picture.perfect's Journal

I beleive that when one such as David holds his hand in front of you, you are enclined to shake it. The snow crunched under my boots, making the coyotes howl louder. Running down those slippery steps and skidding to a stop was more excilerating than Keri's words about that book. If only the security gaurd knew I wasn't stealing. His hat was framed to the side, his teeth white, his eyes gleaming, and yet he was of no interest to me. Unwrapping the presents was the most part, but the crying wasn't. Somehow I have a space left in the back of my mind where empty boxes and boxes lay, filling my eyes to the brim. The glass was full yet empty, leaving me unsatisfied. The smiles and grins all around were enjoyed but untraced, leaving you standing and wondering what just happened. My heart never slowed after that one night, on that cold porch at Vail. If only I knew what I did then. Together we can build a snow man and name him Billy. With a freckle for a nose, and buttons for eyes. But no mouth, afraid of what he'll say. Paints and markers show color but no vibe, pages and pages of nothingness just filling the room, breaking the windows. Screens and screens of images danced around, leaving me breathless. Singing was my last and only resort.

As she set out on that melted rock, chain in one hand, flower in the other, I did everything but come towards her. She turned to me, her eyes turned grey, with a smile as forced as ever. The fire swept like a curtain in the wind. The light from that door blinded so deeply it shone through the outside of the house. Making that silk dress turned my fingers into dust. So much the bunnies scurried under the couches. Vacuuming had no chances for all the damage it created. The tiger jumped and growled as it made it's way towards me, it's tongue blue. It pounced, it's teeth spikes. Like hand in rubber glove, the continuation of events scattered around the room. Shallow was as far as it could go. To think you could just clap your hands and it'd be gone. My eyes lighted up at the sight of starbucks. Breathes quickened. Lips touched. Years passed, but yet that blanket stayed there, like a sign, showing that one last bit of that memory so long ago, when he walked out that door. The volcano exploded, lava running down the rocks, into his eyes. Claws  sunk in making their mark, having no idea they'd stay there. Dino, what have you done? The pipes burst. Running was no option.

To think that when you deeply look at something, and admire every characterisctic, imagining it'd be real, you'd somehow make something out of it. The bird that layed on the windowsill danced and spun into the coffee shop, making my eyes grow even wider. He kept calling my name, trying to shift the attention back to him, but I couldn't look at him at the moment. My fingers burned holding the hot coffee close, but that didn't matter, my entire train of thought was escaping. The water rose higher and higher into the sky, filling up the room, drowning. That flower always seemed to be the one and only thing that shined. Giggles and laughter were managed but unheard. Children spun and played as they sang their songs. He asked my hand and I slowly took it, making myself dizzy. The films and movies spun faster and faster, repeating themselves. My body felt new. My vision cleared, and my smile widened. Aalya, to think that your dreams were real. The battles were on fastforward, making every movement and word exchanged forgotten. The waterfall pulled me closer and closer to the door, but I continued to scream his name. My heels pulled the tile off the floor, making me stand still. My dress was torn and my hair was in my face, making me fall to the ground. Pain suddenly pounded through me in my arm. The glass was in. If only life was cookie dough.

And even though the fact of the matter is that we were never destined to be here, we still walked in out of curiosity. How he managed to look at me with utmost hope and despair almost made me want to drown in my tears.

We had nowhere to go.

The feelings that flowed in and out of my eyes and stomach turned into drops of water, showering the cube shaped soul that lived within. The journey had gone through days and days of nothing more than just empty air and a blank sky. We had known each other for years, yet while sitting on that boat, it was as though the other wasn’t there; just a mass of empty space in the muck of this atmosphere. The air was tasteless and so bland that it brought both hunger and thirst throughout our bodies.

Where are we?

The tension rose higher and higher into the pit of my stomach. I felt sick. Not only from the reaction my body had to this place, but from the severe symptoms that pumped through my skin after what we did that night. If only the addiction to alcohol in a glass faded. Maybe this level of hysteria which has caused us falling upwards will soon wear off.

If only I wake up.

I feel like dancing. I feel like hoping onto a stage in front of millions of people and tap my high-heeled shoes against the tile floor as I Flamenco. I feel like shaking my hips and swaying to the music like no one was there. I feel like writing. I feel like writing my soul out.  Every thought, ever word, every emotion, all written on paper, so the whole world can read it and make it known. I feel like reading. I feel like reading every book in the world until I can finally shut my eyes and sleep. I feel like riding. I feel like jumping onto the back of my horse Chocó and ride forever into the August sun.  I feel like lying down and watching. I have watched four movies in a row, and I shall continue to watch more, until I’m able to gain any rest possible. I feel like writing, for that is the reason I am scribbling this down on a piece of paper.


