stained.kisses's Journal

30th July 2008 - 2:46 AM - Wednesday.

No one reads this anymore but it's alrighty, I like to put down my thoughts anyway and go back to them months, or years from now.

Tim went to go work for his Dad 12 days ago. He left with Kris aftercourt and will be home this Friday. It's the longest time that Tim and I have been away from each other. It gets really lonely at night and is even more difficult to sleep then usual. I ended up spraying his deodorant on my pillow so it smelt like him, I slept easier after that.

The next time I go to the doctors, I'll have to get new scripts filled for my meds and I'm also going to ask for sleeping pills. Tims best friend, Joe, is having his 18th birthday party on the 2nd of August. I'm not sure if I'll end up going, I want to, but with moving and packing, I'm not sure if I'll be able to.

Tomorrow, or today now, we'll go looking at houses and sign a contract with one of them. We also have to get alot of boxes. Mum and I both have letters to send aswell.

I just can't seem to get back into writing stories, I'm not sure what it is. I haven't written a story, or a chapter or even a paragraph in over a year, I suppose I just need to get back into the swing of it. It's absolutly freezing here at the moment, my fingers feel like they're just ice. I shouldn't complain, Tama lives in NZ, and it'd be a hell of alot colder there. I don't know how he stands it.

I haven't played WoW in ages now and I don't miss it anymore. I'm starting to not miss the people on there either now, which is good. I play Oblivion every now and then, but the main quest line gets boring and I've completed the Dark Brotherhood and The Thieves Guild, all the Deadra God quests, random quests, gotten every set of armour that I can get (other then the last armour that you get after finishing the main quest line). I've bought a house in every city that will let me and furnished it. It's not as fun as it was before >.<

If it wasn't so bloody cold, I would start packing the spare room up. I'm going to try and get back into writing stories again, I really enjoyed writing them. Hmmm, I think that's all for now.

Take care
~Tanaya
xoxoxo

19th April 2008 - 3:49am

Do you ever feel like you just want to get away?
Do you ever feel like you just want to start again?

I do. More often then not.

I want to start again, in a new place, free from my past, from everyone, from my family. I'd go to New Zealand, if I could choose. I'd love to move there, I sometimes wonder if I will. When I lay awake at night, with my pillow, I think of what it would be like.

I've been writing alot of poems lately. I can't seem to write stories right now, haven't been able for a long time now. I'm not that great with poems but it feels good to write again. I've missed it so much.

I just want to get away from everything.

Check this poem out. My best friend wrote it to me. I love you sweet.

He's the one. I love you. The only person that has ever made me feel truly loved. No matter our distance. Hours pass so quickly when I'm with you. I yearn to see you. I want to be held within your arms, as time stops forever around us. As the sun sets for the last time. I never knew there was such a person as you. I will always be there for you, with you, walking beside you threw everything. You make my heart stops when you talk, my whole word stops whenever I think of you. You've done more for me then ever imaginable. I miss you, I love you. I always will.
You make me feel special, nervous, hot and cold all at the same time. You're my one true constant and I know I will always have you, as you will always have me. You were always the one.

27th March 2008 - 4:34pm

I still find it so weird putting 2008 at the end of that XD Still not used to it being another year I suppose.

Almost the 17th month for me and Tim now, wow, it's weird to me that we've been together for so long. Half of it feels as though we've been together forever and the other half is like "Where did all the time go?".

I'm currently looking for a job, I need to pay rent to my Mum so that's my no.1 thing to do right now. I'm so nervous about getting a job, I dont' know why, I guess I just dont' want to mess it up. I'm sure I'll do fine and end up complaining about work, just like everybody else. But hey, at least it's monah! Lmao.

I feel awful that I haven't updated in forever, I can't bring myself to take To The End off, I hate it when people do it so I <i> really </i> dont' want to do it myself. I will finish that story!!!

I've been a complete wow addict since taking vacation from Quizilla. As soon as WoW Fusion is taking GM (Game master) applications, I'll be applying, I'd love to be a GM. Lately though, I've been playing on a private server called Beyond WoW. There was a massive fight between the GMs though and all of them left except the head GM. I dont' like the new changes, but hey, what can I do about it?

I desperatly want to go on holidays! Another reason why I want to get a job. I'll be paying off the debt I owe to Mum before I start saving to go on holidays though, it could take me awhile. Esp. how expensive flights are these days.

I'm currently in the process of cleaning/re-arranging my room. My bed looks like a bomb hit it, lol, I'll have it done by the time I go to bed though.

I <3 comments and will comment you back always.

Take care all
~Leah
xoxox

Friday 29th February 2008 - 2:28 pm

Heya ^.^

Damn, I haven't been on Quizilla for months. I'm SO glad that I'm back. I've finally turned 18 (woo) and will be going down to the tattoo studio next week to get a stencil done up. Verrrry excited about that.

