koolkat573's Journal

Please expect little from me in the next few months. Unless I get people to actually communicate with me, there probably won't be much updates.

Thank you
Kat

March 22, 2008:

CHAPTER 4 of HAZEL EYES is posted. This is "I'm a Rebel Against my own People!?!" with a new title, a twist and some addtions to it. Even old readers will have a great time re-reading it for a second time (or third or fourth).

Please read my homepage for some important news.

November 20, 2007:

Matt Edwards was my best friend. I saw him the day before. Cassie, his sister, wrote this shortly after it happened. If you need anything message me here on Quizzila or email me KoolKathryn@mugglenet.com


~*~*~*~*~*~
my first draft of this was written around 3 am sunday the 5th of august and sent out around 4 am.... i posted it in a bulletin
on myspace and it went to
everyone on mine and on matts friends list....
a lot of people responed to tell me how reading it had made them think about what they were doing with their lives.
telling me how matt's story has made them choose a better path....
they told me that because of my bulletin they will never abuse drugs again. many of the people who read it reposted it.... some took out my contact info...
this was really hard to write and i need to know it was worth writing...
and the things people are writing in response tell me that it was...

here is the bulletin...
there are bits of new information in it that i just found out.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
mom dad tiff loryn and blake... you don't want to read this...
-love cass
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
.................................................................
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
.................................................................
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
.................................................................
.....................................

 

RIP baby brother
Matthew Terrence (sauer)Edwards
born 4-11-1988 died 8-4-2007
age 19
cause of death ... overdose
to anyone who needs a reason to quit abusing drugs
hi my name is cassie sauer
I'm 21 yrs old
i am matt's big sister.
i don't know if you knew my brother or not
this message is for you and anyone you know who needs a wake up call...
read it thoroughly, read it 2 or 3 times, make sure it sinks in.
please forward it to anyone who might need a reality check....
not everyone wakes up.
not everyone will be ok.
not everyone who says they're "ok" actually is ok
it is not worth the risks you take when you abuse drugs.
drugs of any kind, drug abuse is serious.
what they said in those health classes was, is, and always will be true.
drugs destroy lives, friendships, and families.

 

saturday august the 4th i watched as so many of my brother's friends cried and said their goodbyes. it was heart breaking.
This is matt's story,
my brother overdosed on xanax in the early hours of friday august the 3rd.
he fell asleep, such a deep sleep that when he started vomiting he didn't wake.
he aspirated (breathed in) his vomit.
he starved his brain and his body of oxygen.
his friend heard him making a weird noise around 8am and found him choking.
he called 911

my brother stopped breathing and died...
through the miracles of cpr matt's friend got his heart going again, on the way to hospital the emergency medical techs continued breathing for him and when they got there he was put on a respirator to keep his lungs going.
my brother was in a coma
all day friday he showed small signs of improvement, so throughout the day my family clung to the hope that he might wake and recover.
then at around 2 am saturday the 4th my baby brother left his body and this world.
his eyes dialated and fixed.
his brain had swollen.

my baby brother was brain dead.

and even though his heart was beating and his body was alive there was no hope, all that was left of my beautiful baby brother was his body.
we called as many people as we could,
we got so many people who knew and loved him there so they could say their goodbyes and we had matt's young life leader and friends say a prayer for him
and when it was time...
around 7:40 pm
my family gathered around him
we held his hands we kissed them we kissed his forehead
we told him how much we love him...
then
the hospital staff took out his breathing tube.
my brothers body started suffocating,
though his heart was still beating.
my mother, father, sister, Matt's girlfriend , my best friend, and i watched as my brother's lips and his fingers turned blue.
we felt his heart stop beating.
we saw my baby brothers face lose it's warm color and his mouth hang open.
loose and lifeless
it was sickening
just awful.

and after it was done.
after i saw the hope in my parents faces crushed
after my mother collapsed, reduced to tears and cries of
"my baby, my baby, Matthew! NOOOO "
we felt his body grow cold
his hands were blue and then they went white and stiff as the blood in his body,no longer flowing, settled.
none of us thought this would happen...
never in a million years.
this just doesn't happen to people.
especially not someone we know...

