Comments on RainDropsonStars's Journal
A selfish, shiny new penny
I haven't realized until now, but I'm so deep that the pressure is pressing against me so hard I can barely move. My arm isn't really stuck, my whole body is just trying to keep its shape under the pressure. No matter how I try, I cannot swim anywhere.
I'm so frustrated. I claw furiously at myself, then realize it does no good. All I can think is how pathetic I will be, if I die down here. I haven't had the time to do everything I wanted: I never made it to any other country, I never learned everything my dad knew, I never kissed a boy. So many people I've been rude to, I want to find them and apologize. I want to talk to some of my relatives I haven't spoken to in a long time.
I begin to cry. My salty tears mix with the saltier ocean. I find that even after I've cried all the liquids my eyes have, nothing has changed. I am not needed. If I die down here, who will know? If I survive, who will care? Life will continue its course for the entire population, except for perhaps fifty people who cared for me, a couple hundred who will stop to think "I knew her. Oh well."
What do I really have to look forward to if I survive, anyways? Just a life in a society created by a species that is greedy and cruel. True, some are giving, but none have led a totally selfless life. Nor have I. There is no point for me to live, other than to feel the guilt I will have if my family thought me gone forever. It will be hard for them, I know, but what person has not commited a selfish act before?
I can feel that my body has little oxygen left. Soon it will try to gasp for air, and swallow water instead. I will die. Before it can happen, I speak my last words, for no one to hear, but for me to know: I'm sorry.
Posted at 10:20 PM EST on Saturday, September 1, 2007
Comments
@ 12:49 AM EST on Sunday, September 2, 2007, DemiNoirDemiOrange said:
that is exactly how i feel.