Tim and I are still together, it's been over 15 months now and we're more in love then ever <3

I suspect there will be a flurry of updates on everything - Poems, quizzes, To The End and polls ^.^

I coloured my hair purple the other day, haven't had this colour for AGES. Ima liking it : )

Changed my Myspace layout once again, it's forever changing. I went for a big ol' colourful layout this time, loving it ^.^

It's very appreciated when I get comments. I <3 them and will always comment you back.

Take care
~Leah

15th January 2008 - 10:12 pm

I'm so stressed out right now. My Mum can't take care of my little brother and sister until April and Dad is blackmailing Mum, saying that if she doesn't pay him $4, 000 then him and his fiance won't take care of the chilren. Either she pays the money and signs this thing that the kids will be living with them permanetly or she has to take care of them. Mum and Dad only got divorced last year and he was extremly abusive to her so she's having a small holiday, she hasn't had a holiday since she's been with Dad, never had a break for 20 years. She deserves this holiday.

The only other option is to have me take care of them while she's gone and it's too much for me, it really is. I'll be doing year 12 when she's going, I can't get them ready for school, take them to school and then take the bus to TAFE for myself. When I was living with Mum, I had a breakdown because she was so sick and I had to look after the kids, I can't handle it alone. I feel so trapped.

Mum and Dad are fighting on the phone now, they tape everything Mum says on the phone, it's so sick.

To top it off, I'm now a size american 0 and an Australian size 6-8. I used to be a size 12-14 Australian size. Mum is telling me that if I don't put on weight, then I'll have to go to a treatment centre, she doesn't need this stress. When I think about eating, it makes me feel sick like I'm going to throw up. I drink coffee and smoke all day, I WANT to put on weight, I do. I feel so stupid right now.

I can't fail grade 12 this year. I've failed grade 11 twice now, I couldn't stand to fail again. I get A's and B's when I go to school and apply myself, it's getting myself to school which is hard. I have a really short temper and I get angry when everyone just asks stupid questions just to annoy the teacher. If I bother going to school, then I want to learn something. Plus I have anxiety and I get really scared when I'm around alot of people. I freak out and think that everyone is looking at me, even if they aren't, it's so stupid but it's what I think. I take medication for the anxiety which does help and I'm taking mood stabelizers because they think I might have bipolar, I hope I don't, I don't need that aswell.

I need a job really bad, I'm not getting youth allowance from the government and I owe money to Mum for rent. Tim owes Mum money because he smashed down my door and he needs to pay the rent for when he was living here, she's cracking up about that. I'm just really stressed out right now.

11th January 2008 - 7:02 pm

So I said in a previous journal post that it seemed as though there was no passion left in my relationship. After me and Tim had a big fight and he moved out and broke up with me. We got back together and since we haven't been living together, our relationship has been so much better. I think it was all the stress of living together, there was almost nothing to look forward to anymore. We saw each other every minute of every day and since it's the holidays, there's no school, we literally went no where and spent all the time with each other. This is a good thing sometimes, but it was too much for us.

I stayed at his place on Wednesday, we talked for hours and hours. That has never happened before, we normally don't really talk, or if we do it's about non important things. We laughed and joked, played with the kitty.

On a more intimate note: He took my belt and pants off with his teeth! Lmao, I swear, it was the most sexiest thing I've ever seen him do. He even took the hook off my bra with his teeth, great love making that night. Not that you needed to know that or anything, but the passionate love  that I've wanted in our relationship was there, just like when we first started going out. It was beautiful, I was really sad to leave him the next day, but I had to get back home.

I changed my layout yesterday, it took me hours to find one that I really liked, but I finally did and I'd really appreciate it if you had a look and left a comment in my cbox. I love comments ^.^ If you leave one in mine, I'll do the same for you, that goes for journal comments. It's only polite.

Tim, Shiralee, Joe and I will probably be going to Joes or Tims tomorrow night for a few drinks. Last time we went to Joes and he got mudshakes, I had abit of his, Oh Mah God, it was so damn nice! Lol. So I'm getting them this time.

My sleeping patterns have been really out of wack. I slept from 2 am yesterday to 6 pm today, it's terrible! When school starts up again and I get a job, I really need to get my sleeping patterns back into order.

Take care and stay safe
~Leah

 << Lmao

10th January 2008 - 1:45 pm

First of all. On the first of January me and Tim had a long talk and got back together, we went to see a movie, we saw 'Aliens Vs Preditor' it was ok, I like the Alien movies better. Last night I stayed the night at his place, the romantic passion was certainly there. We talked for literally hours, we laughed and played with the new kitty. It was really great, just like old times except better.