 

no, it couldn't happen to us

but it did.

and my parents only son is gone from this place.
mine and tiffany's only brother is forever gone.
my brother was a very special person, and i'll never get to see him ever again.
all because matt wanted to have a little fun, bar out, or whatever, he was an insomniac and sometimes he took it because it helped him sleep..... but this time he didn't wake up.
he gambled with his life and he lost.
don't gamble with yours.
..................................................
I'm sure you found this somewhat hard to read....
maybe it made you a little sad.
maybe.
but know this,
In type it may be sad but....
this was the short and sweet version of what happened to my brother and our family and his friends...
it is nowhere near as bad as actually having to experience it...
in type you can't feel your loved one's heart stop beating.
you can't see the lips and fingers turn a sick shade of blue.
in type you can't fully appreciate the devastation of losing a loved one to something as preventable as drug abuse...
..................................................

 

we all knew matt made some bad choices...namely...did some drugs.
those who truely cared tried to get him to stop, tried to help him
others did it with him, and they are as susceptable as he was.

we later came to find out that matt was the third kid this month in denton county to die of xanax overdose....
this is a SILENT EPIDEMIC
*************
if you care about anyone or anything in this world, you will take from this senseless tragedy the lesson that
my brother didn't get a chance to learn...
YOU have the OPPORTUNITY to LEARN from his mistake.
and you can spread that newfound knowledge to others who need it.
*************

PLEASE
PLEASE
PLEASE
DON'T LET MY BROTHER'S DEATH BE IN VAIN.
please don't let this happen to you or your families or anyone you know.

drug abuse kills....
-Cassie

ps... if you need to talk about anything please don't hesitate to message or email me...
my myspace is myspace.com/cassieandra86
my hotmail is
cassieedwards@hotmail.com

I've got LOADS of homework to do....

oh and

Help me get the word out.

NEW CHAPTER OF RED, WHITE AND BLOOD!! Please read and rate it.

August 19, 2007:

Red, White and Blood is my new series. Please read and rate. Feel free to comment on my c-box or send me a personal message about it!

It is about this girl's transformation into an assasin and the lead up to her first ever mission. I can't tell you much, but expect more to be out. MySpace friends get a special preview a few days before I post it on Quizilla.

-COMMENTS WELCOME-

This video was made for anyone who needs a wake up call. This is my best friend's story. Please watch.


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The Strength of a Friendship- *originally written June 2005*

The tight embrace melts the pain and takes away the sadness. All a want to do is cry and laugh at the same time. Somehow everything is better. It is as if the planets have aligned or it was all a dream. All of my hatred seems to have disappeared in a wisp of smoke. It will be like this forever. Friends we will ever be. That is how powerful this friendship has become.

It all started on a normal school day. I was still kind of new to the school and a bit shy. There he was holding a pad of paper and wearing a smile asking me if I would like to help with the Circle of Friends. For once, I felt like I had an opportunity to be different rather than take P.E. like everyone else. I did not take much notice of him except for the fact that the girls around me kept whispering about him after he had left.

After getting my schedule changed, I joined the class with him. Still a bit shy, I felt a little awkward. He was friendly and sweet. I was a dork and nerd to tell the truth. Funny the way things worked out, I ended up on very good terms with him after that. That class allowed me to be myself. I did not need to impress anyone while in that class; they loved me for who I was.

The next year I signed up to do it again. Something I will never forget is one day both he and another boy had come up and given me a hug. I was uncomfortable at first about it, but then it became a tradition ever since.

One of my most embarrassing and memorable moments while in that class still makes me blush even to this day. Why I had to be so bold, I don’t know and probably will never know, but I did say it. I was going to the equipment room, but one had to go through the boys’ locker room to get to it. I had followed the two boys into it to put away something. They told me that if I didn’t get out, they would just have to strip right in front of me. And I just said, “I don’t care. Just try it.” Well, they did…sort of.

They took off their shirts, probably to see my reaction. I didn’t leave, but I sure knew I had changed facial expressions from a firm, determined face to something else. Then, they proceeded to take off their shorts. I just know my face was beet red and I could help but cover my eyes and walk out.

