AlleywayOFdifference's Journal

Yeah, sucks, hunh?
MY BOYFRIEND FUCKING DUMPED ME!!! I am very upset...as in eating peanut butter all day long. Too bad we're out.
Everyone says there's another reason behind this breakup. Now guys, I'm not stupid. I KNOW there's another reason. I also KNOW the reason itself.

It's because I AM weird. I'm a freak, sue me for being a fucking individual while the rest of the morons continue in their death marches towards never-ending greyness and similarity. I scare a lot of people on a daily basis, so this is nothing new.
Now here's the kicker.
Was "I love you." a lie?

I got my friend's old iPod shuffle!! It's one of those really odd long ones, but at least it's better than scratched CDs, or nothing at all.
I is very excited. Does anyone else own any apple products?

Okay, so you guys know how there's this guy? "Sam" I called him?

Yeah, well, guess what's up! Let's get started here, shall we?

The other day, I talked with him, HE DID NOT SAY I LOVE YOU, TOO when I said I loved him. All he said was. "Yes. I do." I was still dissapointed, because I wasn't sure...and then he held my hand. (Victory!)

After that, though, we had an assembly then next day. He sat next to me, which I thought was a good sign. Usually we both sit next to each other when see movies in class, or at assemblies or something, and both of us, never pay attention to whatever the person is talking about, or whatever the movie is. We kind of make a habit of having our shoulders touching. We never really pay attention to it, because we kind of do it unconciously. And when I touched my shoulder to his at the assembly we had the other day, he shrugged away. Life sucks sometimes.

But, yesterday he did sit at the same lunch table as me....

I'm completely a teenage girl when it comes to guys....I'm a freak. HUGS!

"Sun" by Daphne Loves Derby I’m desperate to know how you are

I hope you’re deep asleep

I’ve been awake for days

I’m trying to study every inch of your body

In this picture

From a distant state

When I could safely sing

Nothing in this world could tell me down it anyway

But like a dream you disappeared

Without a sound

Without a trace

Sleep well darling

Wherever you are I hope that you’re happy tonight

And maybe you’ll find someone who’ll love you right

Sleep well darling

I’m desperate to say now I need you more than ever

But all I could say was goodnight

This is for a girl back home

She tore down all my walls

Left me for all she had known

But I pushed it all away from me

And no, no

Even if I knew

Even if I knew what to say to you

It’s just to late to make you stay

I’m sick of fighting this broken phase

And someone else gets to tell you that you’re beautiful

Sleep well darling

Wherever you are I hope that you’re happy tonight

And maybe you’ll find someone who’ll love you right

Sleep well darling

I’m desperate to say now I need you more than ever

But all I could say was goodnight

It’s the last thing I want but it’s all that I got

It’s the last thing I need but I still carry you in my heart.

In my heart

It’s the last thing I want but it’s all that I got

It’s the last thing I need but I still carry you in my heart.

In my heart

Sleep well darling

Wherever you are I hope that you’re happy tonight

And maybe you’ll find someone who’ll love you right

Sleep well darling

I’m desperate to say now I need you more than ever

But all I could say was goodnight

Okay, well, there's this guy....

Gimme a common name here....ummm...Sam! That's a common name, right? Okay, well, this guy, Sam, is umm...Wow. How do I say this?

It's difficult. Shall I start from the beginning? Yes? Alright, then.

Okay, so, Me and this guy, Sam, were boyfriend and girlfriend last year...and when we were, we loved each other to death, you follow? So you can imagine how crushed I'd been when I saw him through a window one day. He was outside, climbing this big tree, and he was all smiley. It killed me, because whenever I was around him, he went monotone, agreed to everything I said, and I was the one who made him laugh. Supposed to be vice-versa, don't you think?

Well anyway, he and his family went on a trip across the country over the summer, so I had no one to talk to. I was alone with my soul and my annoying thoughts.

I got to thinking...was it me who made him feel all dead when he was around me? (That's right, I'm so slow, it took me that long to figure that out.) I didn't want to admit it was my fault, though I knew it was. After a while, I decided it would be better for him if he was more like he had been when I was watching him.

So...I convinced myself to stop loving him during those long summer months.

Right before school started, I broke up with him, not loving him like I had trained myself to.

Everyone said he was crushed, and we didn't speak for a while.

Now, we're both back in school, and all we've ever been after that was friends, right?

So, what's the problem, you ask?

He's in a few of my classes, and I was talking to him about a month back...and he was smiley again. Though I had trained myself to feel numb to emotions, all I could feel was a need.

I wanted him again.

I am an all-too selfish creature.

I spent that night thinking about the pros and cons, the dos and don'ts. The only conclusion I could come to was that I still wanted him.

He hangs out with someone I don't favour very much a lot. That made me a bit uncomfortable for a while. I set it aside, thinking only of myself. (I know, I suck.)

I asked him out again, and we're going out now...but here's when the problem comes in.

I'm not sure where his loyalties lie; If he likes me, or the someone I have a few hard feelings against. I heard somewhere through the grapevine that he told that someone that he "Didn't want to screw up again." That can be interpreted in more than one way.