My New Years Resolutions;

1. To graduate from highschool - I've failed grade 11 twice now, I just cannot stand the kids at the school, I really can't. When I sit in the classroom and I here people behind and in front of me talking about who kissed who and whatever, it just really annoys me and I end up telling them to stfu, then I get in trouble. If I'm going to bother to turn up at class, I actually want to learn something. So I'm going to do year 12 at TAFE, the people there are older, they actually WANT to learn, they're paying money to be there, they're not there because their parents made them so I figure I've got a good shot. This new years resolution is a MUST.

2. Quit smoking - Yes, I know I posted a journal post saying I was going to quit, but Mum got home and she smokes and she got me tailer mades, it's really hard to quit when I'm living with a smoker and Tim smokes too and yeah, I'm smoking again -.-' But this year, I have to quit smoking!

3. Get a job - It's sad, I've never had a job before and I'm about to turn 18. To start off I'll just get a check out chick job or something, but then I want to apply to be a receptionist at a Real Estate Agent and work there while I get my license to sell or rent houses.

4. Save money - I finally got myself a bank account last year, I've got about $8 in it right now. Every time I get paid, I WILL put a certain amount of money in it and not spend it "Out of sight, out of mind" is certainly the case with me. If there is money in my wallet or around me that is mine, I'll spend it, it's a terrible habit.

5. Be happy - There is no real destination for this one like getting a job, once you get it, you've achieved your goal. This new years resolution is just remidning me to appreciate all that I have and be happy with myself and what I have.

6. Get a tattoo - I've been waiting to get a tattoo for a few years now. I'm not going to be stupid and get a big tattoo in the moment, I have a few ideas of what I want to get that really mean something to me and I will get a tattoo this year. I'll take pictures and post them.

7. Start photography - It's more of a hobby really. I've always wanted to get into photography, I have myself a Deviant Art account for this purpose. I also want to learn Photoshop and whatnot but I do want to start taking pictures of my family, friends and anything beautiful that I see. We've never really been into taking pictures of our family but I think it's really important so yeah.

8. Join the RSPCA - I want to give back and help out. I'll either volunteer at the Salvation Army or something in my city. I love animals and I really want to do my part to make the laws tougher of animal killers.


If anyone else has their New Years Resolutions, please do leave a message. Wish me luck on fulfilling my goals and I wish you all luck in yours.

Take care
~Leah

7th January 2008 - 10:14 pm

We read the romance books and we watch the romance movies. The guy stands out the girls window and throws small rocks to wake her up and take her for a moonlit walk. Whatever happened to the love letters that the paper looked so old, the writing in script and the red silk ribbon wrapped around it?

I've been wondering about this for over a year now. I'm soon be to 18, been with Tim for over a year and in that time, he's written me two love letters. Both of them forced out of him. Our anniversary card, I bought it myself for myself and made him write on it. What is that?

Have we cheapened ourselves? Don't we expect romance anymore? Of course, I'm not trying to live in a fairytale of the love letters I spoke of before. A post-it-note on my mirror just saying 'I love you baby' would suffice.

Women are more in control, we don't need a man to 'bring home the bread' anymore, we work, we make good money and hell, we mow our own lawns.

Is it too much to ask for a guy just to plan a romantic night out? Maybe it's just me, you don't see young couples courting and taking things slow, you don't see a man take the chair for a lady and let her sit first. You just don't. At least, I haven't.

You know what I would love? I would love it for a guy just to cuddle me at night, just to hold me when I cry, for as long as I need to cry. Even if he has no idea what's wrong and doesn't know how to fix it, just to say 'it's ok honey, I'm here for you'. I would love it if I just finished planting a small palm in the garden, I have dirt on me and the sun was bearing down for over an hour, if I came inside and he just picked me up and said 'baby, you look beautiful'.

Maybe....Maybe I do want to live in a fairytale. Maybe I do want a guy just to cuddle me at night and bring home a flower for me one day. Maybe I do want love letters and for him to tell me he loves me for no reason. Maybe I do want the white picket fence, the flower and herb garden out the back. Passion, serious passion, that's what I want. The kind of passion that moves a guy and a girl to do anything for the other person. To walk a million miles, to walk threw fire just to be with them, the kind of passion that will never end. Passion in teh kisses, passion in bed, passion in his eyes....


Romantic passion.

6th January 2008 - 10:19 pm

I'm so damn tired of having no money because I smoke so much that I have absolutly NO money right now, none in the bank and none in my wallet. Nothing. I've spent probably over a thousand dollars worth of smokes over this past year only. When I lived at Tims place, there were empty smoke packets everywhere, and they cost about 13 each packet, there was about $200 worth of empty packets on the ground.

My mouth tastes like an ashtray, not that I can taste it but before I started smoking, I kissed a guy that did smoke, it was discusting, lol. Tim smokes too so it'll be hard if he doesn't give up smoking aswell. My Mum also smokes and has been for 20 years and I'm living with her again, that'll be even harder.