He and I became really good friends. And my parents questioned what I meant by ‘good friends’. He had never invited me to his house: but why would he, he was a guy. He never called: boys don’t call up girls just ‘cause. He never gave me birthday or Christmas gifts: he didn’t need to, not all friends have to exchange gifts. No matter how much my parents questioned our friendship, I still remained ever loyal to him.

Even during our first year in high school, I tried. I admit I didn’t see much of him, but I tried. That year was probably my roughest year. I felt abandoned by everyone from Middle School. He and I barely saw each other, but he always made it known we were friends.

Through an emotional roller coaster, tenth grade tested me. Half-way through the year, something happened. It broke my heart and tore me up on the inside. For a week after it had happened, I was distraught and depressed. Though I remained loyal as I always had been. I knew there was good in him somewhere; it was just blind for a while.

You would think upon seeing him after the incident I would scream and yell: What were you thinking? But I avoided the subject. I respected him. And this was not the last time our friendship was tested. We had planned to meet and get a book together months in advanced. It was what I looked forward to. When he didn’t show, I was hurt again.

And that wasn’t the last time either, no, one day he had asked me to meet him at three o’ clock somewhere. Of course I said yes, I would meet him on the ends of the earth if I had to. He didn’t show that time either. That made me snap. I had gone back to my room, climbed into bed, and did something I had not done since I was little: I cried. It was an internal pain. This had made me realize, maybe I was just blind to it. Did I do something to make him think we are not friends anymore?

Yet I forgave him, like a good friend should. I still remain ever faithful to him. True friends see us for who we truly are even with our mistakes and try to make us better people. His hugs will always make the world whole again. No matter how far apart we are, nothing will change. He makes me who I am and who I will be. Every little thing he does affects me, changes me, forms me. Although he may not know it: He has helped me.

I was a shy dork with no real reason to go to school and have a life, but having him be my friend changed all of that. He has made me into who I am today and I thank him for it. He saw me while I was invisible in the seventh grade and he and I are friends and will forever be. I thank you again Matt Edwards.

New addition (Aug 7th, 2007): Even in death you have changed me. You have changed all of us. I have cried for you for the last time, but this is different. This is because I know you are Home. God is with you and Jesus is by your side. May you watch over me and keep me safe, friend.

August 8, 2007

This is a repost of the same journal I did yesterday and the day before, but for those who never read it please read!! This will be posted for the last time on my account, but for those who want to pass this message, may.

This past Saturday, my best friend Matt passed away. I will be attending his viewing tonight and his funeral tomorrow. His sister posted this on MySpace a few days ago. I would like to share it with you my friends. Please read in good faith.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
mom dad tiff and loryn and blake... you don't want to read this...
-love cass
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

.....................................

to friends of matt

hi my name is cassie

i am matts big sister.

i don't know if you saw him saturday. or if you saw his body.
this message is for you and anyone you know who needs a wake up call... read it thoroughly read it 2 or 3 times make sure it sinks in. please forward it to anyone you think might need a reality check....

not everyone wakes up.
not everyone will be ok.
it is not worth the risks you take when you use drugs.
drugs of any kind, drug abuse is serious.
what they said in those health classes was, is, and always will be true.
drugs destroy lives, friendships, and families.



Yesterday i watched as so many of my brother's friends cried and said their goodbyes. it was heart breaking.


my brother overdosed on xanax in the early hours of friday august the 3rd.
he fell asleep, such a deep sleep that when he started vomiting he didn't wake.
he aspirated (breathed in) his vomit.
he starved his brain and his body of oxygen.
his friend heard him making a weird noise and found him choking.

he called 911


my brother stopped breathing and died...
through the miracles of cpr they got his heart going again, on the way to hospital they continued breathing for him and when they got there he was put on a respirator to keep his lungs going.
my brother was in a coma all day friday and though he showed small signs of improvement throughout the day at around 2 am saturday the 4th my baby brother left his body and this world.
his brain had swollen.


my baby brother was brain dead.


and even though his heart was beating and his body was alive there was no hope, all that was left of mybeautiful baby brother was his body.
we called as many people as we could, we got so many people who knew and loved him there so they could say their goodbyes
and when it was time...

