We were at assembly yesterday, and I was messing around with Biggs. She wanted to see my wristband (which hides my scars), but I wouldn't let her. She fuckin' tore it off of my arm, exposing my gashes. Today, none of my friends would look at me; only Chris would speak to me, but only because he had no idea what had happened.
I told Chris after school today that I had been cutting for the past year or so, but that I had stopped for a couple months (which is true). He is the only support I have right now. I didn't expect everyone to abandon me like this. I had the strongest urge to cut tonight; "If I could just replace my emotional pain with physical..." I managed to make myself throw away my razor, though.
I'm just so ashamed at what I've become. I've definetely hit bottom, but could I still bounce back? I really need some help with this. Support would really be a life-saver right now....
Comments on x-MiserablyYours-x's Journal
Oh, shit. They all found out.
Posted at 12:37 AM EST on Thursday, April 13, 2006
Comments
@ 7:28 AM EST on Tuesday, April 18, 2006, BlackSoulOngoing said:
I use a wristband to hide my gashes. If your friends find out and don't try to help, they probably aren't real friends. BE strong and do what you feel is right. I try to stop cutting by writing instead. Maybe you should try it!@ 6:40 PM EST on Sunday, April 16, 2006, Iplay4NikkiSixx said:
I used to cut myself and not everyone can get out of it the same way I did. The love of my life stopped me and I stopped him. I think you need to go to the people who abandoned you and try to tell them what's really going on. You should also tell your parents because you can get help. I went into therepy and got so much help not just from my therepist but from the boy that I will forever love. My latest journal is on here so please check it out. Get help and you can talk to me I know how it feels.@ 3:14 PM EST on Saturday, April 15, 2006, xdepressedxkidx said:
the same thing kinda happened ta me once..my friend wuz at my house and she wanted ta c my wristband but i just kept on tryin ta change the subject and asking y to get around it...and well b4 ya know it she's chasing me around my room trying ta c my cuts...*sigh* -_- and that bitch promised she woodnt tell but here's she goes about 2 months l8r tellin 1 of my friends(also a cutter)..or thats where my friend said she heard it from anywayz...then 3 of my other friends know too...2 b/c i told em. they're goin thru almost the same thing and couldnt really keep it from them any longer..and the other found out in conversation. i wanted to tell her anywayz just couldnt....they all didnt turn on me tho like ur friends did...im glad that u stopped and thru away ur razor..iv tried to stop but its hard. the longest that i didnt cut wuz a month (seemed like the longest month in my life) i just felt like shit all day and got pissed at world and every1 in it...i mite nvr b able to throw my blade away..but i have thrown my scissors at the wall a couple times and just stared at em while sayin in my mind "THIS IZ ALL UR FAULT U DAMN PIECE OF CRAP!!" ^^' srry im just rambling on rnt i?...yeah thats wut i thot *sigh* well feel free to message me if ya want...anytime..anyplace...at any given moment in this world...uhh yeah.. ~Mel~ (wow that wuz long)@ 10:28 AM EST on Friday, April 14, 2006, XxXdarkxcoldXxX said:
...on throwing away your razor. i hated it when people found out, they think of you as somebody totally different.@ 2:07 AM EST on Friday, April 14, 2006, maidugirl said:
I'm glad you at least have your friend Chris! It sucks when so called friends turn their back on you. But just think they really weren't true friends. True friends are there thru thick and thin! I hope you continue to stay strong its not easy subject to talk about but its a step foward! GOOD LUCK!@ 8:22 PM EST on Thursday, April 13, 2006, Velvetsabre said:
Hey, my friends spazed out too when they saw the scars all over my arms. but, even if your friends wont talk to you, remember--there are people out there who are like you. You are not alone. Msg me sometime if u need to talk to someone...gawd, you must be strong for throwing away your razor. i tried giving it up, but i couldn't. Stay strong.@ 6:31 PM EST on Thursday, April 13, 2006, RomanceChick250 said:
You do have a lot of courage for throwing away your razor. I don't know you but I'm so proud of you! It's also incredible that you stopped cutting yourself but I wish your friends didn't react the way they need. They of all people should know that you need support the most right now. I'm sorry for that. However, my advice is to get close to Chris. He's a real friend. He's staying by you no matter what and that's all that matters. Try to tell your friends that you've stopped and you just want to be friends with them again. If they're true friends, they'll still love you no matter what. So just hang in there. Everything will be okay in the end. I'm here to talk if you want! Good luck! ~Rommy@ 2:24 PM EST on Thursday, April 13, 2006, Puppyzilla13 said:
Except my friends haven't left me like that and I haven't been cutting for very long. But now I think me cutting has f*cked everything up with my friends....I promised myself that I'd stop, and right now I'm really depressed AND I'm sick, and my friends are all worried that I'm gonna really hurt myself. One of my friends isn't talking to me, because she says she "has to punish me" because I have no reason to cut, and so that's made me even more depressed right now....:( Feel free to message me ANYTIME if you need someone to talk to. Right now...I'm gonna go try and talk to my friends and get myself out of this mood. P.S. Good job on throwing away the razor! :)@ 6:00 AM EST on Thursday, April 13, 2006, remmy. said:
Cutting now days is a phase. If your friends neglected the fact that you've been depressed for about a year (since you started cutting), then maybe you should re-consider who your friends should be. I myself, used to "slit wrists" and everyone else found out about it too. Only they helped me instead of shunning me. Find someone trustworthy to confide in and tell them what's really going on inside of you. I hope this helps.@ 5:20 AM EST on Thursday, April 13, 2006, smitho said:
Omg, its ok, i know how you feel. i know it seems weird for me to leave a comment as im a complete stranger but im going through a situation like you at the moment too. if you ever feel like you need to talk to me just do so ok?? its good that your trying to take a stamnce by throwing your razor, thats bravery and also shows you dont want anything to happen! i know that your friend Chris will help you, coz he is going to hopefully be a true friend as the chick above me said too. your other friends probably want to help you to, but especially it being the first time they have seen they were shocked.. i hope that everything gets settled out!! feel better!! if you mlike you can talk to me (no need to say details or anything but i just thought if you wanna relate to someone else!!) anywho.. hope your day improves!! love m xoxo x x Smith..@ 4:36 AM EST on Thursday, April 13, 2006, GoddessofChaos888 said:
be strong sweety! and regarding ur friends there not really anigood at being ur friends if they just abandon u. u tend 2 learn who ur true friends r in situations like these. i sure did. i stoped cutting couple yearsago, i neva relly cut 2 deep so u cant see them ani more thankfully. just hang in there. i kno u dont enen kno me but if u wanna talk then just message me k. i found its easier 2 talk 2 some 1 who a) has been there and B) wont judge u. i cant judge u as i dont really kno u and i dont kno ur situation. with friends it can b difficalt as their 2 emosionally invested in u. if u get my meaning. i would b really niced 2 talk 2 u. if only 2 support u. i kmo some days i have an erge 2 start again. just remember 2 be strong and hang in there sweety. gd luck i hope u succeed! remember dont let the basterds grind u down! scarlett xx