I'll be able to start saving money for a car, finally instead of everything going to the smokes. My taste buds aren't working very good anymore, you can't enjoy food as good as you can without smoking.

Your mouth tastes so gross when you wake up in the morning, much worse then normal. Anyway, wish me luck.

5th January 2008 - 9:21 pm

First off, I hope you all had a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Years. Tim and I got back together on New Years Day. We had a really long talk before we decided to get back together, he opened up more then he ever has in all the time that I've known him. He told me that I'm one of the only people in the world that he trusts and he never wants anyone that he loves to be around when he gets angry and explodes. He said alot of other stuff but I think it's private between us two.

So on the first of January, he asked me on a date and so we went to the movies to see AvP, it was good, better then the first. I still like the Alien movies better though. I ended up staying the night at his place, we had a really good time.

I'm having alot of trouble sleeping lately, ever since Tim moved out it just seems weird to sleep alone. After almost a year of sleeping in the same bed with him, it's just odd. I can't just move over and wrap my arm around him, his arm fits so perfectly around me when we're asleep. For awhile I just hugged his pillow to sleep.

I'm using my brothers computer at the moment, mine isnt' working -.-'''' His keyboard is alot different to mine so it's very hard to type. I miss my computer. I'm a computer nerd. And I'm damn proud too. I love to play WoW ^.^ haha.

My kitty is so cute, she's next to me cleaning herself lol. I think my neighbour doesn't know when to quit. EVERYTIME I go out the backyard to hang the washing or feed the dog, he comes out and starts talking to me. He lives with his girlfriend and I find it very annoying that everytime I go outside, he comes out too without his shirt. Ugh. But one good thing came of it, I knew he would come out, so I went outside and brought the washing in and of course he came out and struck up a conversation. I took the oppertunity to ask him if he had any smoke papers. Because he smokes, he smokes tailer made ones though but he was going down to the shop anyway and bought me a packet. woo. Haha.

Mum comes home from Brisbane on Tuesday, I can't wait. Having no car to go anywhere, with my brother in the house all day, everyday is starting to get on my nerves.

Well I hope you all had a good New Years Day.

Take care
~Leah

30th December 2007 - 6:02pm
Listening to - A Perfect Circle - The Fiddle and the Drum
Feeling - Like I'm dying.

Last night at about 2am, me and Tim had a big fight and he broke the door, packed his bags and took a cab back to his Mums house. My eyes look like goldfish eyes from crying so much. It was a year, one month and almost two weeks. He said he'd been thinking about it for 2 weeks. I don't know if he meant moving out or breaking up is what he was thinking about. Probably both. I had my msn name as "Broken and Destroyed - You just threw the ONLY person that would have walked threw fire to be with you" and personal message as 'As the tears fall, I remember everything you've ever told me. Just yesterday you told me forever and ever'. I dreamt of him last night as I hugged his pillow, only to wake up to realise again that he's gone. He put his personal message as 'I had to leave so I could breath, I hate to fight, this is not what I want' with a broken heart after it. I planned my entire future around this man, we were going to get tattoo's on our thumbs, I misscarriaged with his baby, we were getting engaged next year, we moved in together, I met his family and he met mine.
 
No one will ever love him like I do. No one. And if he can't realise that I would have done ANYTHING for him, then he has no idea what he just threw away. Matt {a sleeze bag} asked me if me and Tim broke up. When I said yes, he immediatly started trying to get me to come over his house so he could do me. The idiot, I hate men like him.

In two months I'm getting my first tattoo, I have a few designs that I'm very interested in getting. I want to get a small one first though.

16th December 2007 - 2:33 pm

Wow, I haven't been up at this time in about a week. It's only 9 days until Christmas! I'm going to have to start sending Christmas cards and wrapping presents. Shesh.

I'm going to start applying for jobs soon so I can work on the Christmas holidays, then when I go to TAFE next year, I'll work on weekends and maybe after TAFE. Since I'm living with my Mum again, my youth allowance has been cut in half so I need a job to pay my share of the rent and bills. Tim needs to get a job pretty fast aswell.

It was Tim's Dads girlfriends, daughters 16th birthday this weekend. Did that make sense? Lol. Tim went with his Dad and his little sister went with them. I'm actually pretty nervous and scared about what's going on. Last time he went with his Dad, I was with him and while I was asleep in the next room, Tim did drugs for the first time with his Dad. It took him 5 months to tell me. I've been down the drugs road, it's just like 'been there, done that' kind of thing. You know? It's not a pretty thing to do, it messes you up really bad and I don't want to have to go threw all that again.

Since Tim is now 18, he can drink legally and there will of course be alcohol and drugs at that party and I'm scared that Tim will get completly smashed and do something stupid like cheat on me. Even if he doesnt' cheat, I can't be with him if he's going to do drugs again. I told him last time that if he ever did drugs again, I can't stay with him, maybe he won't tell me if he does it then? Ugh, I'm thinking too much.

