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Latest Journal Entry

January 26, 2010

Oh hai. :]

Heya guys.

Yeah, I know. Take a second. Pause. Adjust your eyes. Gabby's posting a journal again. She's not dead. I'll allow you a moment to recuperate.

I'll start off by coming clean - I haven't been very nice to you guys in the past couple of months. I understand that. The first step to fixing a problem is admitting that there is one, though, right? So we're getting places.

God, that last journal I wrote seems like so long ago. Even though it was just September, like four and a half months ago. But time tends to do that now that I'm getting older, go so much faster than it feels like it should. Maybe that's just a part of growing up, but I can't say I'm personally a fan.

I don't really have any good excuse for not having been on here a lot. I won't lie to you. The only reason I haven't been writing a lot is because life happens sometimes.

Let's see. Lemmie read back over my last journal to see what I said.

I said a handful of things.

- People were bitching about the contents of my story not being very nice.

- I tended to disappear for lengthy periods of time.

- School was starting.

- I had an interview set up for a job at Hot Topic.

- I was starting two new stories.

As of now, this is what has come of said handful.

- People are still bitching about the contents of the stories not being nice.

- I still disappear for days at a time.

- School is in full-swing, and I'm not doing so well.

- I HAD a job at Hot Topic.

- I only started one new story.

Address numero uno. The complaining that my stories aren't tutti-frutti. I don't really think I helped myself out on that one with Would It Matter. And to all the people who messaged me to tell me that they were crying? I don't mean to sound like a bitch by saying this, but I'm glad you cried. That's what I was after with that one - it was meant to pluck your heartstrings.

So I definitely got a little testy on my little mini rant there in that last journal, but I can't say it wasn't deserved of some people. Certain things rub me the wrong way, and when you tell me I don't deserve to be a Tokio Hotel fan because of the things I write using them as characters, then you're pushing some buttons that really shouldn't be pushed. I love them, they're my favorite band, so screw you if you think that making up stories, which I've made clear are fictional, makes me unworthy of being a fan. Cover your complaints in sandpaper and stick 'em someplace I won't mention. Love you, boo! <3

No, but really, though. I'm well aware by now that there's not usually very many things in my story that make you "aww". Well, not "aww" as in happy "aww", but maybe "aww" as in what-the-hell "aww". Yano. Differences abound here. People message me sometimes and they're like, "your writing is really good, but damn, you're mean to the characters!" Of course I am. Welcome to the world of writing stories. Without problems, there is no drama, and without drama, there is no plot, and without plot, there is no stories. It's a vicious food chain.

Not to be a nerd, but I think of it kinda like PacMan. The ghosts are the problem, the drama is the dots, the plot is the fruit, and the story is the PacMan. PacMan, the story, needs the dots and the fruit, the drama and plot, in order to get anywhere. The whole point of PacMan is to get the dots, right? But, while you're doing this, the ghosts, the problems, are after you, and they're tricky little bastards. They're bound to wiggle their way into the equation sometime. But, you're PacMan, dammit. You can take on a few little ghosts. Eventually, after going at it for some time, PacMan has fully consumed all the dots and fruit, and even took on some ghosts. He needs this to be completely full. Translation, in human terms, a story really needs to have drama and plot, and the problems are what you have to overcome to get these things.

I'm good at analogies. I'm also quite good at PacMan. :D

The truth of the matter is, I don’t know anyone who's a princess just sitting in a castle waiting for her flawless prince to come and sweep her off her feet. We all have our problems. We all have our inner rock stars. We all have our demons. We all have our dramas. We all have our thoughts. We all have our flaws.

I'm perfectly aware that I'm not writing you cotton candy fluff. Thanks for the memo, though.

Address numero dos. The fact that I randomly drop off the face of the earth for lengthy periods of time. Yeah, I know I do that. And I apologize. I don't hate you, I promise. Like I said before, I'm not gonna make excuses for myself.

