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March 3, 2007

I'm still shaking...

Yeah, Andrew turned up at my house last night.
I answered the door 'cos I'm a good little girl and saw him standing there and he said Let me explain.
And I said Hmm...No. and slammed the door.
I went back into the living room and then he knocked again so I shouted through the letter box at him to piss off.
Then my little brother, Sam, and his friend Matt, 'cos it was just us in the house comes down with their BB guns (don't ask me why they have them I have no idea) and Sam says 'Is this the asshole?'
And I said What? How did you know?
And he said 'Jake and Will'.
So, yeah, I'm gonna kill those two for informing my little brother about my love life but...hey ho.
Andrew knocks again and then Sam and Matt open the door and points their BB gun at him and Sam bellows 'STAY AWAY FROM MY SISTER ASSHOLE!'
It was actually really amusing, seeing my 11 year old brother and his friend threaten my 17 year old ex boyfriend with a BB gun.
Andrew automatically puts his hands up, although the pellets aren't going to do much 'cos they're plastic, it's just a reflex when someone points a gun at you.
He said to me Are you just gonna let them do that?
And I said Yeah, I am. And if you were gonna get what you deserve this gun would be loaded with knives and I'd order them to fire right about now.
He said Look, can you just hear me out? That's all I'm asking.
I said yeah and went outside, telling Sam and Matt to keep their guns trained on Andrew from the upstairs window.
It was only a joke, but they ran upstairs and stuck their guns out the window, so, hey hey.
And we went round the corner and Andrew says to me It didn't mean anything. It was just a stupid fling. It didn't mean anything at all.
Is that supposed to make me feel better? That you just threw everything away on a meaningless fling?
No, I just-...I don't love her. I love you.
Ha - That's a laugh. If you don't love her and you love me, then why did you fuck her?
Maybe I got sick of waiting around for you to be ready!
Well, maybe I'm just sick of you fullstop. Bye.
I tried to go back to the house but he grabbed me and yells JUST LISTEN!
I thought you were done. I certainly have nothing more to say to you. Please let go.
He slammed me against the wall and starts shouting at me.
And then I hear the sound of my wonderful little brother yelling 'FIRE!' up above and they start shooting Andrew with BB gun pellets.
I ducked and ran back to the house, slammed and locked the door and now I'm still shaking.
Even though it was last night, I'm still shaking.
I didn't think I could misjudge someone so badly.
I mean, I thought he was a nice guy, he's always been a nice guy, and then he cheats on me and now he's being violent and shouting...I don't know.
How could I have got it so badly wrong?
My back is killing me and there's a bruise coming out where he slammed me against the wall.
I was so grateful to Sam and Matt for helping me out last night that I let them stay up all night, by the front door with their guns in case he came back.
It's just a little game to them.
Mum and Dad didn't come home last night 'cos Mum was at a party and Dad was pulling an all nighter at work so it was just me and the boys.
No denying I got kind of spooked, in case he came back.
So, I called Jake and Will ('cos Will's staying with Jake at the moment while people do some work on his house), and talked to them for most of the night and we happily verbally abused Andrew for a long time.
I got really frightened when the doorbell rang just now, but it's just Matt's mum come to pick him up.
He said to her as soon as he saw her 'WE SHOT SOME ASSHOLE!'
So, yeah, I don't think I'll be babysitting my brother and his friend again.
They seriously saved me though.
And now seeing as I'm eternally in Sam's debt and he's asking for breakfast I'm going to go and try and burn some toast for him. :)
I'm actually really scared though. What am I going to do when I go back to school on Monday?
What if he starts shouting or hitting me or something?
I hate to say it but he's stronger, older and bigger than me and if he was trying to hurt me I don't think there's much I can do.
I'm really frightened. I don't know what to do.
And I feel like such an idiot for misjudging him so badly.
How could I ever have loved someone like that and not saw through him?
And now Geralds called and I have too much to do at once so I have to go and burn toast while talking to Gerald.
He says he'll guide me through the process of using a toaster.
So, I better go.
Rock on and blessed be.
paganofthewolves.

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