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LittleNotes's profile
- Member since
- Jul 8th, 2007
- Profile Viewed
- 241 Times
- Last login:
- Jun 23rd, 2008
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Latest Journal Entry
March 1, 2008
Losing 2 Senses
Why do I feel like this? Like nothing this week is ever going right?Because nothing this week ever went right.
Stnuffy nose. Watering eyes. Annoying headaches. Bombarded with homework. Envy. Laughing in the hallway. Brief glances. Sinking. Lockers. Friend. Tight smile. Laugh. Stomache. More headaches.
Yep, this week was grreat! Not only once did I become frustrated to the point of tears, but twice. I feel fat. I feel ugly. I just want to crawl into a hole and hide. I wanted to crawl under the covers and never come out.
The gas station. Shorts, white tee shirt. Feeling too ugly to dress up today. A dude. First thing I noticed, attractively curly brown tousled hair. Another dude. Curly smiles, "hi", holds the door open for me. I smile, distracted for once from the many things on my mind.
Hm. Thank you for distracting me. Wonderful. You've just made me smile. Curious. ATM. Cash registree 'fill it up'. Gas= expensive. Waiting. Dudes smiling. I'm thinking, contemplating, in another world. Dark thoughts. Sad thoughts. Envious thoughts. Fat thoughts. Bulemic thoughts. Should I try?
The car. Mom and sister smirking. Chatting about the dudes who, it seems, have been watching me since I walked in. I look up. Suprised, amused. Curious. Dudes watch the car as we drive away, smiling. Looking. At Me. It's funny how life is.
It's funny how life works. I was feeling down, they made me smile. Unexpectedly. I was feeling disgusting and ugly, they made me feel pretty. Am I supposed to be hearing something? Is somebody telling me something?
Why can't I hear it?
Tell me I'm pretty. My self-esteem is too low to comprehend. They tell me I'm beautiful. My self confidence protests. I look in the mirror and I don't see what they do. Why can't I? Will someone tell me why. . .
Why do I feel everything but happy? It's confusing me to no end, to forever. I want to be happy and smile, to laugh loud, and fool around, and be crazee. I don't want to hold back. What's holding me back?
Journal. Random thoughts. Looking for, embarassedly, a little guidance?
Her Secret Identity-Kylie
