Flirtingxwithxdisaster's profile

Latest Journal Entry

January 3, 2007

Look at the mess we made tonight.

I don’t know how to start this. I'm going to just let this all out. I don’t know how many times I've cried over this. I cried at school, at a restaurant, in the privacy of my own room. I don’t like telling people my situation a whole lot because I don’t want people to think I'm stupid and cant do anything. Basically I am in deep shit with school. Now, it's not any normal situation. In the school year 2004-2005 I was going into the 7th grade. That year I did horribly. So it resulted in failing. I thought "Hey, why not go to school online." So that’s what I did. I had the two 7th grade classes that failed [Math, and something else.] and all my 8th grade classes. Did I do well? Absolutely not. So I went back to public school, back to the 8th grade. That’s where I'm at right now, and I have one 7th grade class. Math. My worst class of all. The one I'm failing. I am 15 and still with all the 12, 13 year olds. [Not that you guys are bad] I am in danger of failing again, and all because of one stupid class. Math. I can't pass 7th grade math. How pathetic am I? I'm not stupid. Really. That's the only class that’s keeping me in the position I'm in. I'm passing all my other classes. Except that one. I fucking hate my counselor. She keeps telling me that if I don’t pass, I have repeat again. I KNOW WHAT GOING TO HAPPEN. LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE. They offer tutorial. I've gone before, but it doesn’t help me. My friend days I should ask for help. I know what their going to say. "Go to tutorial. My stupid math teacher doesn't explain it very good. So I get totally lost. And all the kids are stupid and think I'm the biggest freak in the world. I said "For my sanity, please stop" once because this girl was banging her pencil on the desk and breathing through her mouth, and she looked at me funny, so I asked "Do you even know that means?" and she laugh's at me and says no. If I don’t pass this year, I quit. Srsly. I'm done. If that happens, I'm planning on getting my GED. It's equal to a high school diploma. I mean, I'm high school level in English, and I'm not sure about the other subjects. I don’t plan on doing anything with math. Fuck no. I just don’t want to be the normal stereotypical dropout. I want to get out of Hawaii so bad. My 3 best friends are all graduating next year and leaving Hawaii. Two of them are turning 17 in 22 days, and with them looking at houses on cragis list and talking about moving makes me want to leave now and be done with everything. I don’t know what I'm going to do. I want to go to school for journalism or photography. There's no way I'm staying on this island. I cant handle it. I'm so over Hawaii. Thinking about this is so stressful. Everything is easier said than done. And I hate that.

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