When I saw him the next day I felt something inside of me saying: "There he is." and another one saying: "He's no longer yours." It basically torn me to shreds knowing that the guy I once held hands with, cuddled with, went on dates with, and the guy who told me I love you is no longer mine. I know I don't own him, but still I felt incomplete... and no I am not quoting the BackStreet Boys. This is just what I feel. I still love him. Hard to believe? Not really. I just really do... I guess he was my first love and I always wanted him to be my last but I guess my one simple wish didn't come true.
I once saw him smiling with his friends and laughing but when I passed with my friends he stopped and looked my way. I, of course, looked down, knowing that I couldn't stand looking into those eyes that once were filled with love, now filled with nothing. I didn't cry, I never cried after the break up... even if I wanted to I just kept it all inside... I don't know if I did or said something wrong on my part as the girlfriend but... it hurts, you know?
When I saw him this morning... I just stared at him and then I realized that he turned around and held my gaze for about 5 seconds then I turned away... I mean, he still acknowledges my presence as I do to his... but I'm not used to this feeling of being unatached. When we were marching at the CAT (Citizen's Army Training), me being an officer I saw him meet my gaze from time to time... I see him stealing glances but I don't know... I just can't read his expressions anymore... When I see my friends with their Boyfriend's I feel left out... but everytime I tell myself to forget him, I just end up staring at him... I know it may seem pathetic to your part, but please understand that I really love this guy and I can accept unto letting him go even if it hurts... but I need advice unto which I may know how to handle this feeling of emptiness inside... Thank you.
Comments
@ 7:15 PM EST on Wednesday, September 16, 2009, KJ11 said:
Girl, I know you've been holding it all in, and that's hard. But when you know you're alone, let your feelings show. You need to let it out one day, and it's best not in front of him. I feel just like you do, only my used-to-be didn't even consider the "friends" option and made a whole lot of empty promises. And left my school. Talk about sad. But, anyway, back to you. This is a big deal, and letting it stay inside you... well... it might all come out when you least expect it. Let it out while you can. I get how you feel. Hope I helped some.@ 8:48 AM EST on Thursday, June 21, 2007, mo-cuishle said:
I have had many long term bf's but I guess you never get over the hurt of a breakup. But at least he didn't breakup with you for a gurl.I am just gonna say. Good luck.@ 3:24 AM EST on Wednesday, January 31, 2007, brenda19 said:
I'm going through a similar situation, my longterm boyfriend of a year just broke up with me.. And I know it's tough! Stay strong, pamper yourself, have fun. The best thing you can do is show him your doing just fine without him.. He will look back and regret ever losing you. Trust me. I know it hurts, but time will heal everything!@ 11:32 AM EST on Sunday, October 8, 2006, HeArTbRoKEnQtX03 said:
ii no iit hurts a lot iim goiin through tht but the thing iis ii show hiim ii love hiim he loves me 2 he is so comlicated and he has a gf n ii am wathcin hiim wiith her iit really hurts but u should let iim no u stiill love hiim u never no wut miite happen he stiill loves me but iidk wut he iis doiin wiith her boys r weird n complicated and ii hope everything works out 4 both of u cuz ii no how bad iit feels so neways iif u ever want 2 talk just message me and iif u ahve aim u can im me on heartbrokenqtx03 feel better@ 4:27 PM EST on Sunday, September 24, 2006, Jaycelynne said:
thats harsh and i never had a boyfeind but i'll give u advie i'm not good with love becuz a guy borke my heart and he hangs out with my friend.........not in that way she is his friend to..i'm not into him anymore...but if he keeps glancing at you and stealing glances,that means he stil loves you..some guys are fucking wried becuz they care about their reputation as if he deosn't nedd you anymore,if you stil oove him bak tell him how you feel and HOPEFULLY he'll understand some guys are stupid like uf you say"i'm cold" they'll say "me too".and it helps to cry@ 1:16 PM EST on Friday, September 15, 2006, mimo92 said:
He may not want to reveal his feelings because he may think that feminine and would make him less of a man. You know, the whole macho thing. Stereotypes and media affect guys just as much as girls. He may be silent because by admitting the reason, he'd be making your break-up official to him. He could just need a break or time to think. As I stated earlier, the only way to find out is to talk with him. You both owe that much to eachother. ~mimo92@ 1:12 PM EST on Friday, September 15, 2006, mimo92 said:
You'll have to talk this out with him to know where you both stand. It will be awkward, but it's the only way to know what's going on. You each owe eachother that much. At least, that's what I'd do in your situation. And I'd also try to keep this conversation as private as possible. Being interrogated by a horde os pissed of females is enough to frighten the bravest of men. Also, try to be as little intimidating as possible. He's not going to want to open up if you're jumping down his throat. That's how it is with me. I have severe trust issues, if I wanted to say something personal like that, I'd only do it if I knew for sure that it wouldn't get around. That's my advice, take it or leave it. ~mimo92@ 2:18 AM EST on Saturday, July 29, 2006, live.your.life said:
i'm sorry that you feel that way..but i think he still has feelings for you..don worry, everything is going to be alright..things are gonna turn for the better..if thats the decision that he wants, then let it be.i think you should just forget about this guy. sometimes, you just have to let go.. let go of that one person you love most. maybe there's someone better out there for you..i know its hard for you to just forget about him, but just try it. occupy yourself so you wont be thinking about him anymore..try to move on...i hope things go well for you ok.. good luck!@ 9:17 AM EST on Saturday, July 15, 2006, munkypudin said:
IT'S OK MY FRIEND, IT'S OK. *pats back* i think it's fine that ur not crying over this guy, and u know what that means? UR STRONG! HA! and, i think u shouldn't think about this guy TOO much, and u should stay happy! OK! GOODLUCK!!!@ 10:28 PM EST on Thursday, July 13, 2006, djbock said:
I'm not the best with advice but if he keeps glancing at you maybe he still cares and maybe he's feeling a little empty too...you never know...guys are frieking wierd....but ya know, i think you'll be ok because eventually someone else will come along and make you feel the same or maybe better than you did for him...@ 8:04 AM EST on Thursday, July 13, 2006, Yumi-chan009 said:
I've never personally went through the experience of losing someone like a boyfriend, but I can imagine how hard it can be. Right now, you shouldn't be alone. If you begin to aviod people now, like friends and family, you will become more lonely and feel worse. What you need to do is have a spend the night party with a few of your gal pals and just have fun. Try to forget about him by having fun. Cover old torn memories with new fun ones. I love you! If you ever want to talk, you know where I am.@ 7:41 AM EST on Thursday, July 13, 2006, ajw9491 said:
Having your first love be your last isn't a simple wish. I've never been through a breakup, but my heart has definately been ripped out before. Maybe you should talk to him, ya know? Maybe next time you see him if you can get him alone, you can ask him why he broke up with you, and tell him it hurt you. That's all I have to give on this topic. I'd give you the usual (like i say to everyone else) but this is a different situation. Best of wishes with whatever you do, and I hope you feel better sometime soon. PS. You are an extremely good writer (from this entry).@ 7:38 AM EST on Thursday, July 13, 2006, JustAnotherLonelyDreamer said:
Well, for most people, it helps to cry. Well, when I experience a heartbreak, I usually do what I love to do the most. Like singing and hanging with my friends. It helps me get over it and gets my mind off the situation. So maybe you should start doing more stuff that will occupy your time so you won't be thinking about him...Hope I helped!