prepbeauty14's Journal

   Long time, no see, eh? I'm sorry I haven't been on and updating lately; I've been so busy with schooling, love, and family.

   I have recently changed schools, to one closer to my home, and ever since then things have been a little cantankerous. Good news is that I have more wicked awesome friends and, unexpectedly, a new boyfriend! So, I guess I can somewhat say I love school, to be more specific, I love the art program there.

   My family is a big issue right now because, for some very odd reason, one is wanting to fight with the other. Also, to make matters worse, I almost forgot Mom's birthday. But, in the end, I made up for it with doing the laundry, and cooking dinner (I didn't burn the house down! Ha ha.).

   I am sorry to say that I am more adamant about not writing anymore for now; whereas, if I update, I will, though I'm apt not to until I can improve my sentence structure, and increase my vocabulary. And, to make up for this, I'm thinking of starting a new story, and re-editing the somewhat old.

   Well, I think that's about it for now. If I happen to think of anything else, I will let you know. :) <3 xoxox

I'm really bored right now, isn't that a surprise? Well, I'm having this...um... sudden addiction, I guess you could say, to werewolf stories. Now, for the purpose of this journal entry, I want a good werewolf story to read! So, please, give me a really good werewolf story. *bat eye lashes* I love you forever! <333

Alright, I'm pretty sure you're going to think I'm a little weird but ohwell. I think the title gives a hint to what I'm about to ask. I really want to write a ghost story, the only thing is, I don't know much about them. So, what I'm asking is, do any of you know anything about them? I'd like facts...if there is any...

I hate life right now. Yes, I know hate is a strong word to use but, sadly, its true. My mom is forcing me to be something I'm not. I can't do some of the stuff I want to because of the sickness I have. I miss my big brother, he was killed, so much that I wish I were with him. There's really no purpose for me to be here at all. No one to love and love me back, had some one but was forced to brake up. I can't stand my family. I can't cut anymore...you should know why from the other journal entry. I'm to the point where  I don't feel anything at all. Some say contribute your life to something, the thing is, I can't. I'd like to but life has me where I can't. I'm just a  mindless, scratch that, soulless zombie. I have tryed, a lot of times, to just feel one emotion. I just want to be dead to the world. I just want to be free of life and everything else there is.

Alright, my mom found out that I've been cutting again, she found out the day after I posted the journal entry, and we're working on that. Now for the real purpose of this journal entry.

I want a tattoo and, guess what, I'm getting one! I have finally coaxed my big brother into getting me one. The tattoo is going to be a brother and sister type of thing. What I am trying to say is this: Only my brother, and maybe a few friends of mine, and I are the only ones that are going to know about my tattoo.

I have a few ideas about it but, sadly, I can't choose! So, I need my friends on Quizilla to help me with getting the final image. It, the tattoo, has to be small, so that my very closed minded mother will not notice, yet big enough so that you can tell what the tattoo actually is. I am thinking of putting it on my ankle, lower back, or on my outter thigh. Please help me, thanks!

People say that cutting is a bad thing to do. It is bad, health wise; however, it's sort of good mentally/emotionally. What I mean is, yeah, I know that I'm flirting dangerously close to suicide, but it helps me get some of my emotions and stress out. Some say if your sad to cry but, the thing is, is that others can't cry or they can and they just don't feel and relief from it afterwards, if that makes any scence at all. With me, it would be the second one, I can cry my eyes out all the time, in the end though, nothing would change.

Alright, now let me try to explain the suicide part. I know that people, who don't really know what they're doing, end up on the front page of the newspaper with a title like this "Suicide By Cutting". That's only because either they don't know what they're doing and cut too deep or they really wanted to die and achieved in doing so. A few of my friends say that if I don't stop I'm going to be the next suicide case, but I'm not. If I want to end my life, then I will, that's only if. When I cut, I don't cut too deep just to get a good enough amount drips out, for me anyways.

Also, who are they to tell me to quite? I know that they are only trying to look out for me and all, but cutting is pretty much the only way I can deal with daily and non-daily shit. If I decide to stop cutting, then I will, until then I won't!

   Well, what a title, huh? Right now my life is full of chaos. I feel like I'm losing my g*d damn mind.

   First, one of my best friends, who is a guy named AJ, is going out with another one of my friends. Normally this probably wouldn't bother me, but i just recently found out that I like him more than just a best friend. So right now thats really sucking major ass. Oh, and the girl he's going out with is probably about a couple of years older than him!
 
   Second, I'm kind of forgetting who I am. Its really hard for me to figure who I am. I was talking to Jonathan, the gay guy from my other two journal entries, and he told me to take about a week or however long it takes to. Theres just one problem with that...I F*CKING DON'T KNOW HOW!!! If you know how please tell me! Another thing, Jonathan just "figured" out that he isn't gay, he's bisexual. After he told me that, I was really confused. Then that got me to thinking how do you know if your straight or bi?
 
   Lastly, I'm sort of losing my "appetite" for writing. Well, let me take that back. I have a lot of ideas and all its just that get them to come out right. Lately I haven't felt like writing about any of my stories, but I have been wanting to write more poems. However, my words are getting really jumbled up when I go to write them down. Speaking of my poems, if you've noticed that they're gone, they're one my new account cursedvampire666. If you check it out, theres a new one out called "Hey Dad". And, well, I guess this is the end of my rant or whatever you want to call it. Bye!

~*~Mandy~*~