But he barely ever speaks to me...I know he doesn't love me anymore.

I know I have no right to feel crushed, because I'm the one who did it.

So then why do I feel this way?

Does anyone here have a dollwizard? I'm in desperate need of friends there...and I was just wondering...

http://www.dollwizard.com

Yeah, it's a forum site, but you can roleplay. My username is ShakespeareanTOTSnSpices...someone get a dollwizard and befriend me!!!

Okay, everyone! Let's celebrate! I am the only student in my grade who got a perfect score on my Narrative Paragraph Project!! WHOOO!!

We had to read Guy De Maupassant's story, The Necklace...

Plot summary "The Necklace" tells the story of a nineteenth-century middle class French couple, Monsieur and Madame Mathilde Loisel. Monsieur Loisel is a clerk in the ministry of public information. Madame Loisel is a beautiful young lady, who might have been married to a richer man if her family wasn't poor. Monsieur Loisel is invited to a distinguished party, and wishes to take his wife with him. Madame Loisel, however, is hesitant to attend, complaining that "there's nothing so humiliating as looking poor in the middle of a lot of rich women." In addition to acquiring a new dress, at her husband's suggestion she borrows a diamond necklace from her friend, Madame Jeanne Forestier, and attends the party. She is the wonder of the night, and all the men wish to dance with her. Disastrously, Madame Loisel somehow loses the necklace during the evening.

Monsieur and Madame Loisel decide they must buy an identical diamond necklace from the 'Palais Royal' as a replacement for Madame Forestier's. Unable to bear the shame of this, they do not inform Madame Forestier of the change and spend the next ten years of their lives paying off the debts, which costs them about thirty-six thousand francs, a fortune at the time. Both Monsieur and Madame Loisel are forced to take on extra jobs and live in abject poverty. At the end of the ten years, Madame Loisel, now older, tougher and less graceful from years of hard manual labor, has an opportunity to tell her old friend of the lost necklace. Madame Forestier is shocked and informs Madame Loisel that her original necklace was, in fact, an imitation "....worth at the very most five hundred francs!"

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Necklace

And this was my special little ending...

Mathilde was fuming…and crying. Why had she made the foolish mistake of not telling her friend she had lost the necklace originally? Why had she not clarified that-or anything at all- with her old friend before going to the ball? When Mme. Forestier saw the tiniest of teardrops crawling down Mme. Loisel’s cheek, she released her hands, in exchange for her shoulders. She embraced her friend, comforting her through her time of need. “We worked so hard…” Mathilde sobbed. If only she had three wishes, she could take everything back, rewind, and set things right. She wished she had never used her husband’s precious money, though he offered it generously. She should have, could have as well, stayed at her old friend’s house to chat, since she hadn’t seen her for many years. She wished she could take back the necklace that had caused her such pain and suffering, up to now, which was when all the good she had in life finally came to an end. There was a moment of silence, as Mathilde had dried her eyes, still in the arms of Mme. Forestier.

“Would you like it?” she asked, in a near whisper.

“Like-like what?” Mathilde blubbered, pathetically.

“The Necklace you borrowed so long ago. Would you like to keep it?” Mme. Forestier, once again, took Mme. Loisel’s hands. She hadn’t worn the necklace since Mathilde returned it.

Mme. Loisel smiled, all traces of pain gone, her puffy eyes being the one exception.

“Yes,” she rejoiced. “Yes, I’d like that very much!” The need to travel back in time was gone, for all Mathilde Loisel needed, forever on, was what the future, a bold beam of light, would hold for her and her beloved husband.

I GOT A HIGH SCORE!!!! YESS!!!!!

One of my friends that I hadn't seen for a long time called, so I was all excited, and therefore ran into the living room. I slammed by foot into the squared leg of the coffee table...and now my toe is broken. It's pure stupidity. What do you guys think?

Okay...let's get started here...

I've got a new story called Cross On The Warpath, (Based on a new kid at my school...BUT ANYWHO...!), And it's great! I've never done a better story!!! But...here's the clincher...

It's on my old and decrepit computer in my room, therefore I have to retype it ALL onto my laptop, just by sight.

I'm gonna be really tired when all this ends!! *teehee*

If you'd like to find out the storyline, or some other little tidbit, you can either message me, or Email Me...

LOVE YOU ALL!

Dawn.

I threw open the curtains to my small room, to reveal the faint shine that raced through the trees and into my heart.

I’ve lived every day of my existence so far, for this one moment; the day beginning my new life.

Though I’ve trained for years for this light, I had no clue it would feel like this.

I marched to my cupboard closet, to find my bag that had already been packed five days before, myself being over enthusiastic.

You Likes? It's the beginning of my very first Naruto Fanfiction, and I'm working Mad overtime for it....Any suggestions for a title? I'm all ears...

PS: the Main Character's name is Karma...'Nuff said.

Hiya! Some of you may have noticed that I was mysteriously deleted from existence for months...It was summer vacation. That's my easy excuse...My school took away our laptops for the three months, and NOW I'M BACK!!! Don't forget to check out my new story, Cross on the Warpath!