Lol, I've been cleaning since about 5 am -.-'''' I was putting up picture frames at 8am, the neighbours must hate me. Haha. Actually, they're having a party right now, they invited me last time, but they smoke cones and I really don't want to get into it so I didn't go.

I've been thinking about what I want to do with my life. I know that next year I'll finish year 12 at TAFE but what about after that? I'm only 17 so I know I don't need my whole life planned right now but I want to have some idea of where I'm going. For a few years I wanted to be nothing but a hair stylist, but I've really gone off the idea this year. Then I thought about being a therapist, then back to a hair stylist and now I'm thinking about going into real estate. Lol. I think I'll just do check out chick job while I'm doing year 12, then I'll apply at a real estate agency, hopefully being a receptionist and then I might go into rentals, then get a license and then I can sell houses. I get the commission then so that'll be good money. THEN, lol, I was thinking of buying a house and renting it out, so the tenants will pay the morgage off and then I can buy another house and pay that one off the same way and make more money. Lol. I ultimatly want to be an author, but I can't rely on that for a career, it takes time, but eventually.

Tim comes home today sometime, I rang his Mum to see if he was there but they haven't been there either so they're still at the party. A four day party. She told me that Tim had a really good time when they all went down to Marabourah and Tim saw his nieces. He has talked so much about them since he came home, every now and then he'll tell me something cute that they did.

Mum is healing from surgery really well, there's stitches that really need to be taken out tomorrow. Ever heard of Tv Rock - Flaunt it? It's a good song. Haha.


Take care
~Leah

11th December 2007 - 7:12 pm

I would like to start off by saying that I'm not trying to offend anyone religious. I would also like to say that this topic came to my attention from a tv show called 'John Safron vs God' and the credit for the idea must go to him. I would also like to say that I'm not a complete athiest, I'm undecided.

I have moved houses, it's been very busy and I've been without the internet, yes, poor me. I only moved about 7 blocks down from my last residance but on a Saturday morning, I was awoken by a knock at the door. In my PJ's, I put a robe around myself and answered the door. A man with his wife were standing there, they asked to talk to my parents, I would like to point out that my parents are divorced. The man and the woman were Jehovah Witnesses, I have nothing against JW's in general, I feel as though they are brainwashed. My Mum spoke briefly to them, she said
"Ah, my cousin is a JW"
They seemed quite pleased, but of course I am only assuming that they were. They asked if she needed anything. She said no and that her cousin gives her everything she needs.

As I was watching a tv show the next night, it was on JW's. Now, say I was an athiest, and I wanted to educate all religious people how they are wasting their lives, I wanted to 'enlighten' them in the ways of being an athiest. Would you appreciate me coming around at 8 in the morning, after you've had a good Friday night and start talking to you about my personal religion? I seem to think not. So why do the JW's {And I will get to other religions} think that they can just rock up at my home and start to 'educate' and 'enlighten' me on their personal religion and beliefs.

I do understand that when you are apart of a religion, you don't want others that are of the 'wrong' religion to burn in hell. You want to save them from their sins so they may have ever lasting life.

What if it's all for nothing? Maybe it is, maybe it's not, do I have the right or the audacity to come to your home, uninvited and 'show you the way'? I think not.

Please, have some courtesy and respect.

Take care
~Leah

21st November 2007 - 6:15 pm


So, as you all know, I agree with Quizilla! and the lemon banning. But does that give
SoraYukiKHFBAnimeLover the right to call me a fag? I have nothing against those that are gay, just because I appreciate the womans body, does that give her the right to call me a bitch, a fag, a whore, an idiot?

She also told me that I should go and sit in a dark corner and cut myself. Is that okay? I most certainly think not.

I told her that sex scenes are porn, she said that sex scenes aren't porn unless it has a picture in it {yes, I laughed about her aswell}. When I told her she said this:

From:SoraYukiKHFBAnimeLover
To:Stained.Kisses
Sent:Mon Nov 19 22:12:50 2007
a reply to: 42330821:


You are a FUCKING ass ok you have some FUCKING nerve sending me messages and crap telling me what you think porn is you must be some expert what do you go on porn sites and look it up like the little fag you are.

Does she think that all gay people go to porn sites and get themselves off? I find this highly offensive, not only to myself, but to all people that are bi sexual, bi curious and gay.

She then told me to go fuck myself and that I need writing lessons. I had a really good laugh about that, SHE is telling moi to take writing lessons? I found that absolutly hilarious.

So I read her story, it wasn't to my liking but I didn't go around blowing my own horn saying how crap it was.

