Akatsuki.Council's Journal

Dear illiterate Quizillians,
I've been searching for a story that doesn't leave me with a bitter aftertaste and the urge to spork it. As you know, that has always been a fruitless search, and more often than not, your name ends up on the e-Akatsuki Inquisition. I get my lulz, but still no story. Obviously, anything besides flaming/sporking on Quizilla! is a waste of time.

Here's where you get the chance to prove me wrong.

I want you to send me your best creation. It doesn't have to be on a particular subject, nor do I have specific rules about content. All I want is some good writing.

Hold it right there...

Don't go imagining your shit-drivel is good writing just yet. Although I'm loose on content, I'm quite strict on style. Here are a few things to keep in mind before you send me whatever you crapped out and tried to pass off as a story.

Submitting Fan-fiction: Guidelines

--Do not dance around the canon to make your story work. If the canon isn't perfectly respected, don't submit.

--There's a 99.9% chance your OC is a Mary Sue. Don't send me Sues. I will spork you.

--If your title was ripped off from your favorite emo song, don't submit.

--If I sporked your friend and you thought that friend was a good writer, don't submit.

--If you are on the HR or MP and/or enjoy the drivel that's on it, don't submit.

--If there are no strong descriptions or style elements in your story, don't submit.

--If you can't pinpoint the themes of your story, and explain how you conveyed them, don't submit.

--If you are annoyingly verbose or if your drivel's written in purple prose, don't submit.

--If the emotions and actions of your characters are plot-driven, don't submit.

If you think you can follow these guidelines, then I would be more than happy to read and review your fan-fiction (and original stories, too). If you have potential as a writer, your name will be listed in our Index of Good Quizilla Writers, where Quizillians will be invited to read and discuss your work.

You will receive feedback on your work from the members of e-Akatsuki whether you make the list or not. If you're up for reviews, I welcome you to submit.

As for you lucky few who will make the list, I can guarantee there is great satisfaction in being recognized by the toughest critiquing organization on Quizilla.

Send me your best.

Thank you,
Akatsuki-Council

Dear illiterate Quizillians,
We have recently noticed the growing amount of "lists" made by users in order to direct hatred towards us and people who share our opinions.

Well, e-Akatsuki has a list, too.

However, the list you will find here is not a list of hatred. It is a list of Quizilla users that do not deserve the title of writer, and that should look into improving their work.

Here it is, our index of poor Quizilla writers:

-Theweirdsisters-: Not making Blaise a rapist--a few IQ points. Realizing Draco isn't emo--some common sense. Dividing paragraphs properly--priceless! For everything else, there's this piece of crap.

123xshadowxangelx123: Draco Malfoy loves the Sue. And this Sue also happens to be the proud sponsor of OOCness and bad grammar--aren't they all?

AlmostLegalJollyRogeress: Her quasi-insulting misconceptions about schizophrenia are only overshadowed by the legal faux-pas she made writing Anne Rice fanfiction.

Aluval99: Constant run-on sentences. Suethor. The introduction to her Naruto story is enough to keep us nauseous for weeks.

Animic: A horror story for all good Harry Potter fanfic authors. Inability to improve after criticism.

AnneHalliwell: This cliche exchange student at Hogwarts story would surely leave the Norwegian embassy with weeks of damage control.

Awkwardfriend: Her story embodies two of the most overused ideas on this site: emos and arranged marriages. This kills any hope for substantial themes.

Blondebabe698: Claims to be the hottest thing ever. Unfortunately, this girl only humiliates herself further with her writing.

bonbonz94: Nothing good could come out of that Sasuke story. Nothing.

BlueXFireXUchiha: Migraine-inducing stories. Bound to attract a lawsuit from the bands whose songs were ripped off and used as poorly-chosen titles.

BrightenStar: Never have we seen such Mary Sue characters in a story. Masashi Kishimoto should sue for such a blatant trashing of his story.

CalypsosPrison: Even the complete disregard for proper grammar can't begin to illustrate how this piece of crap matches the stylistic achievement of a seven year old.

Cutielov224: No matter how much you try to make sense of this garbage, you will still be left with the bitter aftertaste of one too many cliches and downright awful writing.

DarkXSnowXBird: The emo genre at its worst. Her attempts to stir an emotion in her readers fail more than a daytime soap opera.

Deidara-Stalker408: I have no idea where this shit-ficcer stalks Deidara, but she certainly never took a gander at the Naruto canon.

DracoFanitic: Never judge a person by their Internet handle--except in this case. The rest of the story is just as poorly spelled, and the plot is just as ridiculous.

Eatmorebananas: A horrid string of cliche backed up by her inability to conjugate a verb properly.

Fate-x: The worst of the worst. Arrogant Suethor who violated the Naruto canon so badly it was never the same again.

foxygsd: This user's creations list is literature's dumpster--heaps upon heaps of fuming garbage.

