umikaiba3173's Journal

Hey guys... some of you may know that the guy on "I need Advice 1,2 and 3." and I broke up... yes, we did. He told me that he couldn't go on anymore and that he didn't want to be with me any longer. I, of course, felt hurt... but I didn't show it. I just smiled at him and asked him why... he ignored my question and just stayed silent... It crushed me... I mean, there I was thinking that this guy and I would last longer than this (5 months) but, shamefully accept that he doesn't need me anymore. This is the first break up I've ever had that hurt me. We agreed to be friends... and I just nodded and smiled even when deep down I felt so empty.

When I saw him the next day I felt something inside of me saying: "There he is." and another one saying: "He's no longer yours." It basically torn me to shreds knowing that the guy I once held hands with, cuddled with, went on dates with, and the guy who told me I love you is no longer mine. I know I don't own him, but still I felt incomplete... and no I am not quoting the BackStreet Boys. This is just what I feel. I still love him. Hard to believe? Not really. I just really do... I guess he was my first love and I always wanted him to be my last but I guess my one simple wish didn't come true.

I once saw him smiling with his friends and laughing but when I passed with my friends he stopped and looked my way. I, of course, looked down, knowing that I couldn't stand looking into those eyes that once were filled with love, now filled with nothing. I didn't cry, I never cried after the break up... even if I wanted to I just kept it all inside... I don't know if I did or said something wrong on my part as the girlfriend but... it hurts, you know?

When I saw him this morning... I just stared at him and then I realized that he turned around and held my gaze for about 5 seconds then I turned away... I mean, he still acknowledges my presence as I do to his... but I'm not used to this feeling of being unatached. When we were marching at the CAT (Citizen's Army Training), me being an officer I saw him meet my gaze from time to time... I see him stealing glances but I don't know... I just can't read his expressions anymore... When I see my friends with their Boyfriend's I feel left out... but everytime I tell myself to forget him, I just end up staring at him... I know it may seem pathetic to your part, but please understand that I really love this guy and I can accept unto letting him go even if it hurts... but I need advice unto which I may know how to handle this feeling of emptiness inside... Thank you.

Hey guys, the guy I've been talking about on 'I need advice 1 & 2' became my boyfriend. I know, we've been going out for 3 months. At times I feel like he really like me but at other times I don't really feel it. He told me 'I love you' twice on the phone. Sometimes I even ask my friends if they think he's serious with me. One says that he is and the other one says that he might just be playing with me. I'm scared. I know that a lot of girls feel this way if they're in a relationship. When we go out and hang he holds may hand or put his arms around my waist. One time we went to a concert and he hugged me from behind. I felt so happy that moment but my other friend. (Frenzi) I really don't know what her problem is but everytime I ask her if she thinks he's serious she tells me that he's not. My friend (Chantal) told me that Frenzi might just be jealous cause all this time she thought my boyfriend had a crush on her but proved her wrong when he asked me. Frenzi has a boyfriend but they aren't as affectionate as my boyfriend and I are. Once, I went over to the house of Frenzi's boyfriend and asked him to buy the concert tickets for me since the concert was at his parents resort. He accepted and when I went back home I received a message from him saying that he 'missed me'. I asked him 'huh?'. Then he sent 'I love you'. I stared at my phone and replied 'are you ok? what happened to you?'. He then replied 'haha, just kidding, see you at the concert!'. I just shrugged it off.

Whenever I'm with my other pals they keep on asking me if my boyfriend kissed me yet. I always reply 'no'. Some of them say that he might not really like me. But the majority told me that he respected me and didn't want to put me in a situation I don't want to be in. Thats what I think too.

Please leave me some comments and advice if you know what is really going on?
Thanks.

Hey, Thanks to those who gave me advice ^^

Today we danced ballroom dancing and after a while we stopped for a break, I don't know why but I felt something in my gut so I turned around and found myself staring into his eyes. It shocked me! We made absolute contact but I turned away. -_-. When school ended I rode the bus with my friends and when we were boarding his friends were catching up to us. So we went in and I sat at the far end. There were two people beside me and he was beside them. When I looked infront I looked at him for a while but turned away when he moved. I pretended to look at my friend but at the corner of my eye I saw him looking at me. When it was his stop he stood up and said goodbye to his friends and while passing infront of me he kind of side glanced and went down... Our house are pretty close Mine was just a few houses away. ^^ Oh yeah... one more thing... a few weeks ago when I was still with my boyfriend I didn't really love him in a way... just got attracted. My bf and My crush got into a fight. People were saying that it was becasue of a gang thing some said it was because of some problem at school and some said it was because of ME. I didn't know what to do... Of course a girl would be flattered if two guys were fighting over her and all plus two HOT guys with great personalities.... YAY! My friend also thought it was because of me. I dunno they said it wasn't about me but I feel something, like I was the reason they fought. They're still fighting up to now...  

Does he really like me?

Were they fighting over me?

???

Hey, I felt happy when the school told me I would represent China on United Nations Day. YAY!  My crush sat at the bench in front of me at lunch time today. And I noticed he would sometimes steal glances at me. Does he like me? This question always seems to haunt me. When he stood up and passed in front of me with his best bud, he (best bud) said "Hey, ___(his name)! ___(my name)'s there... Ooohh..." I just turned my head away ignoring them. You see, a close friend of mine is madly in love with him too. I just don't wan't to hurt her so I didn't tell her that I liked her crush too. Some people said he likes another close friend of mine... but it isn't verified yet. ^^ When I arrived at school in the morning and I look down from the third floor to look at the students and all... I notice him (playing basket ball) he looked straight into my eyes at the same time. I turned around then and there.  When he pass by my classroom he sometimes looks at where I'm seated. And if he passes beside me I move away a little he just looked at me as if he didn't want me to do that. I just wanna know if he likes me... Do you think he likes me? At the school cheer dance, last month. My partner couldn't lift me up cause he had a broken arm so the teacher assigned him(my crush) to be my partner and he just grinned while his friends were saying "Oooh, man! she's your partner! Go!". And when I fell off doing some air stunt and made my leg bleed he told me to stop and just sit for a while. I told him I was fine but sat down for a bit anyway. He sat beside me and told me "Hey, you should take your shoes and socks off so that your wound won't get infected". I refused but he insisted and wanted to take them off instead. o.O I was shocked! When the teacher demostrated the stunts the guys had to hold our waists to hold us up while we cheered. (and no, I'm not a cheerleader) While the teacher demonstrated he put his hand on my waist and just kept it there till we had to do it. O.O

Does he like me? 

HELP!

Tell me what you think please. I'm desperate! ^^

Thanks in advance!