She then proceeded to say:


From:SoraYukiKHFBAnimeLover
To:Stained.Kisses
Sent:Wed Nov 21 1:06:09 2007
a reply to: 42343671:

i fell asleep reading one of your stories you do NOT know how to set a mood you little goth emo girl, now go sit your dark corner and cut yourself

Uhhh, I only have one story and at least I came up with my own characters. This girl makes me absolutly sick, she asked me how long I've been on Quizilla! Almost from the start to answer her question. Three years to be exact. Does anyone else find this absolutly wrong of her to call me a faggot and to imply that I'm goth/emo and that I cut myself?

16th November 2007 - 9:51 pm

Today, Tim graduated from highschool. None of his family went along, so I went to watch him get his certificate. I was so proud of him that he stuck in there and graduated. After we got home, Tim let me cut off his hair. Now, this may not seem like a big deal, but he's had his hair long for about 3 years now. And in the last 6 months, he didn't brush it, so it was turning into natural dread locks. There was stuff stuck in there and all round, it just didn't look good. We went out the back and I gave him the hair cutting sissors and he got off the first dread. Then I cut off the rest. He looks so much better. He has always been damn attractive, but I tell you, he's f*cking hot. The length of his hair is now just past his ears, it used to be past his shoulders. I love his new haircut.

Today my Mum rang me, she's doing ok. Because she missed her flight, she cannot have her surgery until the 28th of November. So she's coming back here in a few days to get the rental house ready and everything. Yay. I will still be so worried about her when she goes into surgery but I'm glad that it won't be for another week or so : D

I've got to ring my brother in the morning about his school uniform. Tim said to me after the pictures were taken 'what do I do now'. I thought it was so cute. His best friend graduated today aswell, Joes Mum was there so she took pictures of Tim and Joe up on the stage and then of me and Tim. I'm so happy that he graduated!!

Take care
~Leah

15th November 2007 - 10:36 pm

So today I have been in a very shit mood. And I've basically abused the fuck out of anyone that was posting chain letters that want to save their pornographic lemons.

So listen up b!tches. You MUST be at least 18 to read sex scenes on adult sites, you must be at least 18 to watch a sex video. AKA PORN. Quizilla! is NOT an adult site, meant for sleezy sex scenes.

If you are THAT pathetic and discusting that you need to get yourself off by reading about Gerard Ways sexual fantasy, then go and write some yourself and keep it to....YOURSELF. Or go to an adult site and read it there. Get your little cunts all wet from fantasising about some character, doesn't bother me. Just don't write your rubbish on here.

Download some porn if you're that desperate to get yourself off. Quizilla! has an age limit on here. Those under 14 cannot be on this site. Those that are 14-17 still cannot legally read the rubbish sex scenes on this site. Quizilla! would be breaking the law by letting you horny cunts write and read such gross sh!t. This is a quiz site, a poem site, a story site, a place to make friends and write about your day and feelings. NOT to write about your sexual fantasies, NOT to post chain letters and post requests to chat or to have cyber. Are you a pervert? Do you like this kind of stuff? Besides, you can blame the Quizilla! users for writing about incest and rape, make it look GOOD and enjoyable ane then post it. I got some advice for you, rape isn't fun, it isn't enjoyable, it hurts, you scream, you have nightmares for years to come. Trust me, I know.

And just in case, the title was to attract the retards of Quizilla that want to keep these twisted sex scenes. Go borrow your Mothers vibrator or something, you dads porn magazine, whatever, I dont' care, just don't do it here on Quizilla.

You all seem to think that Quizilla has just recently banned sex scenes. Uh NO. Sex scenes have been banned for a year now, they are only now cracking down on you losers. Good on them, about time. You lot obviously didn't bother to read the terms of use and what's allowed here. Go and read it now, get a little bit of an idea what's allowed on Quizilla! and then either shape up or ship out.

Have some fucking guts and post a fucking comment, you're guaranteed a response.

::Edit:: I have noticed with these people that repost the chain letters trying to 'save' their oh so wonderful sex scenes, that ALOT of them have something to do with anime in their name. I have nothing against anime, just an observation that I made. Also, ALOT of them seem to be under 16. I find that disturbing.

Mmkay, so what if you all were to 'win' and Quizilla! let sex scenes on this site, you do realise that by law, Quizilla! MUST make this site 18 years or older. What is so great about reading about someones penis going into a vagina? Why do you all love this so much that you would post this crap over and over again? Most of them are poorly written anyway!

