased. Her arms snaked around Natsumi's body. "Is it because I'm an ice queen? I've killed so many in numerous ways... Are you sure this is the person you want to be?"

"Shut up," Natsumi grunted. A sudden need for a friend poured over her--a plea for a hero to come save her. Of course, as she expected, nobody came.

Natsuko laughed and played with Natsumi's blond hair. "Open your eyes. Don't you want to know what I look like?" Natsuko said. She was as pale as Natsumi and even resembled her, but Natsuko's hair was black and her eyes were red. Just looking at Natsuko made Natsumi regret her choice; she was forced to look at her past.

She was wet and nude. She sat at the bottom of the bathtub. The lukewarm water from the shower hit her body, washing away the fresh blood. The metallic smell stained the air. No matter how much air freshner you spray, you will never erase its trace.

She twirled the razorblade with her fingers. Slowly, she brought it to another part of her leg. With a grimace, she scarred herself once more. The blood trailed down her leg. She sighed in ecstasy. It was numb. A small rush. A small shock. A small pain. Nothing more. Nothing less.

That's what she had believed. Later, she realized that it was a symbol.

Depression.

How she despised that word. She had nothing to be depressed about. That's what she had thought. After studying psychology, she discovered the true meaning...

"Why are you doing this?" Natsumi asked. Rather, she demanded an answer. Natsuko shrugged.

"But aren't you happy? Here, in my territory, in your head, you can see me!" Natsuko chirped.

"Sensei..." Natsumi began. Dr. Shiroyama didn't look away from her work, but she replied with a simple "what" instead. "Will I ever get better?" Natsumi inquired.

Dr. Shiroyama dropped her pen, yet she smiled. Dr. Shiroyama stood up and hovered over Natsumi. Placing her hands on the younger girl's shoulder, she declared, "I'm sure that is up to you. The only way to get rid of the second personality is to take over completely. I'm sure of it."

"Hey... Natsumi-chan," Natsuko piped up, "are you going to get rid of me?"

Natsumi smirked. It was a tiny smirk, but a smirk nonetheless. "Are you kidding me? Are you really asking me that? You should know that I am."

Natsuko chuckled. "Aren't you confident? You were the one who made me in the first place." Natsumi scowled.

"Why? Why? Why is this always happening, Natsumi? Wake up, Natsumi, everyone's waiting for you. I want to talk with you again. In a way, I want to start over... Leaving us aside, there is also your mother, your brother, and that Huang person... Didn't she want to see you again? I bet it doesn't matter if you brought a lover--just as long as you're happy, she's fine with it. Do you want to see her again? That mother..."

"Ahhh... It's that drummer boy," Natsuko mused.

"Kai?" Natsumi mumbled. She buried her face within her arms. "What's that idiot going on about? I know that already. Heh. Whatever." She just wanted to know why she could hear his voice.

"What is this? Natsumi, wake up soon. It pains me so much to see you so vunerable. I thought I raised you stronger than this!"

Natsumi lifted her head up. "That voice... Mother?"

"Bingo~!" Natsuko chimed.

Moments passed and the darkness seemed to become brighter. By now, it resembled a small village. Natsumi always found herself wandering through the streets, led by a black puppy. That puppy would get lost here and there. When it sat down, Natsumi sat down beside it. Sometimes, Natsuko would appear and the puppy would hop in front of Natsumi--as if to protect her. At those times, Natsuko would snap her fingers, bringing Natsumi away from the dream world, and into the dark void. There Natsumi would review her past over and over again or hear voices.

It was mostly Kai.

Killing loneliness... Natsumi pondered, Is that what one would call this?

Natsumi still wanted to leave. She wanted to wake up. She knew she was in a coma... Why couldn't she wake up?

"Why do you want to wake up?" Natsuko asked. The question was direct and straight-to-the-point.

"Because... My friends are out there, I still have to see Mother, and... Kai... I haven't told him yet," Natsumi answered. She grinned. "Plus, I'd stop hearing him talk like this. It's making me feel like shit."

~*~

Aoi wanted to leave behind a note saying to cook dinner again for Natsumi. She was a better cook than he had originally thought. Though he didn't trust her much with the knives--at first--he became much more infatuated with her food. It was better than Kai's for sure. Even Reita agreed on that.

Aoi opened the door just in time. Mizuki held a scapel in her hands and was shaking uncontrollably. Aoi glared at her and grabbed her hand. Reita moved her away from the bed as Ruki searched Natsumi for any wounds. Uruha was guarding the door, making sure someone--especially Kai--won't come their way. They had arrived before Kai, who came promptly at 3:45. It was 3:40.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" Aoi hissed at her. He lost his temper. Mizuki burst into tears.

"Sorry... Sorry..."

"Don't apologize to us, you bitch," Reita snapped. Reita wasn't usually like this. He rarely got mad. It was pranks on Kai and cool/calm. "Apologize to Natsumi."

Ruki pulled the covers over Natsumi and sighed in relief. "Thank God we came in time... Nothing's wrong with her," Ruki stated.

Uruha opened the door. "Leave. Now. You're lucky we didn't get the cops to arrest you on attempting murder; you're lucky that Kai didn't come at this time, too," Uruha reminded. Mizuki nodded and left. He slammed the door shut. Running his hand through his hair, he sighed. "Well then..."

Reita plopped down into a chair. "Why are girls like that?"

After placing the note on the stand nearby, Aoi shrugged and opened up a window. "Who knows? Jealousy is a scary thing, isn't it?" He reached into his pockets...

"Don't smoke in here please, Aoi-kun," Kai said, "the smoking lounge is downstairs." Aoi rolled his eyes.

"That's not what I was trying to find, Kai," Aoi remarked. He found it. Her key. He glanced at the clock. "You're early. What is this? The fourth day?"

"Sixth," Kai answered, "the week will be over soon and she still hasn't visited her mother."

Ruki stared at Natsumi. "Why do you care so much? That mother harmed Natsumi!" Ruki recalled.

Kai sat down on the bed beside Natsumi's feet. "I can't help but think," Kai stated, "that there's a reason for that... There's a reason for everything..."