BreakingtheHabitLPfan's profile

Latest Journal Entry

April 12, 2006

Ranting About Myself

I'm starting to get really irritated with my life. Seriously. Since i can't do anything cause i can barely walk, i'm stuck in this fucking house all day long. Either that, or i'm out with my mom, holding on to those shopping carts for dear life, cause i can barely stand on my own.

For those of you who know what my situation is (I wrote a journal entry about it a while back), no, my legs still haven't recovered. Obviously, heh. I'm still going back and forth from doctor to doctor, and it really sucks. I keep telling myself i could have it a whole lot worse. Hell, that's been my motto ever since i was a kid, and had crazy medical problems (I have A LOT of them). But lately, it's starting to really get to me.

Why is it that i can't just be normal? Why can't anything EVER go right? Why is it SO ABNORMAL for me to be an average eighteen year old chick, who is still CAPABLE of going to school, who is capable of having a normal, teenage life, who is capable of going places with out having a fucked up limp? Why does my life ALWAYS have to have some messed up issues? I mean, i never used to have a problem with my medical shit. It was NORMAL for me. I accepted it, and that was all. But now, it's just one doctor after another, one diagnosis after another, and i'm stuck wondering when the hell the list will end.

I feel like i'm going to freak out. I mean, no eighteen year old, HEALTHY girl stays home ALL FUCKING DAY LONG. I can't even get a fucking JOB cause no one's going to hire someone who may as well be a temporary cripple!

You know, i just remembered something. My doctor said something to my mom about depression, and to like, watch out for it. I hope this isn't turning into that again. That's just gonna suck major ass.

*sigh* Sorry, i had to let this out somewhere. It's been eating away at me for a while now. I know i'm prolly sort of out of line, cause there are those people out there that have it SO much worse off than i do. I keep telling myself that everyday. But, that knowledge isn't going to make me feel any better.

*sigh* Anyway.

I've been writing stuff for 'Nimrod', on my other account. No, that doesn't mean a new post. But a new one is coming.

:)

By the way, i posted a memo about messaging. The number of messages in my listing has gotten insane, and i can't respond to them all before getting a crazy new batch. You know that i respond to every single thing you have sent me, except for chain letters and two worded stuff like, 'you're welcome'. But i'm no magician. I can't respond to that many messages right now. I decided to write all night yesterday, instead of spend it responding to messages, and that was a huge mistake, haha. So please, give me a week before sending a message, or replying to any of the messages i replied to you. Thanks!


~*Sibel

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