Address numero tres. School. -Kills self-

Yeah, I was right about what I said about Junior year. It frekken' sucks. I'm currently failing Spanish and Math (and Food Science, but that's only because my teacher got Mono and she hasn't updated the grades since a few days before Christmas, which is when I handed in numerous assignments). And it's not so much that I don't understand, they just give you SO much work in those classes that it's almost impossible to keep up.

In Spanish, I'm failing because my teacher is a nazi and she sucks at teaching. She kind of just talks at us in super-fast Spanish, and expects us to just think about and make assumptions about the things we don't know. Our classes literally consist of just talking in Spanish. And if you make one tiny mistake, she jumps down your throat. I mean, I understand that she's trying to teach us the proper ways to speak the language. But she could, ya'no, actually TEACH us about it. And she came up with nicknames for us based on the first letter of our last name, and calls us by them. Most people have really sweet nicknames. My last name starts with a C, so she came up with "Caracol". Which means "snail". "Well you had Swine Flu and you were slow to make up your work!" No, I really wasn't, you just gave me 1.5x what you gave everyone else because you thought it would help me stay focused in Spanish.

And yeah, I did have Swine Flu incase I never said that on one of my very few updates. My immune system is still weak from when I had Mono last year, and there's the fact that it's naturally weak anyway, so I had it for like three weeks. It sucked. I was coughing so much that I was coughing up blood. It was gross.

Anyway. In Math, my teacher is horrible. I know it sounds like I continually blame my teachers, but unlike in Spanish where I'm one of the only three people failing, in Math, there are only three people in my class of 28 PASSING. I mean, yes, there are several people who are doing better than my whopping 11% (don't worry, I had a 4% in Health last year, and stuff like that takes actual effort), but still. It could also be partially about the fact that I've only been in like, 25 classes all year. Which isn't good, considering I've got the class every other day. I realized this when I went to go talk to the teacher to get the homework, and it was a review packet for the midterm on Tuesday (I'm beyond screwed). I went through it and realized, I had absolutely no clue what anything was. I was sitting there like, "Oh, haha, Mr. Teacherman. You're hilariously adorable. Now where's the real homework? Because nobody in their right mind knows this." Yeah, a couple blocks after that, I was just about the only one who didn't know it. And I have the same teacher last year, which I also didn't do so great during. He has to think I have a chronic problem with laziness. I kinda do, though. But this year, I've got math senioritis, since I don't have to take it next year. Or, I didn't think I'd have to. But I failed two quarters, so if I don't pass the year, my ass is back in Algebra 2/Trigonometry next year, since I can't take it in summer school (and wouldn't, anyway). So I spent tonight cramming for the exam (aside from, ya'no, writing this) and am just PRAY that it's enough to get me a decent grade.

As a brief interjection onto a lighter subject. I got cats! They're my babies. See!?

The orange one is Dexter, who my brother named after the TV show about the mass murderer (that's a reasonable comparison, a cat to a serial killer). The pepper one is Allea. Who I definitely didn't name after the character from Liebe Ist/So Wie Du Bist.

Life. I has one...

They're I think like three months old now, and they're getting to be so huge!

The first picture was November 20th, and the second one is from Christmas day when I was testing out my new camera on something other than myself...

The cats are a little cuter than I am. See...?

And yeah, on the bottom picture of them, that's my Teenaged Mutant Ninja Turtles t-shirt. I roll like that.

Address numero cuatro (Haha, is that even how you spell that? Like I said, I'm having an epic fail right now in Spanish). My job.

Remember how I thought Niki asking about my age was about Jake, the really cute guitar player from that band? That band is Youngbloods, and I would much like it if you would listen to them. Because they're very good. I know I mention a lot of bands and stuff, but really, these guys are amazing. I kind of expected them to be like 80% of local bands and suck, but then they started playing and I was like "Woooow..." Not a lot of good things come out of this little city, but these guys are definitely super ridiculously amazing. They're recording an album right now, actually, but they just put out a music video. I don't know why I'm whoring them to you, but they're really super amazing. www.myspace.com/youngbloodsband or you can go to Facebook and in the search bar type in Young Bloods. They're abnormally good.