I wished life was like a piece of paper. So that if it got all messed up you’ll be able to crumble it up and start over again. I wish there were such a thing as forever lasting flowers. For then we’ll be able to admire their beauty more than we usually do. And maybe it will make life a little prettier and bright. I wish there was a world where everyone can forgive. I wish everyone cared and nobody cried and that everyone loved and nobody lied. I wished life was like a song. So you can stop, play, and rewind anytime you want.

I’m sitting on the deck. The hairs on my body standing up from the cold. I let out a breath, watching white air come out of my mouth like smoke. I closed my eyes and breathed, hearing the never ending chirp of the caged birds behind me. I stare at the beautiful stars in the clear sky before standing, pulling my hair up in a bun. I walked towards the two French doors, hearing the creaks of the wooden floor beneath me. As I enter, my body begins to relax, feeling calm in the warmth of the house. Buster runs over to me, his tail wagging nonstop, his eyes shining with happiness at the sight of me. I smile, and lean down to pet him, running my hands through his soft black fur. I stand up again, and head towards my room, as I open the door I stop, hearing a soft voice calling my name. “Mickey! Mickey!” I turn at look at the little boy, his little blue eyes glowing into my own. I pick him up with a smile, as he giggles. “What’s up Marcus my dear cousin of mine?” I tickle him; he drops his toy from laughing so hard. “Nothin’. I just wanted to see if Mickey can go play.” He muttered through fits of laughter, tears streaming down his face. “Oh really now? And what exactly would you mean by playing?” I teased, while setting him down. “Cars!” he picks up his large toy car, beaming as he hands it to me. “Aha, okay then. Let’s go play cars! Brooooom Brooom!” I played, as I chased him, his giggles filling the large house. There are some things in life we can always cherish, always have there waiting, waiting to show you how much you’re loved and telling you how grateful they are for you loving them. They will always make you smile, and brighten your day, and always make you think everything’s right at that moment. I think of this and grin, as I continue to run around, giving Marcus a piggy back ride. “I wuve wu Mickey” he says, as he jumps up and down on my back as I run. “I love you too Mar.” I sigh, feeling so happy. “Me too.”

Everyone was so happy, while eating in the moonlight. Clinging glasses of wine and making toasts for fun. They were having such a great time, laughing and smiling at eachothers words. The pool side was packed with people. With summer just starting, it seems as if it were tradition to come to this place at this time. With the concrete floors, the wooden tables, and the glistening of the beautiful blue of the pool next to you, you couldn´t help but know why it was the most popular place in the small city. It was late, around ten on a thursday night. Usually this place would be empty if it wasn´t summer. Everyone was beaming, while glitering in the night, with thier fancy clothes and bright smiles. Everything seemed just perfect.

I looked around at all the smiling people, and couldn´t help but feel a pain in my gut. I shouldn´t be here. I looked up at the glittery sky, and breathed in the scent of smoke. This place may be the best one in town, but not for me, not for a floridian teenager. I got up from my seat, and strolled away from the table, my glittery blue dress trailing behind me. They were calling my name, asking what´s wrong, but I ignored them. They lied to me, they said we were going out to dinner, not go clubbing.

As I walked down the stairs and into the garden, I couldn´t help but notice people looking at me, like always. I made my way through the gate and up to the stone benches. As I sat, I breathed in the fresh new scent of roses, which smelled much better then the smoke I was breathing earlier. I looked at the sky once again, taking my brown hair out of its neat bun. As I closed my eyes, and took a deep breath, I swore I heard the sound of fireworks. I opened my eyes instantly, and the smell of salt reached my nose. I wiped my eyes fruriously, swearing at myself for crying on such a stupid whim. That sound reminded me of somewhere, it reminded me of home. It was supposed to be the 4th of july over there. I looked up once again, staying silent, wondering if the sound would come again. But it didn´t. I let out a deep sigh, while playing with my dress. Just one more week, I thought to myself, just one more week and you´ll be back home. I sniffed, while wiping my eyes. How can people look at me now? My make-up is ruined, my hair is a mess, and I´m sweaty in this gown. And just then, I made up my mind.

So without second thought, I stood up, and walked out to the parking lot. I looked around, looking for the the black jaguar. Once I spotted it, I quickly ran towards it, opening the door silently. I couldn´t help but thank my cousin for being so stupid for leaving the car unlocked. As I sat in the drivers seat and closed the door, I hastily looked for the car keys. Once I did, I started up the egnition, backed out of the parking lot, and drove straight out of there. I kept driving and driving, not caring at all I was under age. All I knew was where I was going, and it would be somewhere far away from here. I didn´t care if it was going to take a thousand hours, I was going home.