Do you actually think that putting 1 000 usernames on that chain letter will get anywhere? Did you not read the part where it said 'no chain letters allowed?'. Do you think that Quizilla! is actually going to take this chain letter seriously when they despise them? Anyone could have just put random names on the thing anyway, this 'petition' of yours is going to get you no where. And just so you know, posting chain letters, whether in journal posts or not, can and will get you deleted. Huh, I think that will get rid of most of the morons on this site ^.^

::End of Edit::

15th November 2007 - 10:17 pm

I thought today was Tims graduation, so I went along to see him graduate. Turns out it's tomorrow so I'm going along to see him graduate since none of his family will be going -.-' I think that's pretty slack and very sad. If I had a camera that works, I would take pictures but there is already pictures that are going to be taken so we'll get a copy. Tims formal was tonight, but earlier this year he got into a fight and was suspended so he can't go to his formal. And his best friend Joe hugged his girlfriend just outside the school and got suspended, so he can't go either. So what we're going to do is have our own kind of formal. Me and Tim will get dressed up, and Joe and Shiralee will aswell and we'll take pictures and have a good time at our house this weekend.

So because it wasn't Tims graduation, I went to go and get ice coffee and me and Bec had a smoke or three. Then we went to the shop so I could get some hair dye, it was suppose to turn out dark brown, it looks black, it is black. Oh well, it'll do : ) It looks better then having alot of re growth.

My Mum is doing ok for anyone who actually cares. She missed her flight on Tuesday, had her consultation today at 5:30 pm and maybe she will get her surgery tomorrow, I dont' know she only briefly rang me today so she could give me the number of where my brother is living.

My Mum owes me $650 so if I talk to her tomorrow, I'll get her to put that into my bank account. I've also got to see Centrelink soon so my money will go into my new bank account instead of Christines. I'll be able to get something nice to wear for our pretend formal. I went into a dress shop today and I tried on a nice dress, it was white with crystals on it, but it was see threw and so I didn't like it. There were other dresses, but I was in a rush. Kara tried on a short black dress, it didn't suit her that well but she looks good in alot of stuff.

I've GOT to start putting on weight. I swear that I'm trying to, I've went from 72kg and now I'm 52kg. I was 55kg and I was trying to put on weight and now I've lost three kilograms. Ugh. I also need to see the doctor next week.

Sometimes, I find myself wanting another guy. It's messed up. I love Tim. I really do, I'm attracted to him, I care for him, I'm in love with him. It's just that, he doesn't pay me any attention, he's too busy playing WoW all the god damn time. Every day, every night. I've come to resent the computer and the games that he plays.

I got a new belly bar today. I needed a proper one because the one that I have just wasn't helping my piercing heal. They said it would take 8 weeks, well I've had my piercing for about 16 weeks now and it's STILL not healed up. So I went to the jewlers with $100 and said that's all the money I have. I have had my eye on this gold belly bar with a flower on the bottom. Each petal was a different colour crystal. It was $140, the last time I went there, a lady said I could get it for $120 but I decided not too. When I talked to this lady, I got it for $99 so I bought it. I love it. Woo. I'm very happy with it and I'm glad I got a good quality belly bar : )

Over all, life is good. I can never complain because it could be so much worse.
Take care
~Leah

14th November 2007 - 12:32 pm

The settlement for Mums house went threw yesterday, she had to leave before the removal people finished packing the house so I had to over see it happen. I didn't get to say good bye properly to her. She missed her flight to Brisbane but got another one and her doctor agreed to see her right before her surgery. I'm so worried, I got the real estate agent to drive Mums car back to where I live so I can look after it for her. She briefly rang me last night but she was on a pay phone and was going to get cut off so she said that she'd ring me when she found a place to stay. I was so tired because I had no sleep the night before because I was helping Mum pack the house so I laid down but before that I told Christine and Tim that if my Mum rang, to wake me up because I have to talk to her. Christine went to bed and I asked Tim if my Mum rang last night, he said he didn't know. He probably went to bed soon after I did. So I probably missed her phone call last night. And then, I was half asleep when the phone rang this morning, in my dream Mum was with me so I thought it wouldn't be here ringing. I was half asleep and didn't realise. I just missed her when she rang for the second time. She is probably having her surgery right now, I'm so worried, what if she doesn't make it? I have such a bad headache right now from worrying and lake of sleep. When I looked threw Mums car, she had forgotten some of her pills!! But she can get a persciption from Brisbane hopefully. She needs her medication. She will be staying at the hospital for at least a day so if she is up to ringing me, then she will today, I'm going to stay by the phone until she rings to say that she's ok. She'll be in so much pain. I'm so worried. I see my therapist today but I'll have to get her to have the session at this house so if the phone rings, I can get it.

Riley is living at his friends place right now. I've got his uniform and bag so he can't go to school without them. Dad has rang the police so Riley will get to school. I didnt' mean to tell Dad that Riley was living with Josh and his family. But when Dad said Riley wasn't going to school, I knew it wasn't my Mums fault so I said that he was living with Josh. Crap. Dad doesn't really like Joshs' mum because she said she wouldn't take him and because Dad thinks she can't even make her son Josh go to school, how is she going to make Riley go?