Maybe it's just because Jake and I are amigos. Like you will see below.

Okay yeah, Joey (on the left) randomly jumped in the picture ("-dramatic gasp- It's picture time!? -gets in the shot-), my friend Trista moved the camera, everyone was really sweaty, and I have no clue what the hell is up with Jake's face. But I like this picture, dammit.

Point in case, listen to their band, because you won't regret it at all.

Moving on.

My job. Yep. You might remember from my other journal that I rambled on and on and on about how I was so excite because I had a job interview with Hot Topic a few days after I posted the thing? Well, I went for my interview, and about a half hour after I left, Niki my darling love called me and she's like, "So, after going through your resume and interview again... we have decided... that we love you and we wanna own you!" I kind of knew that I had a bit of an edge, because when her and the other manager Carol were talking about hiring new people, they went through customers that stuck out to them, and I happened to be one of them, and Niki kept talking about it like I already worked there. So I started two weeks after I got that phone call.

Even though it was seasonal, and the season ended last weekend, I wouldn't trade the experience for the world. The customers were awesome. There were some I connected with more than others, yeah, but my duties were (aside from stocking and folding shirts) all about talking to the people in the store. I tell you, working in retail, you meet some pretty interesting people. Before I was kind of socially awkward a little bit, but working there kind of drew me out of my shell and taught me to talk to people. And then my coworkers were beyond incredible. When the store wasn't busy, we just had each other to hang out with. At first it was a little weird because they were strangers, but as the time passed, I got to know them more and more, and it got to be pretty freakin' awesome. They were the kind of people who made it really easy to like them. There were a few nights where the store would die like an hour before the mall closed, and we were stuck just hanging out. Awesome things happened on nights like that.

I actually almost wound up dating one of my coworkers, Brian. Agh, I had such a huge crush on him, and from the night we met (the night I posted that journal before), he made it no secret he was into me, too. And he was so cute, and sweet, too. And my family liked him and everything - he even, somehow, wound up "married" to my mom, and I was going to get fired for fraternization because I couldn't stop their love. We'd dance and joke and sing and laugh together all the time. It's just too bad that on the nights when there was nobody in the store, you get to know people - that situation is bittersweet. Nights like those are when you hear him telling stories that make you realize you should have listened to your best friend when she told you time and time again that your cute, sweet, funny coworker who's totally into you actually has a problem with hopping too quickly from girl to girl and expecting too much from them in explicit ways. While he's telling stories, obviously, to make you jealous. Sucks that backfired, Brian, because it made me think you were kind of a little bit of a DOUCHEEE.

I'm calm. :]

Anyway, like I said, the job was seasonal. In there, around Halloween and Christmas, they get freaking abused. I was getting overscheduled and called in for overtime all the time. I see why they needed so much help at the time, but towards the end, after the week immediately following Christmas, things died back down to normal and everything was calm. So the seasonals got let go, and I was unfortunately one of them. But, they're hiring again the end of June for the summer, so I'll probably wind up going back. Because it was that amazing.

End of rambling about that.

Address numero cinco. The fact that I only started one story of the promised two.

Given the fact that I've hardly updated my one at all, don't you think this was maybe for the best, don't you think? I mean, I've hardly gotten anything on the other story up. I know what I WANT to write, it's just getting around to writing it. I don't know why, but I just don't have the drive to write at the moment. Which is weird for me.

Anywho, I really don't want this note to be longer than it needs to be, which it already is, but I'm a wee bit too lazy to go back and edit it. I've gotta go to bed in a half hour, and that's fortya half hour I can use to study for the I'm-going-to-fail-this math exam tomorrow.

I'll be posting more stuff soon.
So keep coming back.
Because you love me.
And I love you.
<3

Peace out girlscout! :D

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