Comments on furiebabe2215's Journal

I'm Sick Of Crying. I'm Tired Of Trying. Yeah I'm Smiling, But Inside I'm Dying

Dear World, I've come to realize that life is far from perfect. For me, it's far from acceptable. I'm taking a turn for the worst, and I have no more excuses. I'm forgetting. I've begun to sink into an empty abyss of darkness far from the human world. A space void of love, joy, even hate, and the more time I spend there, the less I remember my waking hours. This isn't normal for me. It's worse than before. It used to be I could be consience to both worlds, I suppose I was a better actor then. Maybe I wasn't ever really part of this world, So I payed more attention in hopes of blending in with these lifeforms I so detest. It's not working anymore. I'm giving up. I'm letting go. I don't want to try anymore. I'm done. I'm going to let myself fall into that desolate darkness. I'll admit that I don't know what's going to happen. I'm not sure what I'll do or where I'll be or for how long. I'm not so scared of the unknown, rather more so of what I imagine could happen. I'm sorry, I'll say that right now. I don't want to hurt anyone, but I need to go away for a while. You might notice, you might not, but I don't know when things will get better. I don't know when or if I'll come back. Please forgive me. The last thing I want in the world is to leave you, to give up on who I'm trying to be, but I can't help it. I can't do this anymore. I have to let go. I have to go back to the way I was. It's the only chance I have of making things right again. I need to rely on myself to say no. To raise me up. To save myself. I can't trust others to do that for me. It's time I bury myself in a granite-lined grave to battle my demons before I rise anew. I must dig my way out of the warm, damp earth meant to encase me in despair. I think...I need to be alone when I take my first breath of air as my new being. I need to be solitary on my first hunt for whatever I crave. I have to let this thing inside of me take it's own path, wherever it may lead me. I have to go away. Tisiphone

Posted at 8:54 PM EST on Friday, September 15, 2006

Comments

@ 7:06 PM EST on Friday, February 26, 2010, Estherfft said:

I am so sorry, and i can relate to some of this... Are you still around?

@ 12:02 PM EST on Monday, October 2, 2006, cotton21 said:

Wow, that was like a poem good luck an stuff. cots

@ 7:04 PM EST on Friday, September 29, 2006, Forever.Loving said:

I wonder . . . What caused this emotionless prison? I've never been able to make the "right" desisions because I've almost always done the oppisite of what others say I should do. I hope your not the same. I'm always getting attached to people who I know cannot love back . . . It makes me feel helpless and alone. I hate having to stand on the sidlines and only be able to listen and watch. I act happy alot, but my words come from my soal . . . And my heart that has been shattered into a million peices time and time again. When I meet someone, they try and get me to believe they care about me and love me . . . But I always dream for more than "just a friend". As long as I can remember . . . I've been forever loving and what feels like forever unloved. I know feelings, but I don't know why they happen. Once . . . I lost my feelings in confusion and pain. I didn't know what to feel . . . Or why to feel it. I have many friends that are close by or around, but they never get "inside" because they never truly seem to care and understand. It's like they don't want to understand . . . I know that they try because they say they do, but how? How can they be trying when they're JUST around? Sometimes I wonder what it must feel like to want to wake up in the morning. Before bed . . . Many times . . . I sit in my room and cry myself to sleep. I dream of dying . . . Dying from giving up . . . I shoot myself, but as I lay there . . . Bleeding to death . . . I see my friends crying. When I awaken, I wonder what it means. I've never been able to figure it out. These dreams keep me alive . . . When I want to die. I'm afraid of life, but I'm also afraid of death . . . So I live in my dreams I guess . . . It's been like this for as long as I can remember. I don't know who I am though. I just know who I wish I could be. I hope you find emotion . . . Just not pain. When I was a little kid, I would hide under playground aquipment because I was afraid of everyone. The teachers kept me inside, and made me do piles of papers. In preschool I still remember my teachers yelling at me because I tried to join in the fun. I ended up different from everyone else somehow. I can still remember the most painfull quiestion other kids would ask . . . Why are you always by yourself? I could never answer them with words . . . Only a frown or hidden tear. The ones around me created my prison . . . Why do they say that they're trying to fix it? I ofton find myself wondering how others feel and why. What secret emotions lay inside them . . . Who else hides behind a mask? Everyone always gives up on me because it's as if it's hopeless to keep trying to convince me that they love me. I wish someone could take action . . . Because I'm always too afraid. Fear holds me back . . . Memories of pain replay. Are you the same? What has happened to you that created emtyness inside?

@ 3:40 PM EST on Wednesday, September 20, 2006, dayofdreams said:

Like the other girl, good luck. I'm sorry if this sounds rude, but I really liked how you put your words, and what brought me here was the title, it was really neat. I hope you know what you're going to get into, but I can't stop you........So good luck. I hope you turn out okay. Best of wishes.. dayofdreams

@ 1:03 AM EST on Sunday, September 17, 2006, white-chocolate-chibi said:

..... you are lucky..... all my life i have wanted to forget that everything in life was wrong.... that everything is not okay.... that to everyone, i am a void.... but you.... you are going to give that up?.... you know.... you could use that as your advantage.... now go fourth and do whatever!.....

@ 9:06 PM EST on Friday, September 15, 2006, sexychalupa said:

I wish you the best of luck.
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