It was my anniversary two days ago. I only spent an hour or two with Tim and he was playing Wow the whole time. The rest of the time, I was with Mum helping her pack. So it wasn't the greatest anniversary but oh well. We did get each other rings and I got him an anniversary card. He didnt' write me a love letter like I made him promise, I'm upset about that but it's not something that I'm worrying about right now.

It's exam week this week and I haven't been to any of my exams. I didn't have the guts to tell my Dad that though. I've just been really stressed out about Mum and helping her pack and now my exams are probably over. And even if they weren't, I hardly went this term so oh well. I've decided I'm going to TAFE next year to do year 11 and 12 in one year there. Because at school, the stupid students interupt the teacher over and over and I can barely learn anything. If I am going to bother myself to go to class, I want to learn something, otherwise I've got other stuff to do. But at TAFE, they are there becase they WANT to be there, not because their parents are making them. And they're at least 17 there, so hopefully they'll be a little more mature then the idiots at school.

Tim was mad at me because I wasn't there on our anniversary and I'm not telling him what's going on. I feel really bad about it, but if I didnt' help Mum pack, it wouldn't have been ready and we had to get out of the house by 2:30 yesterday, she would never have been able to get her surgery done so I had too. I couldn't do anything about it, it just sucked that my anniversary was the day before moving day but oh well. I told Tim everything that was going on to fill him in. He was ok after that.

I've sent Mum two emails. I dont' know Joshs' number to talk to his Mum about coming here to get the school stuff. And I dont' know where Mum is staying right now. I dont' know the number of the friends she was going to stay after she came out of surgery. And the surgery was on her face so I dont' even know if she will be able to talk to me or tell the nurse to ring me and just say that she's ok.

The moving people creeped me out. The younger one was doing his job but the older one, after the real estate agent left and Mum had to go he just kept coming back to where I was, I was in the bathroom getting more stuff to pack and he basically cornered me there. I was really scared. But nothing happened so that's good. He took alot of stuff that we didn't want and the new owners didn't want. He dropped the antique chest down the stairs. I was SO mad about that. Then he was banging the sides in to try and get them to go back in, I walked past and said 'be careful with that, It's antique'. I dont' think he was impressed by me saying that but I dont' really care, that was a family pass down. I was going to get that and so was my daughter so I was really mad but whatever. Stuff happens.

I'm just waiting for Mum to ring me right now, she's probably in surgery but I'll wait until she rings or someone else rings to say that she's ok.

Take care
~Leah

9th November 2007 - 7:37 pm

Only three more days until my one year anniversary with Tim : ) We got each other rings, we've still got to get them engraved though. We're going to put a love heart on there and then our name. His will say {love heart} Tanaya and vica versa. I got him a silver ring with black on it and he got me a silver ring with one bigger cubic zirconia and little ones all around it.

It turns out that we won't be able to get a rental house until next Thursday and Mum will be in Brisbane then so she can't sign the papers, so it'll be a few weeks until I move : ( That really sucks.

I told Tim about how I don't come during sex. I didn't actually tell him that I've never come, I just said that in the last few months, I haven't. He handled it really well, it was good, I felt really bad lieing to him but it's ok now.

Today, Tims little sister Kara, she's 13 went to school and a kid in her class showed her a video of a 22 year old man getting his head cut off. Kara didn't think it was real so she was ok but someone told a teacher about it and the police were rung. Kara and other kids that had seen it had to have an interview with the police, it was recorded and everything. They told her that it was real and she started crying. She came home crying aswell. I feel so bad, she should have never witnessed something like that. It was a hostage from Iraq being killed. She said it was very clear and he was screaming. Her Mum just got home and they're talking about it now, she's still upset. Ugh, the stupid boy showing it to kids. She'll probably have nightmares now.

My Mums boyfriend broke up with her about a week or so ago and now he wants to date this other girl. My Mum is shattered, she was crying really bad today. I felt so helpless. I didn't know what to say, she already has basically no self esteem, Dad always treated her like shit for the 20 years they were together and now, he treats her like this. She thinks that she's worthless and she will never be loved. She was cutting for awhile but she's stopped now. And she was drinking today so she couldn't come and pick me up, I said that I could take a taxi over there but she said she didn't want me to see her crying and not only that, she was probably going to try and get some sleep. She took two valium today, it's perscribed to her.

The world has some great evil in it, it really does. It's sad to see a loved one so hurt like that. I don't know how to cheer my Mum up, even a little bit. She's leaving on Tuesday to go and have surgery, I don't know if she's up for it. After being abused by my Dad for so long and then almost dying, she has been on the computer for a long time, about 5 years. And it's become an alternate world for her, she's not comfortable in herself to go out and not confident either. I think she's the most beautiful person, inside and out, but she doesn't see it, she doesn't believe me when I tell her. What can I do to help her?