my family gathered around him

we held his hands we kissed them we kissed his forehead

we told him how much we love him

then
the hospital staff took out his breathing tube.
my brothers body started suffocating.
though his heart was still beating.
my mother, father, siste,r his girlfriend , my best friend, and i watched as my brother's lips and his fingers turned blue.
we felt his heart stop beating.
we saw my baby brothers face lose it's warm color and his mouth hang open.

loose and lifeless


and after it was done.
after my mother collapsed, reduced to tears and cries of
"my baby, my baby, Matthew! NOOOO "

we felt his body grow cold
his hands were blue and then they went white and stiff as the blood in his body,no longer flowing, settled.

none of us thought this would happen...


no, it couldn't happen to us


but it did.
and my mother's only son is gone from this place.
mine and tiffany's only brother is forever gone.

my brother was a very special person, and i'll never get to see him ever again.

all because matt wanted to have a little fun, bar out, or whatever.

he gambled with his life and he lost.


we all knew matt made some bad choices...and did some drugs
those who truely cared tried to get him to stop tried to help him
others did it with him and they are as susceptable as he was.


***if you care about anyone or anything in this world, you will take from this senseless tragedy the lesson that
my brother didn't get a chance to learn...

YOU have the OPPORTUNITY to LEARN from his mistake.
and you can spread that newfound knowledge to others who need it. ***


PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE DON'T LET MY BROTHER'S DEATH BE IN VAIN. please don't let this happen to you or your families or anyone you know.

-cassie
ps if you need to talk about anything please don't hesitate to message or email me...


-PLEASE COMMENT! MATT WAS A GOOD PERSON WHO MADE MISTAKES. DON'T LET THOSE SAME MISTAKES TAKE YOU FROM THE ONES YOU LOVE-

This is a repost of the same journal I did yesterday twice, but for those who never read it please read!! This past Saturday, my best friend Matt passed away. His sister posted this on MySpace. I would like to share it with you my friends. Please read in good faith.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
mom dad tiff and loryn and blake... you don't want to read this...
-love cass
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

.....................................

to friends of matt

hi my name is cassie

i am matts big sister.

i don't know if you saw him saturday. or if you saw his body.
this message is for you and anyone you know who needs a wake up call... read it thoroughly read it 2 or 3 times make sure it sinks in. please forward it to anyone you think might need a reality check....

not everyone wakes up.
not everyone will be ok.
it is not worth the risks you take when you use drugs.
drugs of any kind, drug abuse is serious.
what they said in those health classes was, is, and always will be true.
drugs destroy lives, friendships, and families.



Yesterday i watched as so many of my brother's friends cried and said their goodbyes. it was heart breaking.


my brother overdosed on xanax in the early hours of friday august the 3rd.
he fell asleep, such a deep sleep that when he started vomiting he didn't wake.
he aspirated (breathed in) his vomit.
he starved his brain and his body of oxygen.
his friend heard him making a weird noise and found him choking.

he called 911


my brother stopped breathing and died...
through the miracles of cpr they got his heart going again, on the way to hospital they continued breathing for him and when they got there he was put on a respirator to keep his lungs going.
my brother was in a coma all day friday and though he showed small signs of improvement throughout the day at around 2 am saturday the 4th my baby brother left his body and this world.
his brain had swollen.


my baby brother was brain dead.


and even though his heart was beating and his body was alive there was no hope, all that was left of mybeautiful baby brother was his body.
we called as many people as we could, we got so many people who knew and loved him there so they could say their goodbyes
and when it was time...

my family gathered around him

we held his hands we kissed them we kissed his forehead

we told him how much we love him

then
the hospital staff took out his breathing tube.
my brothers body started suffocating.
though his heart was still beating.
my mother, father, siste,r his girlfriend , my best friend, and i watched as my brother's lips and his fingers turned blue.
we felt his heart stop beating.
we saw my baby brothers face lose it's warm color and his mouth hang open.

loose and lifeless


and after it was done.
after my mother collapsed, reduced to tears and cries of
"my baby, my baby, Matthew! NOOOO "

we felt his body grow cold
his hands were blue and then they went white and stiff as the blood in his body,no longer flowing, settled.

none of us thought this would happen...


no, it couldn't happen to us


but it did.
and my mother's only son is gone from this place.
mine and tiffany's only brother is forever gone.

my brother was a very special person, and i'll never get to see him ever again.

all because matt wanted to have a little fun, bar out, or whatever.

he gambled with his life and he lost.


we all knew matt made some bad choices...and did some drugs
those who truely cared tried to get him to stop tried to help him
others did it with him and they are as susceptable as he was.


