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Latest Journal Entry

September 5, 2009

If I Owe You, Oh Well. Paranormal Interest Anyone?

FOR THOSE OF YOU THAT ARE INTERESTED IN THE PARANORMAL, SCROLL DOWN!

DISCLAIMER:

MY ICON ISBY MLCAMARO ON DEVIANTART.COM !

IF YOU LIKE THE PICTURE, FAVORITE IT HERE ON DEVIANTART: http://mlcamaro.deviantart.com/art/Michael-Jackson-2-91446641

AGAIN: I DO NOT OWN THIS PICTURE, CAMARO DREW IT, AND THEY GET THE CREDIT FOR IT! IT'S ALL THEIRS!

I'd like to apologize before-hand to readers, and to those that I said I'd do banners for and such. But TECPS has taken the majority of my time, and I'm working my arse off with it.. And I'm dealing with things personally that are starting to take their toll on me. Right now what I need is to get away from any kind of work or people, and just be alone.. I don't have Mal here to comfort me anymore. I'm on my own again, and I think I need to talk to God about what I'm going to do now as a way of comforting. My Bible helps, but the problem is that just things tug and tug at me, and I feel like I need something more... Tangible, for the comfort that I don't get from my Bible.. I got into a conversation earlier today wit my brother, and it just really really got to me. And it's like that's what pushed me off the side. From the looks of things, I'm the only one truly dedicated. My mother says she worries that it will become too big a part in my life. But I need something right now to take Mal's place.

It's depressing to talk about, but I think I'll talk with her about it tomorrow. (or later considering it's 2:15 a.m) I dunno what it is now, really... I just have these spells where I get really upset from time to time. I'm unstable and upset. Physically, mentally, emotionally, even spiritually I feel that I'm slipping and need to fix it. It's just... I don't know. It's tough to deal with. Everything is working against me. In a lot of things. Age is a big issue for me no matter what I do. My gender can be a problem from time to time as well. Being my age, and having gifts that I believe God gave me, not a demon as my brother seems to believe. In essence, my brother is pointing out that I have a demon within me, and am not Christian... I should've expected as much from him. I'm sure he already knows by now that when it comes to it in a professional aspect, he'll be removed from the team as soon as I have someone to replace him. We need people with a PASSION for the paranormal. Not just "an interest" or whatever. I have a major passion for it. And yes, it's a big part of what I do. And almost all I do anymore. Because I need a distraction. I think my mother needs to know that that's why I'm working so much. I need a distraction that I can enjoy. So that I won't focus or think about losing my best friend.

I don't think she knows how tough it's really been on me. She doesn't know how close Mal and I are... Were.. For those that don't know the story, he and I became best friends a couple years back after my sister introduced us. Then, last year in late September, we ended up confessing feelings we had towards each other. Now I don't know if I can say that our anniversary in September 23rd (we weren't paying attention to the date at the time, we were a little busy crying. Heh.. So we decided on the 23rd. Something stuck out about it) . His internet got shut off.. Two months ago. And he sent me a letter like 2 weeks or something after that. Then I went away for over 2 weeks. To keep my mind off of things. I got the letter while I was packing to leave later on in the day. I wrote him a letter back, but it's been like a month since he sent his. I've been busy, and I don't know. It's like I'm facing the fact that right now, he's out of my life.

Heh. I'm quoting MJ often tonight. That's like what? The fourth or fifth time? Well, anyway. I'm trying not to be too personal, guys. All I can say is that I won't be doing anything aside from reading from now on. I'll post another journal when I'm feeling better. My body is acting so weird lately, and it's scaring me. And I'm just drained in every possible way. And all I want is to curl up with my laptop, and voice chat with my boyfriend... If I can still call him that, anyway.. I miss him a lot, guys. And I just feel worse and worse the closer September 23rd gets. He's not gonna be here, I know he won't. I've adjusted to life without him. Empty, much like before. Which is why I replace it with my love for TECPS, and the paranormal. I understand my mother's worry, but I'll talk to her about it.

SO, FOR THOSE OF YOU THAT ARE INTERESTED IN THE PARANORMAL (more spirit-wise than anything, it's what we investigate) YOU CAN CHECK OUR PAGES! WE'RE THE EAST COAST PARANORMAL SOCIETY OF ROCKY MOUNT, NC!

MAIN WEBSITE: http://www.tecps.webs.com

FACEBOOK: http://www.facebook.com/home.php?#/pages/Rocky-Mount-NC/The-East-Coast-Paranormal-Society/109951893038

DEVIANTART: http://www.tecps.deviantart.com

Contact information for TECPS of RM can be found on all sites. Find it directly on the Facebook. You can find us on MapQuest as well (just keep in mind that meetings MUST be called and set up before hand. We operate from our home)

Mailing address and phone number can be found on the Facebook page. Contact information on DeviantART and main website can be found at the top of each page. The banners at the top of each page on the main website. Very hard to miss. Hard to miss it on DeviantART as well, but there is a section with all caps at the top of each journal. That leads to the same place the banners on the main site do.

Email: TheEastCoastParanormalSociety@live.com

Tired of injustice. Tired of the schemes. These lies are disgustin'
So what does this mean? Kicking me down.. I've got to get up.
As jacked as it sounds: The whole system sucks!

Peek in the shadow. Come into the light.
You tell me I'm wrong, then you better prove you're right!
You're sellin out souls, but I care about mine.
I've got to get stronger, and I won't give up the fight!

With such illusions, don't it make you wanna scream?!
You're bash, abusin', victimize, within the scheme.
You try to cope with every lie they scrutinize.

Somebody please have mercy, 'cause I just can't take it!
Stop pressurin' me. Just stop pressurin' me! Stop pressurin' me!
Make me wanna scream! Stop pressurin' me. Just stop pressurin' me!
Stop pressurin' me! Make me wanna scream!

Tired of you tellin the story your way. You're causin' confusion.
You think it's okay, damn it!

You keep changin' the rules, while I keep playin' the game.
I can't take it much longer. I think I might go insane!

With such confusions, don't it make you wanna scream?!
You're bash, abusin', victimize, within the scheme.
You find your pleasure scandalizin' every lie..

Oh, Father, please have mercy! 'Cause I just can't take it!
Stop pressurin' me. Just stop pressurin' me! Stop pressurin' me!
Make me wanna scream! Stop pressurin' me. Just stop pressurin' me!
Stop f***in' with me! Make me wanna scream!

"Oh my god, can't believe what I saw as I turned on the TV
This evening, I was disgusted by all the injustice.."

With such illusions, don't it make you wanna scream?!
You're bash, abusin', victimize, within the scheme.
You try to cope with every lie they scrutinize.
Oh, brother, please have mercy! 'Cause I just can't take it!

Stop pressurin' me. Just stop pressurin' me! Stop pressurin' me!
Make me wanna scream! Stop pressurin' me. Just stop pressurin' me!
Stop pressurin' me! Make me wanna scream! Stop pressurin' me.
Just stop pressurin' me! Stop pressurin' me!Make me wanna scream!
Stop pressurin' me. Just stop pressurin' me!Stop pressurin' me!
Make me wanna scream!

Stop your pressure!!!

~Scream by Michael Jackson and Janet Jackson

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