FreeNightFall: There's tripe, and there's illegal tripe. I'm afraid these stories fall in the latter category. FreeNightFall--proud sponsor of the Let's Get Anne Rice to Sue Quizilla campaign.

fulhamgurl: This Daniel Radcliffe story has all the usual fixings of bad fanfic: OOC-ness, a Sue, bad grammar. Textual manure.

Gothikarose: This second-rate characterization of Lestat fits in perfectly with the second-rate prose in which it is presented. More illegal tripe.

Guildhallgirl88: I don't know what should be more illegal: Not being able to structure a sentence properly or simply ignoring the wishes of Anne Rice?

harryhottie159: So poorly written one could receive a Darwin Award simply for clicking the link.

hellsangelofdarkness2005: A carbon copy of Fate-x. Practically a plagiarizer.

hyuugachic: Her writing can be summarized by four memorable words: "ya ok lord hokage."

hyuuganeji360: In this story, you can catch Neji sporting a wifebeater and some jeans. The author is one trailer short of a white-trash Neji love story.

ImaPreppyRebel: More Stockholm Syndrome nonsense. Vapid plotline, no deeper themes, poor characterization.

KataraUchiha: A story about a Dragon!Sue, wings, and an incestuous Uchiha Itachi. Is this legal?

kikASSbabe: Another day, another Sue. I pity Draco Malfoy. I really do. Perhaps this Sue-Smiter should practice what she's trying to preach.

KIT-KAT102: If the fact that her username is all in caps bothers you, do not venture near her story. Oh, yes. CAPS! A story for the visually--and intellectually--impaired.

KittehxKat: Her stories have no structure, no flow, no substance. Too much time spent spamming, not enough working on her writing.

Ladiix3: Not enough originality to write something without copying the pervasive arranged marriage idea. Disgusting.

Liones1994: The story speaks for itself. Ugh.

loveme4eva69: If you think the username is foreshadowing the garbage in the creations list. Well, you're right.

nasty4904: Mary Sue is back with a vengeance. Perhaps this pansy, OOC version of Draco will survive, but the reader sure won't.

ochpd9: Even on an acid trip, no sensible person could stomach this kind of drivel. Please, God, let this crap be a parody.

Potatoesr2good4u: English droppings: everything the English language doesn't want.

Saddness6060: In need of an intense writing course.

Sakura-chan88: I would write a constructive comment here if I hadn't gouged my eyes out during the reading.

Sarai09: Needs to work on paragraph structure, general grammar, and needs to drop the stupid Stockholm Syndrome idea.

shainabobaina: When it comes to publishing garbage, it's certainly not Draco making her do it.

ShinseiTenshi: Keyboard excrements the user is trying to pass off as a story. Even on drugs, Lohan would object to the use of her name in this tripe.

Skitzogemini: Rip-off ideas and a choppy style. Get a critique from WAMM at your own risks.

Slytherinboys: Unable to do something as simple as paragraph. Eyesore.

Squirrely91: No consideration for the work of the original author or the English language.

Stumbellina: Bad writing and attention-whoring rants are a scary combination.

ThErOaDneEvErEnDs: Uh-oh, Spaghettio! Anne Rice fanfiction is punishable by law. No, really. Law. She should delete this garbage before she faces a lawsuit. Anne Rice sues. A lot.

xbeautifulxsunsetx: This story is the perfect example of why people should always type in a word processor. Rowling would have a seizure.

xXDemon.Kitsune.HatakeXx: This Mary Sue takes it out on Itachi. The result is quite distasteful. And the roleplay format should be saved for IM, not formal writing.

XxTaytayMisfitxX: I'm afraid the words Avenged Sevenfold hardly represent the situation with this story. Perhaps Violated Sevenfold would have been more appropriate.

xXxsOoCuTexXx: Another Suethor. Read at your own risk. Might induce some severe vomitting.

This list will get much longer when other names come to mind. However, if you are reading this, you surely belong in our index.

Thank you,
Akatsuki-Council

Dear illiterate Quizillians,
I'm baaaack. So are all the old members--the ones that matter, anyway. I'm sure you've seen the public--and pathetic--attempt at a coup from a faction of idiots that managed to infiltrate our great organization. Some things just can't be helped, I guess. Just know that from this point on, their names, as well as the Dark Ages they brought with them, are taboo.

What does that mean? It's back to the basics. The e-Akatsuki organization is going back to its roots: journal tro--story critics!

Fun stuff:

--The GWI and BWI will be back this week. The full, integral versions. I know you missed them.

--More sporks on the ea_inquisition. Make sure to keep up. You just might be my next victim.

--Contests and troll!fics--because I love to humor you morons.

--Critiques. What was up with that lemon-reporting shit? Personally, I don't give a damn. The bigger issue is that none of you gits can produce a decent story. Let's tackle it.

The e-Akatsuki is here to stay.

Thank you,
Akatsuki-Council