***if you care about anyone or anything in this world, you will take from this senseless tragedy the lesson that
my brother didn't get a chance to learn...

YOU have the OPPORTUNITY to LEARN from his mistake.
and you can spread that newfound knowledge to others who need it. ***


PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE DON'T LET MY BROTHER'S DEATH BE IN VAIN. please don't let this happen to you or your families or anyone you know.

-cassie
ps if you need to talk about anything please don't hesitate to message or email me...


-PLEASE COMMENT! MATT WAS A GOOD PERSON WHO MADE MISTAKES. DON'T LET THOSE SAME MISTAKES TAKE YOU FROM THE ONES YOU LOVE-

August 6, 2007:

This is a repost of the same journal I did today, but for those who never read it please read!! This past Saturday, my best friend Matt passed away. His sister posted this on MySpace. I would like to share it with you my friends. Please read in good faith.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
mom dad tiff and loryn and blake... you don't want to read this...
-love cass
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

.....................................

to friends of matt

hi my name is cassie

i am matts big sister.

i don't know if you saw him saturday. or if you saw his body.
this message is for you and anyone you know who needs a wake up call... read it thoroughly read it 2 or 3 times make sure it sinks in. please forward it to anyone you think might need a reality check....

not everyone wakes up.
not everyone will be ok.
it is not worth the risks you take when you use drugs.
drugs of any kind, drug abuse is serious.
what they said in those health classes was, is, and always will be true.
drugs destroy lives, friendships, and families.



Yesterday i watched as so many of my brother's friends cried and said their goodbyes. it was heart breaking.


my brother overdosed on xanax in the early hours of friday august the 3rd.
he fell asleep, such a deep sleep that when he started vomiting he didn't wake.
he aspirated (breathed in) his vomit.
he starved his brain and his body of oxygen.
his friend heard him making a weird noise and found him choking.

he called 911


my brother stopped breathing and died...
through the miracles of cpr they got his heart going again, on the way to hospital they continued breathing for him and when they got there he was put on a respirator to keep his lungs going.
my brother was in a coma all day friday and though he showed small signs of improvement throughout the day at around 2 am saturday the 4th my baby brother left his body and this world.
his brain had swollen.


my baby brother was brain dead.


and even though his heart was beating and his body was alive there was no hope, all that was left of mybeautiful baby brother was his body.
we called as many people as we could, we got so many people who knew and loved him there so they could say their goodbyes
and when it was time...

my family gathered around him

we held his hands we kissed them we kissed his forehead

we told him how much we love him

then
the hospital staff took out his breathing tube.
my brothers body started suffocating.
though his heart was still beating.
my mother, father, siste,r his girlfriend , my best friend, and i watched as my brother's lips and his fingers turned blue.
we felt his heart stop beating.
we saw my baby brothers face lose it's warm color and his mouth hang open.

loose and lifeless


and after it was done.
after my mother collapsed, reduced to tears and cries of
"my baby, my baby, Matthew! NOOOO "

we felt his body grow cold
his hands were blue and then they went white and stiff as the blood in his body,no longer flowing, settled.

none of us thought this would happen...


no, it couldn't happen to us


but it did.
and my mother's only son is gone from this place.
mine and tiffany's only brother is forever gone.

my brother was a very special person, and i'll never get to see him ever again.

all because matt wanted to have a little fun, bar out, or whatever.

he gambled with his life and he lost.


we all knew matt made some bad choices...and did some drugs
those who truely cared tried to get him to stop tried to help him
others did it with him and they are as susceptable as he was.


***if you care about anyone or anything in this world, you will take from this senseless tragedy the lesson that
my brother didn't get a chance to learn...

YOU have the OPPORTUNITY to LEARN from his mistake.
and you can spread that newfound knowledge to others who need it. ***


PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE DON'T LET MY BROTHER'S DEATH BE IN VAIN. please don't let this happen to you or your families or anyone you know.

