Latest Journal Entry
July 26, 2007
Thankfully, he's not on here, so I have an outlet. I can't beleive him. I thought we were close. I trusted him with almost everything. I told him my dreams, my sorrows, my feelings. He told me plenty as well. His thoughts, his emotions, his frustrations. We did so much together. Band, drumline, classes, we even went to Spain together. Then, to betray me like this. I once thought I actually loved him. I would do anything for him. When he went out with other girls, it hurt me more than I could say. When he asked me to just be friends, I agreed, knowing I just wasn't his type, and that it was for the best. But apparently "friends" was a stretch of the imagination. Maybe I was jealous when he chose to spend all his time with another girl that wasn't me. It didn't help that she was my roommate. It didn't help that she was my friend, or that she and him were the only people I knew on that trip. But I let her have him. I'm not his type, but she is, so I never once actually complained to him. It was obvious, I suppose... Maybe I'm just the jealous type... Isn't that how our last confrontation started...? Did I stalk him? No more than he stalked her. Yeah, I sat with him on the bus a few times, but mostly because Ashley or Shahin kicked me out of their seats. I ate with him once or twice, but in a big group where I didn't have a choice. Yeah, I went around the different cities with my roommate and him, but as I said... They were my only "friends." And of course, I should never have agreed to pay for half of his sword. I should never have agreed to go around Seville with him. I shouldn't have confronted him in the hall saying, "I can tell you like ____. That's so cute!" He never once said a word to me about how he felt about my presence. Then to go tell everyone in band, when I'm not there... After I've been forced to switch schools... To call me a jealous stalker behind my back... How could he do that? Is his entire point in existance just to hurt me time after time. To shred me apart until there's nothing left? I thought I loved you once, but did you ever so much as even like me? I thought we were friends, at the very least, did you not say so yourself??? But I guess I was wrong...
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