I stared at the blue summer sky. Orochimaru would be upset I wandered again, but I don’t care, he doesn’t matter. What matters… what do I really live for? Do I live for Itachi, do I live to kill him, see him fall? I don’t live for myself. So I must live for Itachi. He was, he is, my sweet killer. He taught me everything that I know. He taught me feelings. Pain. Hate. Need. Loneliness. Hunger. Love. He’d kiss me so softly and I was too young to know. When I got older I decided I didn’t care. I loved him, more then what we were supposed to feel. So what if he was my brother? He told me he loved me and he kissed my hair and it was enough for me then. Mother and Father thought it was so cute that we were so close. They didn’t know when no one was around he’d take me in his arms and he’d kiss me and I’d moan his name. He was everything to me. I’d envy he was so beautiful with his deep black eyes and I was a wilted flower in his wake. When asked if I loved him, I’d lie. I’d scoff, “He killed my clan!” I love him I love him. He was the Moon, so beautiful and far away. A mystery. “Do you love me Itachi…” So many petals picked off, so many days spent thinking of him. Thinking won’t save me. I can’t deny I’m dying. I was never living. I was dying to be better then everyone. I was dying when my parents and family were killed. I was dying to forget Itachi and move on. I was dying to be with him when he kissed me and he said he loved me and I’d gaze into his blue eyes. The next morning it would be like nothing happened. We'd exchange knowing glanced and fiery blushes. Itachi was still dominant in my life, cursing me to be a hollow, unloving creature of the night with my hollow eyes and grim face and foul mouth. No. This isn’t my life. Everyone else controls it, shaped and set to what they want. I have to live up to what they want. What about me? “Sasuke is so perfect,” people gossip. “He’s so mature.” I hate it when they talk like I’m not there. I want to be treated like someone. He gave that to me. He gave me everything. Sweet, darling, my Naruto. “I love you Naruto,” the words fall off my lips and I savor it. His name tastes like summer, like love. It is sweet and gives me warmth and hope. I want his arms around me again. I want him to say he loves me one last time. Just once. I want to see his face. Naruto is stronger then me. He is capable of healing, loving, fighting, anything. Without him with me, I feel so alone. I’m empty. When he is with me, he fills me with emotion. He makes me laugh. Thinking of him now, my heart aches. A tear slips and cascades down my cheek. Have you given up on me, love? Do you still love me, do you think about me? Naruto, honey, I admit it. You were my love, my life, my joy, my pain, my everything. The sky mirrors your eyes. They were a mystery, always changing. The familiar happiness, determination and hope, which were what everyone, saw. When you were with me, there was sadness, anger, hurt, but the determination flickered brightly, like a fire that can't be destroyed. When we lay together in the night, your eyes would be filled with love. This is why I love you, my mystery. I miss you. I’d gladly go back to the Leaf for you. But I won’t. You’ve worked so hard to gain acceptance, and being with me is wrong. I can’t be with you. I was afraid. Afraid I would destroy everything you worked for. You make me tremble, make me cry and scream and laugh. You made me feel whole ever since Itachi left me, left to cry over that last kiss, those last words. “I love you, Sasuke.” If you loved me Itachi why did you leave me? Why do I still love you? Naruto, you were always by my side. You took my hands and kissed them, swearing you'd never leave me and I’d swoon like a fan girl. If asked if I love him, I’d blush and look away. No denial. My heart beats fast, crazy, for them. Itachi. Naruto. My loves, my sweethearts, my lives. So whom do I live for, whom do I love?
It’s a mystery…