-cassie
ps if you need to talk about anything please don't hesitate to message or email me...


-PLEASE COMMENT! MATT WAS A GOOD PERSON WHO MADE MISTAKES. DON'T LET THOSE SAME MISTAKES TAKE YOU FROM THE ONES YOU LOVE-

August 6th, 2007:

This past Saturday, my best friend Matt passed away. His sister posted this on MySpace. I would like to share it with you my friends. Please read in good faith.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
mom dad tiff and loryn and blake... you don't want to read this...
-love cass
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

.....................................

to friends of matt

hi my name is cassie

i am matts big sister.

i don't know if you saw him saturday. or if you saw his body.
this message is for you and anyone you know who needs a wake up call... read it thoroughly read it 2 or 3 times make sure it sinks in. please forward it to anyone you think might need a reality check....

not everyone wakes up.
not everyone will be ok.
it is not worth the risks you take when you use drugs.
drugs of any kind, drug abuse is serious.
what they said in those health classes was, is, and always will be true.
drugs destroy lives, friendships, and families.



Yesterday i watched as so many of my brother's friends cried and said their goodbyes. it was heart breaking.


my brother overdosed on xanax in the early hours of friday august the 3rd.
he fell asleep, such a deep sleep that when he started vomiting he didn't wake.
he aspirated (breathed in) his vomit.
he starved his brain and his body of oxygen.
his friend heard him making a weird noise and found him choking.

he called 911


my brother stopped breathing and died...
through the miracles of cpr they got his heart going again, on the way to hospital they continued breathing for him and when they got there he was put on a respirator to keep his lungs going.
my brother was in a coma all day friday and though he showed small signs of improvement throughout the day at around 2 am saturday the 4th my baby brother left his body and this world.
his brain had swollen.


my baby brother was brain dead.


and even though his heart was beating and his body was alive there was no hope, all that was left of mybeautiful baby brother was his body.
we called as many people as we could, we got so many people who knew and loved him there so they could say their goodbyes
and when it was time...

my family gathered around him

we held his hands we kissed them we kissed his forehead

we told him how much we love him

then
the hospital staff took out his breathing tube.
my brothers body started suffocating.
though his heart was still beating.
my mother, father, siste,r his girlfriend , my best friend, and i watched as my brother's lips and his fingers turned blue.
we felt his heart stop beating.
we saw my baby brothers face lose it's warm color and his mouth hang open.

loose and lifeless


and after it was done.
after my mother collapsed, reduced to tears and cries of
"my baby, my baby, Matthew! NOOOO "

we felt his body grow cold
his hands were blue and then they went white and stiff as the blood in his body,no longer flowing, settled.

none of us thought this would happen...


no, it couldn't happen to us


but it did.
and my mother's only son is gone from this place.
mine and tiffany's only brother is forever gone.

my brother was a very special person, and i'll never get to see him ever again.

all because matt wanted to have a little fun, bar out, or whatever.

he gambled with his life and he lost.


we all knew matt made some bad choices...and did some drugs
those who truely cared tried to get him to stop tried to help him
others did it with him and they are as susceptable as he was.


***if you care about anyone or anything in this world, you will take from this senseless tragedy the lesson that
my brother didn't get a chance to learn...

YOU have the OPPORTUNITY to LEARN from his mistake.
and you can spread that newfound knowledge to others who need it. ***


PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE DON'T LET MY BROTHER'S DEATH BE IN VAIN. please don't let this happen to you or your families or anyone you know.

-cassie
ps if you need to talk about anything please don't hesitate to message or email me...


-PLEASE COMMENT! MATT WAS A GOOD PERSON WHO MADE MISTAKES. DON'T LET THOSE SAME MISTAKES TAKE YOU FROM THE ONES YOU LOVE-

**This is a copy from my homepage, feel free to drop by and check it out. The last bit is NEW for those who have already read my page! **

August 3, 2007:
~About time for an update, no? Well I have a lot to tell you.
~One: I quit my job, so I am currently unemployed! Woot! Ah, well, all for the better.

~TWO: "Whatever it Takes" is on Hiatus until further notice. I just can't seem to write anymore on it. So, until I can get some inspiration of sorts, it will stand as thus.

