xxDressedInDecayxx's Journal

OMG!! its been FOREVER since ive been on here!! jus looked at my last journal and goodness how things have changed...but what hasnt is life problems!!! I found my mr. right but hes not liked by the family at all...and i understand why..im 20 and hes...quite a bit older..BUT he loves me and takes care of me and i super love him!! The crappy part is we have been living 2gether since may and been living in Colorado for the last month and my parents decided that i needed to come home. BUT i wasnt even asked..just told...I have to stay the whole month(meaning me and my bf wont get to spend my bd 2gether) and ever since ive been home all they've done is talk bad about me and my bf!! To my face!!! They make me feel like a horribe person even tho ive done nothing wrong but fall in love and they're trying soo hard to make me stay...truth is..I HATE BEING HERE!! I wanna be with my bf...i miss him soo much...and what they dont know is this december...were getting married...I hate having this distance between me an my fam. BUT ive tried hard to get them to talk and they wont...sooo ima just live my life with my love :(

Im Soo sick of crying..not just over the man who has been hurting me for the past 6 monts but over the guy who just doesnt see how much I care about him...The past couple days hes all I can think about...and ive been pouring my heart out to him just trying to see if he actually cares and its soo hard to tell..its getting to the point where even being around him makes me wanna cry..but theres nothing I can do about it...he knows how I feel and thats pretty much all I can tell him...Im just sooo vulnerable right now..my heart is at its weakest poing and just a sad song drives me to tears...I havent felt this.....alone in a long long time and its starting to wear me out..I dont sleep anymore...I dont wanna eat anymore..im just plastering this smile on my face to make everybody happy....so that He doesnt see how much hes hurting me and how someone as strong as me can be soo weak and sad..just thinking about him right now is making me cry..thats the last thing I want him to know or see is that He makes me cry sooo much....he makes mee soo happy but soo sad...

Damn! Its fu*king amazing how things can change in like 2 seconds...when someone you thought you were done with and were never gonna hear from again randomly reappears in your life its hard to tell them to leave even though you know they have hurt you and wouldnt put it past them to hurt you again...Wow ive just kinda been in shock this whole afternoon...because a part of me says you stupid bi*ch stay the fu*k away but then the loneliness steps in and says hey dont you miss the things that happened when you were with them...Its soooo confusing for me...it feels like 2 different people are pulling me in opposite directions and only I can choose the right direction. Unfortunately my loneliness is getting the best of me and I it just feels like that attention well make all my troubles dissapear...Honestly it feels like im addicted to crack...Like I know its bad and that I shouldnt do it but I just cant stop myself..AHHHHH!!! this crap is driving me fu*king crazy and I really really need to sleep on it

SOMEBODY talk to me cuz ima DIE....seriously... we can talk on here or send me an im on AIM its xinluvandeathx OMG im effing bored!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Months went by Finally I got over you.. Then one day you show up and im acting like a fool I should have known you would do this to me.. But I was blind couldnt you see Now my heart wont let go.. And my mind is filled with only thoughts of you I Hate the way you come then fade away I Hate that I let you do this to me My only goal is to let go and find someone new But no matter what theres always going to be a place in my heart for YOU

OK SO IM BORED....CHECK MY MYSPACE!!!!! http://www.myspace.com/manda_marie19

F*ck....Am I never going to be happy..I guess the bad sh*t is just DESTINED to happen to me...Im soo over pretending that everythings ok and Im happy because im f*cking not...im depressed broken hearted and lonley...f*ck just thinking about everything thats happened I start to cry but you know what Its my f*cking fault...How f*cking stupid was I to trust somebody that wasnt even that much to me..How f*cking dumb was it to give my all to somebody that just f*cked my over!! Why cant I find my way out of this dark alley and find the light of day...I guess we just need somebody to be sad and hurt all the time and I guess thats what my job is...I cant do anything anymore..I dont want to do anything anymore im so tired and feel so used and unloved I just hope soon ill be able to leave this unending darkess and find the light that I truly need right now...I guess all I can do is put it in Gods hands..... and pray that he will bring me the happiness that I desparatly need right now/////

Im sooo blah!!! guys are really pissing me off and depressing me ive seriously lost 15 pounds in a little over a week because im too upset to eat. Im sick of getting the shitty end of the stick when it comes to boys...I just want one thats gonna treat me right and not screw with me and my fragile heart..damn I dont know what to do anymore..I already have a hard time meeting guys and then the ones that I end up dating usually screw me over in the end WHEN DO I GET TO FIND MY PRINCE????

ok ok ok you have to read it all to be able to help me lol soooo i met this guy right...We went out friday and we had soooo much fun....then we went out sunday like an official date you know dinner n all that stuff...ok soo he was like bein all sweet n stuff and so I kissed him (just on the cheek) then like a little while later we were making out..ok so that was great then he took me home...wonderful night huh? Ok He called me yesterday and we talked for a while...and we text eachother all the time...then today is his b-day soo i send him a text and like he didnt say much back am I over reacting or is that all he wanted from me was to make out??? or like what the hell im sooo confused and scared....am I just freaking out or SHOULD I BE WORRIED?????

