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April 28, 2008

Drummer Boy.

AGH, highschool crushes. They are so lame. Especially when they're eating you alive inside for no real reason.

So there's my drummer boy. Fall of 'o7, during Football/Marching band, I started noticing him...more and more. It was a crush; a typical, 'I like what I see' crush. I didn't know his name. I'd never heard him speak. I didn't know what grade he was in.

But slowly, very slowly, I started picking up on things. Seeing as he's at the 10-12 campus and I'm at the Freshman Academy, I didn't see much of him except on Tuesdays/Thursdays at practice and Fridays at football games, and getting to know anything about him was a bit of a challenge.

So I kept my eyes and ears open, ready to pick up anything I could.

When classes had to be separated by grade to sign up for the bus list, I found out he was a Sophomore. That made me happy; he's only a year ahead of me.

One night at a football game, I was determined to learn his name. The entire night had gone by - a good four hours at least - and yet, I still didn't have a clue. The game was over, and I'd already changed out of my uniform and was heading back to concessions to get a free bottle of water given to the band students after games. I heard someone say 'Fernando', so I looked around for no reason. He answered. His first name is Fernando.

By this point, I was certain of this much - he was a Sophomore. His first name was Fernando. He marched percussion/snare [particularly]. He was, most likely, 15/16.

And I was starting to like him more and more every day.

Which is weird. I've had crushes before. Most come and go over a period of a weeks, possibly a month or two, but this one.....well, I started crushing on him around August.

It's April.

8 months? Really? My crushes never last NEARLY that long.

The sad thing is, I still haven't spoken to him. I rarely ever see him. I probably won't see him until July. I just learned his last name this past Saturday. I finally heard his voice that same day. And I touched him, accidentally. Is that an accomplishment? Ha.

But I've noticed...that...he's watching me too? Or maybe I'm seeing things.

I think he is. But then again, I look at myself and ask why he would. And I begin to think I'm perceiving and analyzing completely in my own favor; living in an alternate reality.

Maybe I'm crazy. That's probably the truth.

But why am I so obsessed over this guy?

Tonight, at the concert, he received a few awards on account of being a good musician. I was so happy for him, and I didn't know why.

I think I'm crazy. I think that it's been so long that I've had any 'significant other' that actually meant anything to me, that I'm getting longing in a sick way. 

I need interaction. I need someone to hold. I need someone to tell I love you to. I need that fulfillment.

Or maybe I just think I do.

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