~THREE: Moving day is the 11th. Gah! Its soo close! MySpace friends will get to see my new home and neighbors.

~FINALLY: New story. MySpace friends will get an exclusive look at th new series and might be posted there as early as next week. No idea when it will hit Quizilla.


**NEW** I saw the circus last night...wow... It was interesting, but not worth it. We spent a lot of money on it and all I got was a clown cup where you drink out of his head. O.o

I am in the final stages of the first chapter of "Red, White, and Blood" and will be posting on MySpace next week. Quizilla users will have to wait until the 18th.

-Feel free to comment-

JULY 28, 2007

I don't think anyone can say that they don't have secrets. We all have one or another. We keep them from our family, our friends, total strangers. They are the embarrassing little things we don't want others to judge us by. Secrets. Our lives hidden mysteries.
 
Whether it be a small secret, such as a small memento we have kept since we were young or a big one like the real reason your house burned down, secrets take part in our lives everyday. Why can't we just be bold and out right about them? Some people can be, but others are afraid. 
 
Some secrets we have been chosen to hear, but to never breathe another word about it. Friends have seen that we can be trusted enough to tell us their deepest held. Or even we find out by accident. These are ones we cannot tell a single soul even if we wanted or risk loosing our friendship forever.
 
I fear for my life every day. Secrets haunt me and my knowledge scares me sometimes. Torture will never get me to tell, but having to face it would be the worst possible thing. I hate the secrets I have and know about. I live a lie. I am not who you think I am. Sometimes, I am not who I think I am!
 
Someone told me a secret today. A deep secret only a few know about. I honored to be told it, but I feel really bad for the person. She does not want me to experience what she did and I know why. This girl trusts me to keep this secret for the rest of my life. Why must we have secrets?
 
This I do not know, but I do know this: Secrets can make or break you. They could make you wonder why that car is following you. Or they could make you look at your life and know you will not let that keep you from living.

**NO SPOILERS, NEVER FEAR, I RESPECT HARRY POTTER FANS**


Although the series of Harry Potter has come to an end, I will still be a fan through and through. It took me about twenty-four hours to read the book (if you exclude the eight hours I used to sleep, eat, and use the bathroom, it totals sixteen hours). My obsession won't be as crazy, but I still will be collector of all things Harry Potter.

It was a wonderful book. Especially chapter thirty-three (my absolute favorite chapter). Of course I cried. Of course I know that it is the end. Of couse I know it is just a silly book written for children. BUT I DON'T CARE! Neither do the hundred of thousands of adults in the world who stood in similar lines as mine and bought their books as soon as they could.

Please don't ask me what I thought of the book unless you have read it (or don't plan to read it). I tend to slip and I am not careful of what I say. IF you have, feel free to ask my opinion. I will answer...

 

-COMMENTS WELCOME-

July 17, 2007:

My fellow Quizillians! I finally have a MySpace. Please all friend requests must be accompanied with a message stating that you are from Quizilla and I please ask that you are one of my readers or frequent visitor to my homepage on here.

When I get aroundto it, I will start to form it around my stories, upcoming works and even add a personal touch to it. You might even get my day to day life with added bonuses that the average reader will not get.

Much thanks to my friend who have not forgotten about me and were ready to uphold my favor! I don't know whether or not this'll work, but its worth a shot.

Ah, yes. A link. My MySpace URL: myspace.com/koolkat573

-COMMENTS WELCOME-

JULY 11, 2007:

Yesterday was the worst day and the best day of my life. Why do you ask? I shall tell you why.

I woke up and watched the news as I got ready for work yesterday. On the news, there was a news story that caught my ears. It scared me, for I thought the SOMEONE might have something to do with it. I called him and reached his voicemail. I left him a calm message telling him I would like him to call me back as soon as possible.

After work, he still hadn't called and I knew I wasn't going to see the Harry Potter movie at midnight. I was driving down the highway when I am forced to exit. Thus, I got lost. I called my mother in hopes she could tell me where to go. We shouted at each other as I tried to drive and find my way at the same time.