WOW DIDNT SEE IT COMING...I got this off their myspace... 2007 Year Of Change There are many rumors going around right now about our band, and we have finally ended up in a position to be able to share with you what has happened over the last couple months since the Atreyu Tour fiasco, the cancellation of the Lost Prophets tour, and our backing out of the Give It A Name festival. Sonny Moore has quit the band and is working on a solo career. We (Good, Richter, Bloom and Matt Manning -- now an official member, by the way) were in the studio writing for the new record getting ready to fly to Los Angeles to meet up with Sonny to record the record when we got the news about him leaving. We know that Sonny's departure is going to be a huge deal to a lot of our fans, and we are sorry that these things continue to happen to us (and you). We all tried to make compromises, but sometimes artists just have to do things for themselves. To make matters worse, Capitol Records was on the verge of being bought out by another label and bands were being dropped. Money was put on hold from the label and with FFTL already in debt due to the Atreyu tour and studio costs..... Well, we were pretty much crippled. We had a decision to make that night at the studio that I will never forget... This was the most epic, movie-worthy event of my life. We just said, "Screw this. Let's just do it ourselves. The whole thing -- just us four." The good news is Sonny leaving meant that the band had to make changes, and these changes couldn't have been more positive. And so, that is exactly what we have been doing over the last couple of months -- self-producing the new From First to Last album, without a record label or Sonny. To get the ball rolling, I quickly called my friend Lee Dyess who owns the EarthSound studio in Valdosta, GA where we recorded "dear diary" and "aesthetic" (we also helped him build it), and arranged for the studio time which cost us the rest of our money and favors from Lee. We also teamed up with our close friend Jordan Schur who is not only managing us now, but signed our band to his label Suretone (through Interscope). Matt Good is now fronting the band along with vocals from myself and Manning. We are extremely excited about this record, and we are stoked to be singing again. Thank you everyone so much for all of your support, and to the U.K....we are really sorry you seem to have taken the worst from this, we are gonna make it up this year we promise. Check back for updates and keep your eyes peeled for a complete online over haul for FFTL... - Travis & FFTL

YEP YEP!! Went to taste of chaos last night and omg the used was sooo goood!!!!! Aiden was awesome too but the used was like FOREVER BETTER!!!! ewww somebody threw there boxers at Bert and he was all thats f**kin nasty and he threw the ontop of the security guy lol we were sooo close OMG it was AMAZING they sound soo effin good live AHHHHHH I

Just saw that Anna Nichole Smith died?? wtf its really wierd! I feel bad for her little baby that sucks....

Im going I just bought my ticket!!! Im soo excited me and my friend are gonna go!!! I Get to see The Used and Evaline!! I love the other bands that are playing ive seen them all live before.

because u just opened this u will have the BEST LUCK this week ♥ ur gonna get a gf-bf ♥ a get an A on all ur tests ♥ get 20 new friends ♥ you will fall in love BUT u have to repost this bulletin with the name "im moving" "im changing schools " "I'm IN LOVE" ""I'm going to kill myself" "We broke up!" "I'm IN LOVE WITH MY BESTFRIEND!" "Im getting married" "I NEED A GIRLFRIEND" "I HATE HIM! "I NEED A BOYFRIEND!!" "I'M PREGNANT" "i like a friend of mine" "Yes, I know he is sooooo hot!" "I LOVE YOU" "I'm gonn be a dad/mom" OR the worst luck in the entire world will fall on your head.

Your lips speak soft sweetness Your touch a cool caresS I am lost in your magic My heart beats within your chest I think of you each morning And dream of you each night I think of your arms being around me And cannot express my delight Never have I fallen But I am quickly on my way You hold a heart in your hands That has never before been given away God poem is soooo awesome!!!!! Im super in love and its such a confusing thing!!! Im either feeling extreamly happy or hella sad!! Ive never been so in love soo I dont know exactly how to feel but this poem really describes my thoughts at the moment...now I just gotta be able to tell him that Im in love with him......HOW DO I DO THAT???