While I was talking with mother, I recieved a call from a strange number. So, I went to my voicemail to find out who it was. REMEMBER: "The Curse of Friday the Thirteenth" journal entrie? If you do, then you remember I was 'stood up' by one of my (then) best guy friends. For the past year and a half, I pretended he did not exsist. I never saw him or heard from him, so it made everything easier.

Well, on my voice mail my ex-best guy friend left me a message. He was wondering if I was going to see Harry Potter at midnight. That was the last straw. I burst out in tears. I was lost and getting phone calls from people I pretended dead.

I found my way home. Hope into the shower and curled up with MAGYK. I figured, what the hell. Then my dad comes in my room and tells me to get ready. I WAS GOING TO THE MIDNIGHT PREMIERE!

So, I dressed all in black, for Sirius Black, don't you know. We stood in line waiting to get INTO the teather for 2 hours. I was third in line! (Go me!). Finally we got to go into the theater and claim our seats! Another 2 and a half hours later, the movie started.

I actually liked this one. It was good. I reconmend if you was debating on going, you should go.

I didn't get home until 3AM. I had to wake up at 6:30AM and go to work.

Now, please tell me. Has the CURSE come early?

-COMMENTS WELCOME-

JULY 4 , 2007:

Next week, ONE WEEK from TODAY, the Harry Potter movie will show in the United States. Being an obessive Harry Potter fan, I can't miss it! But I knew I shouldn't go see the midnight premire because of my new job. I also did not want to go by myself. Sad, no?

When I expressed these feelings to SOMEONE, he told me he would join me if I went. So, I agreed to go. I was excited and couldn't wait for the day.

But now...he won't call me, won't respond to my messages, and I am afraid he won't be there. Its one week away and I don't know whether or not he is backing out.

I'm thinking about not even bothing anymore. If he wants to go, he has to pick me up. Then and only then, will I even go. I will not make plans, but I will be in bed at ten, so if he comes after...too bad.

-COMMENTS WELCOME-

June 18, 2007:

Well everyone. I completed my first day at my new job. Ah, the happy life a cubical...not! Today, I filled out paperwork. Got settled at my new desk with my new computer. I typed in numbers...looked at important documents that meant nothing to me...typed in more numbers...I was suppoed to listen to phone calls, but NO ONE was on the phones...filed papers...

From eight in the morning to five in the evening, I did the most boring job of my entire life. At least I am making money, more money than before. I am soo tired from doing nothing, I think I might go to bed early.

Last night, we had severe storms. Thunder and lightning kept me awake all night. When I FINALLY go to sleep, the tornado alarms went off at 2:30 in the morning. Perhaps that is also why I am so tired? My sister didn't even wake up, until I went in her room and shouted at her. The tornado did not hit us thankfully, but floods were causing people to have to strip their carpets out of their homes.

Well, I must run...

-COMMENTS WELCOME-

May 27, 2007:

Confused By You

I wonder about what is to come. The near future. The distant. What will become of tomorrow? Where will we be in a month? Two months? A year? I know what you want to happen. Tomorrow, I am going on a short trip and you will go to work. In a month, you and I will be celebrating your coming back from your travels. Two months we will be spending as much time as possible together. And in a year, we will be staying together and visiting home.

 You tell me you don't have a conscience, but you sure do! That cold heart of yours is not cold as you make it out to be. I have found your weakness. And that is me. Unfortunately you do not realize what grief you give me. If I let on, would you change?

I am a puzzle, a Rubix cube, you called me once. But I find you are one too. The more I try to figure you out, the more I just seem to mix up those colors. One minute all you want is to hold me, the next you don't take my calls. One day I smile at you and you smile back, and the other you won't make eye-contact.

Confused By You

-Comments Welcome-

((This was directed to someone I know, no one in particular on Quizilla.))

May 23, 2007:

Finally freedom at last. Classes are over. I do not work at the resturant any more. Two weeks of just me time...sort of. With this time, I shall try to post more and more chapters to make up for the absence.

I have a full-time job now. The first full week in June I start. 40 hours a week, so please forgive me for not being on Quizilla much. June, is my busiest month. I will be running back and forth between home and school and work. I need to sign up for fall classes. And then, I deal with work. 8-5 everyday. The joy!

I will try to finish the two stories if I can...keep me going.

-Comments Welcome-